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There should be more asexual dating sites


CentaurianPrincess

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TheyCallMeMiles

What a QPR is to me is a friendship where you don't leave each other because one of the friends falls in love with a romantic person. Ideally, 'friends for life' and that's the deepest relationship for both.

Sharing a house ends at a point where someone finds a romantic partner elsewhere. It's temporary. It's not because I don't fall in love that I'm ok with being in second place. Searching a QPR on a dating site is looking for the friend that won't leave. 

But that's just my idea. Other aro's might be looking for something else?

 

And about the dating sites, it's all so scrambled. With a small pool it's better to have one central place instead of lots of little ones. :/ 

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Let's file this in "things Skullery finds amusing"... As a sexual, I can't help but fall for you asexuals! I truly do not understand how people can't manage to hook up on AVEN (yes, I know many do), because lord knows even as a mismatched orientation member I've met people who I absolutely would date. It's truly one of the more confusing aspects of asexual dating to me.

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What a QPR is to me is a friendship where you don't leave each other because one of the friends falls in love with a romantic person. Ideally

So essentially a sexless relationship.

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1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

So essentially a sexless relationship.

Right? There seems to be basically no difference between a QPR and an asexual romantic relationship. It seems sexuals aren't the only people who have a hard time separating romance and sexuality.

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5 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

How is a QPR different to the kind of scenario Autumn describes above?

That's the whole point, Autumn described a non-romantic non-sexual relationship, aka QPR..

 

windmill.jpg

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What makes a relationship romantic? Have you ever fallen in love? Yes, that thing. The whole idea that romantic orientation is related to whether you want a partner or not is bullshit. People can want a partner regardless of orientation, and it's easily possible to fall in love with someone who you don't want to be your life partner. There's sometimes a correlation between romantic feelings and life partnerships, but in reality that connection is a lot more flimsy than society would have you believe. Especially, it's very common for couples to fall out of love and continue with a life partnership for other reasons.

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'Queer platonic relationship' is longer and more confusing than 'house sharing'. Why invent it?

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metamorphic rock is also a longer phrase than

igneous rock but to me they are just stones. a geologist doesn't need me to know the difference.

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nanogretchen4

I think "house sharing" is the more confusing term, since it suggests you are looking for someone to split the costs of rent with or to offset your mortgage. Why would you look for that on an asexual dating site? At least we can tell that a "queer platonic relationship" is a type of relationship, although if I didn't know better I would have assumed it was a type of same sex relationship with no actual sex going on.

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But actually what they're advertising for is essentially someone to become really good friends with, enough that they may or may not be move in together at some point. 

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For one, many people have a narrow minded understanding of what friendship means. They can't comprehend that a friendship could be as much, or more, emotionally close and committed as a romantic / sexual relationship. If you say "my friend", then an uneducated person will make unwanted assumptions. If you say "my queerplatonic partner", then an uneducated person will simply have no idea what you're talking about, and be forced to educate themselves before jumping to any conclusions.

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1 hour ago, Tarfeather said:

. If you say "my queerplatonic partner", then an uneducated person will simply have no idea what you're talking about, and be forced to educate themselves before jumping to any conclusions.

No, they'll just say "What are you ON about!" and laugh derisively.  

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nanogretchen4

I think if you start referring to your queerplatonic partner you run a fair risk of getting gay bashed for living with someone of the opposite sex.

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I think too many young folk think aromantic means not liking culture's exaggeration in movies, and don't realize that they have romantic feelings for their friends, perhaps even blinding themselves by trying to adhere to their identity without thinking oh, maybe my feelings are deeper than friendship! 

 

the thing is, a relationship I would say is necessarily romantic - at least what I mean is, the act of bonding with a person in a way where you are lifelong companions is kind of so close to romantic that it is romantic. 

 

and a person who wants such a bond is a romantic person, romance doesn't have as much to do with "falling in love" as people think, falling in love is more of a short-term thing of romance. the idea of being happily ever after is the other thing of romance. and happily ever after without falling in love is still romantic. 

 

if I imagine an aromantic person who has interest in forming "a qpr", I imagine a person who feels anxious over their life as it loses friends, and wants to have security in friendships. they don't imagine a lifelong bond with a partner, so much as they hope they'll make a friend who lasts long term. my mom has multiple friends she's had since she was my age, and I hope that I will too.

 

but this is very different from a person who wants to have a relationship, despite not feeling crush-like romantic emotions. that is still romantic... just less "fantasylike" and more "realistic like". of course such a person wouldn't get all excited over the fantastical things about romance Disney tries to sell. 

