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Been struggling with labels (TMI?)


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Hello y'all! I'm 17, and I've been questioning a lot in the past few weeks. It's bugging me to the point where I'm going to put it out here and see what happens. I don't know if this is the right place for this thread, but I can move it if needed :)

 

I started out on this site about six months or so, but it wasn't my first contact with asexuality. A few years ago one of the members of my high school GSA gave a presentation on asexuality. Little freshman me felt connected to it - I had never been interested in sex, and had never been in a relationship despite my numerous romantic crushes - but I didn't want to label myself so young. I spoke to one friend about how I related to it and they seemed cool with it, but they were the only person who knew I had been thinking about the label 'asexual'.

 

The next two years, I still had no interest in relationships, and despite two strong crushes I still had no interest in sex. I started to be aware that other teens were interested in and were even having sex, something that blew my mind. On two separate occasions, people had flat-out asked me if I was asexual - once when I remarked how I only loved Valentine's Day because of the candy sales, and another when a group of people were discussing sexualities and when they asked me what I IDed as, I shrugged and said 'straight I guess'.

 

Back to senior year, I started to seriously question my labels after I got my first boyfriend. I never had any interest to do anything past cuddling with him, and even kissing made me a bit uncomfortable. He's been nothing but understanding about this, as have (almost) all of my friends that I had told when I chose to label myself as ace. My mom, on the other hand, has doubted that I'm really ace since I told her when I joined this site, insisting I'd develop sexual attraction eventually and I'm just a late bloomer like she was. She also, for context, doesn't fully support labels of any kind other than straight, gay, bi, and trans, thinking they just overcomplicate things.

 

This is where the TMI comes in. Through all of this, I've still had a desire to masturbate and done so, even though it feels less like a desire and more like a 'well, I'm doing this again...'. I do fantasize occasionally while doing it, but they're always in third person and never involve me or anyone I know in real life. I've read explicit romance novels and seen porn and they arouse me, but people specifically never have as much as the act, and I have no desire to do it myself.

 

I've started IDing as 'nothing' or 'questioning' or 'indeterminate' for now mainly for myself, but I worry that I'm only considering asexuality to try and fit in with my mainly LGBT+ friend group, even though it wouldn't be a conscious decision if I was. I also worry that I might, by considering myself ace, be deceiving myself into ignoring my sexuality and end up denying that I'm, in fact, sexual - something my mother brought up that won't leave my head. I know it's fine to change labels, but I'm still worried about if I got it wrong. It feels different to me than saying you're ace and then eventually discovering you're gay, bi, or pan, or anything else. I feel like going from straight to ace and back is like infringing on a community that isn't yours, and I don't know how people would react if that happened - and how I would feel about it.

 

Just needed to get the full picture out there and see what the more experienced ace community could offer to help? I'm very confused and worried! (Probably over nothing, but you never know...)

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You can take a look here:

 

Ace - who never felt horny for  people (is an umbrella term)

Fictosexual -  who feel horny only for fictional characters (is under the gray ace umbrella)

A(n)egosexual - who have sexual fantasies but aren't in then (under ace umbrella)

Limnosexual - who feel horny only for depictions of sex  (under gray ace umbrella)

 

Ace people can fantasize, desire sex, enjoy sex, have sex, masturbate, have libido, enjoy erotic content, etc and they aren't less ace

 

 

There's a different BTW sexual attraction (who you fell horny for) and romantic attraction (who you have a crush for)

That being said, romantic orientation is different from sexual orientation, and people are usually tricked to believe they're the same thing bc popular lack of knowledge.

 

I hope this quite helps.

 

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@AVEN #1 fan Thanks!

 

I had heard of the label Anegosexual, but couldn't find much about it other than it's a disconnect between sexual fantasies and sexual desires. I'll try to look more into it, it seems pretty applicable. Thanks for the help!

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Just now, PixieCat said:

@AVEN #1 fan Thanks!

 

I had heard of the label Anegosexual, but couldn't find much about it other than it's a disconnect between sexual fantasies and sexual desires. I'll try to look more into it, it seems pretty applicable. Thanks for the help!

Try searching it as "autochorissexual". Np.

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On 1/16/2017 at 7:39 PM, PixieCat said:

Through all of this, I've still had a desire to masturbate and done so, even though it feels less like a desire and more like a 'well, I'm doing this again...'. I do fantasize occasionally while doing it, but they're always in third person and never involve me or anyone I know in real life. I've read explicit romance novels and seen porn and they arouse me, but people specifically never have as much as the act, and I have no desire to do it myself.

That's normal for asexuals. Most asexuals masturbate and most use erotica to do so. You still dont desire sex with anyone and that's the ONLY requirement for asexuality. And autochroissexual aka anegosexual is a completely normal asexual needlessly broadcasting their masturbatory habits, which does not make itself its own sexuality. This behavior is also very common for sexual women, so it's normal behavior regardless of sexuality.

 

@AVEN #1 fan No, asexuals cannot desire sex! And Anegosexual is the correct spelling; aego is incorrect use of the prefix and remnant of the creator not properly looking things up when the term was created.

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22 minutes ago, Star Bit said:

That's normal for asexuals. Most asexuals masturbate and most use erotica to do so. You still dont desire sex with anyone and that's the ONLY requirement for asexuality. And autochroissexual aka anegosexual is a completely normal asexual needlessly broadcasting their masturbatory habits, which does not make itself its own sexuality. This behavior is also very common for sexual women, so it's normal behavior regardless of sexuality.

 

@AVEN #1 fan No, asexuals cannot desire sex! And Anegosexual is the correct spelling; aego is incorrect use of the prefix and remnant of the creator not properly looking things up when the term w.

But, cupiosexuals do and say they're under the ace umbrella. "/

Anyway, all these people can still have sex regardless their orientations, unless they're sex repulsed or against it.

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I'd like to suggest everyone get back on track with the convo. If you feel like discussing that subject, please start a thread about it, instead of derailing this thread with it.

 

Tal Shi'ar

Co Mod for Questions about Asexuality

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(last statement on the matter)

@AVEN #1 fan No, cupiosexuals are not under the gray umbrella nor asexual, they are normal sexual people consisting of half the sexual population.

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Just now, Star Bit said:

(last statement on the matter)

@AVEN #1 fan No, cupiosexuals are not under the gray umbrella nor asexual, they are normal sexual people consisting of half the sexual population.

Rly? Lol Its stupid the way (allo)sexual folks call them "special snow flakes".

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They call them special snowflakes because they're normal sexual people. People even call asexuals that because they dont believe someone can't desire sex and just think they're a normal sexual person looking for a special label.

(PM if further conversation is needed, we've been interrupting long enough)

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