My friends...

[darkpoetess]

I have recently been privy to openly hostile attitudes regarding demisexuals. Up to now, the only negativity I have experienced has been from close family and friends that I had discussed my orientation with. I have not created a topic here on AVEN in quite a number of years but I certainly felt compelled to do so today. In just within a week's time, I have witnessed conversations take place on two different pages which were in general, very negative and ridiculing toward demisexuals and the asexual community in general. One post had to do with an informative article on demisexuality and I was rather shocked and dismayed to see so-called progressives saying that "everyone just wants a label now" or "I think this term exists as a way for women to deny their sexuality and resist their sexual urges", or even suggesting that we crave a label to somehow gain attention for ourselves and place our struggles alongside those of the LGBT community.Another post which took place in a closed feminist group asked what demisexuality was. I was happy to respond and be as informative as I could until I realized that the general climate of the thread was quite hostile and insulting. Not only did moderators not intervene, but actually gave "likes" to the insults. We were referred to as narcissists because people of the asexual community are only in love with themselves, "what's with everyone needing a label? whatever happened to the natural way of life?", "everyone at some point is demisexual then if they're not attracted to someone".  A lot of assumptions, hostility, ridicule, with the rare genuine questioning comment. And even then, the questioners talked past me, directing their questions to a woman who knows about asexuality. There were but a few who were supportive, but on the whole, as more people are actually talking about different orientations and asexuality, I'm seeing some definitive hate cropping up. I don't know if we are viewed as a threat to human sexuality, or are genuinely viewed as a mentally ill group who's feigning legitimacy as an orientation since the average human is thinking about sex on a constant basis. In my experience, I have never known our community to be one to crave public attention or even really discuss our orientation unless the topic is brought up by someone else. It is very disheartening to feel as though people are out there baiting us out just to tear us down. I would not have "come out" to the people in the closed group in particular had I known what I would experience. Fighting out there in the world is one thing, being under attack in what is supposed to be a safe space is another. Sufficient to say, I decided to leave the group, not even so much as because of the comments, but because of the complacency and silent approval of the moderators. As a friend of mine says, "Strange how blatant ignorance makes people feel superior compared to even an ounce of compassion."

 

I originally came to AVEN in 2007 or so.At the time I barely knew what asexuality was. Since then it has been such a source of encouragement and community. If anyone else out there has witnessed anything like this, know that you're not alone. You have an absolute right to discuss or not discuss your orientation with any individual or group. What I would advise is caution on social media in particular. What starts out as a seemingly questioning post, can reveal itself as a baiting one. My hope is that visibility and education continue to be as positive as possible and that overall, we gain understanding from others.

[Moophie]

I don't know where you'd ventured, but I'm sorry you were subject to such crap.

 

It can't be denied there's a lot of ignorant shit to be found on the internet. In the form of both commentary and people. I've seen it mostly online, of course, but a little bit in person. Though in person people are usually more reserved.

 

What makes the web so bad is it's really easy for like-minded people to collect together. Like fatty oil on the surface of soup. ;p

 

Of course, it helps sites like this grow at the same time, so... myeh.

 

Edit: Something that's helped me cope with... forms of lesser intelligence has been this thought: It's not personal, it's not about you. It's about the person and their inability to perceive things beyond what they're accustomed to. 

 

We can all be like that about some things.

[darkpoetess]

Well yes, obviously the internet is full of ignorant people. I didn't exactly "venture" anywhere. One post was on Women's Rights News and the other was a closed group. I have rarely seen topics brought up on asexuality and even less on demisexuality. Being that I witnessed two terrible experiences within a week on the subject, I thought I might write a little awareness post. Even within the realm of "progressive" areas, I was a bit surprised to be met with such disdain and ignorance. You know, the places where people talk about civil rights for people of all walks of life? Yes, a bit sad.

[darkpoetess]

I was going to add that while yes, we don't all know everything and everyone certainly everyone makes mistakes regarding how they respond or react to things, I will I say that I don't believe I've ever insisted on hostile and ignorant remarks while someone is trying to inform me of something I don't know about. I would hope most of us also feel that way. I'm just sorry to realize that coming out to a group of progressive women ended so badly and I'd feel the same for anyone who encounters that. That said, I'll still talk about the issues with whoever is interested, but also feeling cautious. Hopefully those were isolated incidents and if not, c'est la vie, as long as no one starts campaigning for corrective medicine for aces. I'll take it as it comes.