Topi Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Hello everyone! I have been around AVEN for a few months now and thought about posting this for a while now, but maybe the courage never came... So, here I am doing the post everyone does about the confusion they feel regarding if what I felt was a crush or a squish, if it could be both. I don't really want a label I just want to know a bit more of myself. Story time: In my 22 years of life, I was never interested in relationships of any kind except family and friends. However there were two times where I feel big attraction towards two different boys. One I can clearly say it was aesthetic attraction only, I just really liked his eyes, nothing more. Now the other person is what confuses me. I could say it was a crush, but may not be totally true. I knew him for years and never talked with him or looked at him, it was like he never existed and then, one day I decided one thing and after that decision everything changed. He had changed and everyone was questioning why so was I and I decided to discover why the change had started. After that it was like an obsession had started. I was super aware of everything he would say (so I could find clues), but also started to feel very self conscious in front of him. I would always look at him to see what he was doing and all that things. Slowly, he started to enter my group of friends and pass all the time with us and at night he would start conversations over MSN with me and all that. He slowly become my best friend and I actually thought I was in love with him, but here is where the confusion started. When everyone liked someone, they would confess their feelings, but I never thought of it or wanted, when everyone liked someone they wanted to date them, kiss them, hug them and so on, but I didn't want any of that things. When he would touch me, even if it was just a hug, I would feel suffocated and just wanted to run away from him, when I thought of him, there were always my friends also and we were doing things all together, there was never thoughts of us alone or anything. And the last thing that always confused me was that, he confessed his feelings to one of my friends in front of me and I didn't feel anything. I was just happy that he had started to talk with me again, after he had gotten mad at me for not wanting to do a pairs work with him. And we had this kind of cycle going on until he changed classes and we lost contact. I never found out what made him change and sometimes still comes to my mind from time to time, because it was the only time I felt such strong emotions towards someone. So what do you think was this a crush? A squish? A hybrid of both? Or neither? Link to post Share on other sites
Mychemicalqpr Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Are you familiar with the term lithromantic? http://wiki.asexuality.org/Lithromantic Maybe this could be what it is? Link to post Share on other sites
Topi Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 6 hours ago, twilightstarr said: Are you familiar with the term lithromantic? http://wiki.asexuality.org/Lithromantic Maybe this could be what it is? Thank you for the answer. Yes, I know what lithromantic is, but the purpose of this post was to see if what I had was a crush, squish, ect... I don't want to have labels yet, I'm too young for it and feel like I need more life experience to actually pick one. But, yes the first term I thought fitted me best was or lithromantic or wtfromantic. However, I feel like even some, if not most, lithromantics have some kind of romantic fantasies with their crushes and feel like they would like a relationship with them and that was what made me feel like it wasn't really what I was, because I never had any of these things. I never desired a relationship and as I get older, the more sure I am of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Crush/squish/whatever are just casually invented terms to describe things. I don't think it would fit any formal definition, though I do have a pretty good idea what you were going through. I've had particular interest in certain people before that never amounted to any deep romantic feelings or desire for a relationship. I thought that I since I liked them in very personal ways that I must want a relationship out of this, but...I never felt moved to be with them in any way. I tried to push myself towards it, but I just didn't show the depth of care and affection required. So I don't know what the answer is, and there's really no definite answer to this kind of thing - but just know you're not the only one to feel this way about someone. I think a lot of people have actually gone through unusual fascinations with people that are otherwise strictly in the friend category. Humans are individually complicated and human relationships are exponentially complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
cosmichobo Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I've been through a similar situation before. I don't know what the "right" term for it is exactly, but I've always leaned toward "squish". Link to post Share on other sites
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