AkaruiShiro Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 So I am quite new here and wantedt to start with a hello to everyone! I saw you can ask about aromanticsm as well and hope everything is right in here >~< In the last few months I figured out I am most likely asexual (quite sure by now) and a neutrois-demigirl. But I really don't know where I fit with my romantic orientation. I DO have a kind of boyfriend and I really have feelings for him! And I think I feel love towards him so this feels pretty like demiromantic. But I don't experience ANY of the typical schoolromance stuff or romantic like they describe it in all those cute books. It is more like family for me. Because even if you are Aro, you love your family and mother and brother, don't you? So I guess I feel the same "love" for him like for the rest of my family. Okay, I like cuddling and being close and in the beginning before I was aware of being asexual we tried out more, but I never feel much more than the family love for him. I wuld rather describe it like the typical soulmate stuff, we are matching very good and have a strong emotional bond. So now I am wondering if I am demiromantic because of..well I have a boyfriend and even like kissing him sometimes, even if rarely or if I could still fit in the aro label since it just FEELS right for me. But can I really be aro if I have a boyfriend and love him in a familylove-way and from time to time feel the desire to kiss him? I am so sorry for this soo long text but I am just so confused about all this.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Arvid of Rivendell Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 First: wanting to kiss and cuddle someone is not romantic attraction, it's sensual (link for more explanation). Some aromantic people feel sensual attraction, so even if they don't feel romantically towards someone, they may still want to hug, kiss, cuddle, etc. Basically, wanting to kiss your boyfriend doesn't mean you can't be aro. Second: aro people may still date. A good example of this can be found here: http://chekhovandowl.tumblr.com/girlfriendquestion. I'd say you should look into aromanticism some more. If you honestly believe your love for your boyfriend is not romantic and that aromantic is the right word for you, then go for it! If you decide you are demiromantic, but you really like "aro", you could say that you are aro-spec (aromantic spectrum). Then you still have aro in there, but you specify that you aren't completely aromantic. That being said, I have come across aro-spec people who just identify as aro, for simplicity or comfort. This is probably a source of controversy, but if you really like "aro" as a label, then no one can stop you from using it. If it feels right, then it is your right to use it. For determining whether you are aromantic, here are some good places to start. They really helped me when I was questioning: http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/69145328274/you-might-be-aromantic-if https://www.aromantik.de/2015/12/23/how-to-tell-if-you-are-aromantic/ http://arospecawarenessweek.tumblr.com/post/110278907632/plain-version-of-this-post-as-long-as-you-dont Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AkaruiShiro Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Thank you very much for your help!! I will look at your links when I am back home. I knew about sensual attraction, was just unsure if kissing is still in it. Aro-spec is something I already was thinking about, but I just wanted to hear the opinion of someone else about my feelings because I just didn't knew how to think about it and your response really helped me ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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