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will i ever accept my (a)sexuality???


dontcrycraft

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hi

i guess

first of all, i've created a profile five minutes ago and i'm trying to figure out how to make this website work, but i actually did that because a year ago, when i first heard the word "asexuality" i was like GREAT FANTASTIC YOU'RE ASEXUAL CAN WE MOVE ON NOW but lately i've been feeling really bad about it.

i mean, i know that this should happens first, THEN you realize that you're asexual and you will live the rest of your life happily, but that's not my case.

why am i feeling so incomplete, so wrong, so broken, as if there was something missing? i think that having a crush made this whole this worse, because i can only think about how wrong i am and how i will never be with this person, if they hypothetically wanted to be with me, because of THIS, and because i'm afraid i will not be accepted.

what

do

do

?

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Hi there! This is only my opinion of course but I think it is quite common to feel like that if you don't fit into the norm of heterosexuality and all that. You are not broken, or incomplete just because you identify with something other than what is "normal". Normal is just a myth, "normal is an illusion. what's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly" (love that quote)  I believe you could start by trying to figure you out, regardless of what society tells you to believe or to be. Take your time, be gentle with yourself, crushes might come and go, some might like you just the same, others won't, so there is no point in freaking out over hypotheticals. Your relationship with yourself on the other hand, is a lifelong experience, so just enjoy the ride. In the mean time, you can explore your feelings, get informed, there is lots of information here on the site so browse at you leisure. Keep asking questions, reach out for support either within you family, among your friends, or here as well! Also, remember that there is more to life than sexuality ;) 

 

cheers :) 

       

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Hi, dontcry! Welcome! :cake:

 

Sorry you're feeling so down right now.

 

I felt pretty much the same when I thought I was gay way back when. Mostly because of what I thought other people would think and say.

 

You ask a lot lot of what if's, but maybe what you should ask is: what do you want? I'm not saying you could force yourself to enjoy something you might hate. But if you give yourself time to consider what it is you do like, what it is you don't like, what it is you want, and not what other people expect of you... you might find something that better suits you. 

 

But a lot of us have discovered things about ourselves by doing. I've been with only a few men, but that helped me sort out how I feel about sex. Of course, having a site like this and doing my own research helped too.

 

The most important thing, I think, is giving yourself time and searching, exploring and being honest with yourself. 

 

 

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

I am so sorry you are going through this.

You are NOT broken or incomplete. Society can make you feel that way at times,but society is wrong. You are okay the way you are. You aren't wrong at all. It is okay if you have crushes. If a person doesn't wanna be with you because you are asexual, then that person isn't worth your time.

There is more to life then sexuality, like the first post stated. 

Who you are is okay! There is no "normal" like society tries to make you believe.  If anyone gives you shit about being asexual,ignore them. What they think is irrelevant.

There is nothing wrong about being asexual. Who you are isn't shameful.

I hope you get through this *Hugs*

Oh, and welcome to Aven!:cake:

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Hey don'tcrycraft,

 

Have to admit was happy to see this post, (because I'm a horrible person), but no, it's because this is the first time I've been on AVEN for two(ish) years. I was struggling very much with the same thing because, heck, I want to go on dates, find a partner, crush on someone, and do the whole romancey thingy 1960s style. Even though I'm touch and sex repulsed! So, how do you mix all that up together and bake an asexual. I dunno! So I've been ignoring it until it happens and then I'll deal with it. I've been an on and off asexual for eight years, ever since I had it figured at 19. I've came to realise that it's not all black and white. Sometimes you're gonna be really attracted to someone, sometimes it'll just grow on yah, sometimes the world is just a blank and everyone is a walking jelly with no actual features.

 

I don't know how old you are, but sometimes the problem you're focusing on isn't the real problem. For me the real struggle I had was with the job I was in, and the people I was around. I've changed that for the better and I'm much happier than I've been in years, and all that sex and sexuality stuff fell to the wayside. You might be in school or uni, and things will be tough, people won't get it, other asexuals won't get it... what even is asexuality?! I don't get it and I am a part of it!

 

I always found more knowledge helps. That's (kuh)nowledge, the type that comes from wrong and right information that you mix up together to get a happy medium. The best thing to do is find out why you're worried, so... your worry right now is your asexuality, and other pressures are piled on top of this worry, making the worry seem a lot worse.

 

Aven might be the best place to help out, because there's a whole buncha aces and non-aces around asking all sorts of questions and there's a bunch of people around willing to answer as best they can, and everyone's gonna have a lot of different things to say, probably things you agree with and probably stuff that's pretty stupid. But you'll see other people might have already asked what you've asked, some people might think the same way you do, and maybe you can pin down some asexuality and claim it for yourself. That's what I did! Got that bugger tamed and shaped him in my image.

 

So whatever it is, how can I be asexual and have a sexual partner, or, how do you cope with sharing your feelings, or, how does Italian culture and asexuality mix, or, how many pancakes can an asexual eat in one sitting (three is my personal best) some crazy fool on this website has asked it, and you can talk to them about it, and I've been talking way too long.

 

Hope something here helped, if not, whoops. Good luck with your life and stuff.

 

Edit:

No, I have no idea what romancing 1960s style means.

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2 hours ago, dontcrycraft said:

hi

i guess

first of all, i've created a profile five minutes ago and i'm trying to figure out how to make this website work, but i actually did that because a year ago, when i first heard the word "asexuality" i was like GREAT FANTASTIC YOU'RE ASEXUAL CAN WE MOVE ON NOW but lately i've been feeling really bad about it.

i mean, i know that this should happens first, THEN you realize that you're asexual and you will live the rest of your life happily, but that's not my case.

why am i feeling so incomplete, so wrong, so broken, as if there was something missing? i think that having a crush made this whole this worse, because i can only think about how wrong i am and how i will never be with this person, if they hypothetically wanted to be with me, because of THIS, and because i'm afraid i will not be accepted.

what

do

do

?

You're certainly not broken. That implies that you need fixing, and you don't. It's normal to feel this way if you're different from the majority (in any aspect, really), and "don't worry about it" is a lot easier said than done.

 

The thing is, some people will not accept you the way you are. That is a fact of life. Even if it might not seem like it, everyone experiences this at some point. The fact that some people do not accept you because you're ace does not make you wrong or unlikeable. If anything, it says something about the people in question.

 

I can only tell you to try your best to accept yourself the way you are, and not to spend too much time worrying about other people's opinions on you. You're you, and that's all that matters.

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Welcome to AVEN 'craft

chocolate-avocado-cake.jpg?itok=E2eWE_Dx

There's nothing wrong with you unlike how you may feel. Contrary to how society may say you should be, be yourself. I struggled for years not knowing what I was, until I found out about asexuality. Now I'm quite content with my place in the world.

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