Skyfire Ace Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 So recently it turned out that my best friend has a huge squish on me, he is allo and I'm his first squish ever. I've had a few squishes before, so when he described his feelings for me I instantly knew what was up and he was soo relieved to finally have a word for what he felt. Now I know that squishes aren't limited to ace and aro people only, yet interestingly his squish is accompanied by sexual attraction to me which in his own words is secondary but sometimes depending on the situation it gets stronger. So my question would be has anyone ever experienced that themselves or been in a situation like that? I've tried researching about squishes and sexual attraction but since it's mostly ace and aro people who know how to tell apart a squish from a crush, of course there is like no information about squishes in allo people and if these kind of squishes usually go with sexual attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 So... how does one tell a crush from a squish, if both can even include sexual attraction? D: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Arctangent Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Yeah, I've been in a situation like that. I'm not sure how common it is, but it can happen. The sexual-with-a-squish could desire sex with someone without wanting to have a romantic relationship with them. Instead, they might want to have a sexual friendship. That doesn't necessarily mean just "fuck buddies" either. Just as aromantic asexual people sometimes desire deep non-romantic relationships, a sexual person might want that too - except unlike the asexual, they also desire sex. I don't think all sexual people are interested in that kind of relationship, though, since many of them deeply associate romance and sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 In actual real words, how did he describe what he felt for you? It just sounds like he fancies you to me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I thought that a crush can mean something either sexual or romantic... but does it only refer to romantic feelings, nowadays? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaturnOOO Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I was under the impression that the term "squish" came about in the ace community to describe targeted feelings of strong friendship and platonic adoration towards someone that was specifically non sexual in nature. If he's into you and he specifically says he is sexually attracted to you, it sounds like he just has an old-fashioned crush! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 But.... but.... but.... that's just so.... normal.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 yeah like basically I'm pretty sure how it works is - people like each other. sometimes they like eachother to want to get to know each other on some level. sometimes this leads to desire for friendship, or similar platonic peer relations, which is what this community names a squish. And then sometimes, this involves romantic or sexual attraction - which historically has at that point been called a crush. such a crush may not necessarily involve desire for sexual relations or romantic courtship, but may, if allowed to flourish, indeed lead to it. All of this is kind of ... the fundamental way attraction works. attraction can lead to - platonic admiration, sexual interest, or romantic fawning, among many other similar positive regard for the person. however - where it leads to, is what people seem to be identifying as their orientation - this "squish" blooms into a crush and then dating for a romantic person, or leads to sexual interest for a sexual person. for an asexual aromantic person it leads to friendship, which over time becomes a close platonic bond between friends. it is the "squish" of attraction which is the root of any subsequent desires, and those desires are what determine the orientation. most people however, feel both romantic and sexual desires regularly, and so associate attraction with those desires almost seamlessly. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 It's a crush. A crush is where someone has a soft spot for someone or a liking for someone in a friendship or acquaintance setting. If there is sexual attraction then it's called......sexual attraction! A squish is nothing. A made up term to define something differently that's already easily defined. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Quote A made up term to define something differently that's already easily defined You're getting the hang of AVEN now... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 So.... he fancies you but doesn't actually want to pursue a romantic relationship? (kind or=f hard to tell from your post but I'm just going to run with this on the assumption that it's something along those lines). Relax, this happens all the time, it's perfectly normal for friends to get little crushes on each other or feel sexual attraction to each other, especially in the teen-early 20s stage. Most of the time nothing comes of it, it's just another dynamic of a normal friendship. Just deal with it the same way you would deal with any other feelings in a friendship, by talking about how you both want your friendship to progress, whether that is staying how you are but with acknowledgement of his feelings, by forming a closer and more trusting relationship, or by backing off a bit so that he can sort out his feelings. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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