 

most of the aromantic people who do have QPR's when I see it and feel like "yeah this is aro", it's basically friendship, it's like, you look at the friend and know it is two friends. they're close but it just.. it's friendship, not romantic. naturally, this is super subjective... so in a way, if someone says "we're friends, we aren't in love, this isn't a relationship" you trust them. 

 

the cases where it is a relationship is so much more suspicious... but... what does it really matter? 

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if someone has no time for the shinanigans you feel are important than there is nothing saying you have to have time for their shinanigans. if someones qpr was just really good friends than maybe they would just say 'really good friends'. maybe they just like the idea of fancy termonology, but thats for them to vindicate to themselves, not your or my problem that gives us a need to understand before we accept. but just for fun, what friendship would have you bringing up the question of monogamy, well other than a romantic relationship, that is after all just a really good friendship yeah?

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CentaurianPrincess

As far as I can tell it's no different than a platonic best friend that you value over other friends.

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When someone says QPR I think of Frodo and Sam, honestly. Which, yeah, Tolkien would have called just friends, and back then it was more aligned with how friendship was seen I think. Nowadays, how many people would have a hard time choosing between spending the rest of their life with their spouse vs with their friend?

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@Tarfeather YeEessSss. I love Frodo and Sam.

 

 

I think making more asexual dating apps/websites wouldn't help. But just one solid one that the aven community was active in and knew about, that would be great. I've tried acebook and okcupid but it isn't much fun. The website for acebook seems super old and gives me a weird vibe. And okcupid bothers me as well. Also most of the people of these dating sites haven't been on for months or even years.

 

If you have ever been on tinder, it is a really great format. You can put 5 photos, and a description about you and what you're looking for. You like somone and if they like you back you can talk. The app is super easy to use and it is current. You can hook up your spotify and show your favorite song and what artists you listen to most, which I think is really cool.  

 

I wish there was an asexual dating app like that. I think it would be really cool if there was a thread where we could come up with ideas and hopefully a couple people could work together and make it happen. And we could all pitch in a dollar or two, if it costs money to make the app/website. Just an idea

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acebook isn't super old it's just super simple. can't really harp on someone providing a free service to such a small community for being spartan in their webdesign. the swipe left swipe right garbage again only works with an appropriate population density. going "Out of people." after five swipes means an uninstall for most people. and also: because apparently it needs repeating: I too am nominally unable to decern the difference between a QPR and say, a law partner, or a butler, or a really good friend, or the mailman that you know really well, or a husband/wife. that doesn't mean there isn't a big and very important difference to someone else.

 

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Sorry think there is some confusion here. QPR is not an asexual romantic relationship.  They are different.  An asexual romantic relationship is exactly that: a relationship, where you are a couple. there is just no sex involved.  A QPR from my understanding is more like plantonic friendship that is long lasting. 

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CentaurianPrincess
10 hours ago, Vicky Angel said:

Sorry think there is some confusion here. QPR is not an asexual romantic relationship.  They are different.  An asexual romantic relationship is exactly that: a relationship, where you are a couple. there is just no sex involved.  A QPR from my understanding is more like plantonic friendship that is long lasting. 

So it's just a fancy name for best friend.

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drjohnhwatson

Haha dang I only came in to bitch about the problems with asexual dating sites (not that there aren't enough, per se, but perhaps the existing ones need some TLC).  Also way back when I first joined here, I casually mentioned maybe finding someone to date and had people jump on me that that's not what this site was--I know people on here have found each other and started dating, I know it's not a dating site.  :rolleyes:.

 

Never anticipated I'd wade into some hot takes about QPR and aromanticism, though.  It's fascinating.  I'll just be over here with the popcorn....

 

:lol:.

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There'd be more asexual dating sites if there were more asexuals.  It's pretty simple. 

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In the past I have tried the asexual dating sites I could find but it was not useful because there was almost no-one in my area. And the chances that the one or two asexuals I could manage to find in my area would be anything like me are of course very small! Would it make more sense to start a kind of MeetUp thread (or section) in this forum (by location), not specifically for "dating" but more just to meet other people in person to discuss common issues (and gripe about the fact that everyone else around us seems to think sex is so important and there is something off about someone who doesn't ;-)? Just a thought!

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On 1/29/2017 at 5:09 AM, AlizarinPR83 said:

In the past I have tried the asexual dating sites I could find but it was not useful because there was almost no-one in my area. And the chances that the one or two asexuals I could manage to find in my area would be anything like me are of course very small! Would it make more sense to start a kind of MeetUp thread (or section) in this forum (by location), not specifically for "dating" but more just to meet other people in person to discuss common issues (and gripe about the fact that everyone else around us seems to think sex is so important and there is something off about someone who doesn't ;-)? Just a thought!

There is already a meetup section.  

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