Confused101 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Im a sexual person but my trans boyfriend just told me he thinks he may be asexual. He says its because hes not comfortable in his own body but its really affecting me. Sex is part of a relationship for me. I dont know how to go about this. Link to post Share on other sites
creatureofaday Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 My boyfriend just told me the same thing today. I'm in the same boat as you and am clueless and feel a little helpless. I don't have much advice to give you now but know you're not alone and this is what is right for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 32 minutes ago, Confused101 said: Im a sexual person but my trans boyfriend just told me he thinks he may be asexual. He says its because hes not comfortable in his own body but its really affecting me. Sex is part of a relationship for me. I dont know how to go about this. When I see 'just told me' I imagine this has literally just happened... like within the last hour. So... don't flip out too hard. One of my last boyfriends didn't even let me explain the follow-up 'why' before his slid on his shoes and walked out the door. Pretty clear indication of what he cared about. Anyways, good on you for not just quitting. As I told creatureofaday on their post; relationships require communication. Always. Did you ask him if he didn't actually want sex, that it strictly had to do with him? Is sex something he would want outside of that issue? Of course, I imagine this is a pretty sensitive topic, so don't force anything. Do your best to remain calm and open-minded. Not that I doubt your open-mindedness. If sex is something he may still be interested in, check out this Sexplanations vid on trans sex: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RK8fv7i6v5A HOWEVER, I'm not offering this as method to pressure anyone into sex. Merely as a suggestion, something to help along the journey, so to speak. Maybe suggest that he check this site out as well. There are lots of awesome trans aces 'round these parts. Link to post Share on other sites
TheyCallMeMiles Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I'm a trans guy, comfortable in my body and asexual. Not any more or less than when I was uncomfortable. It didn't change. What I'm trying to say is that it's an orientation and doesn't have anything to do with me being trans. Having problems with sex because of the dysphoria trans people experience is certainly possible even if they're (maybe) sexual. At first I thought it was dysphoria stopping me and than it turned out to be really asexuality... So who knows. Talk about it and maybe try to make the difference. That's my experience with it, it probably doesn't apply to them. If he's ace you should stick around for information, welcome to aven Link to post Share on other sites
Tirnanog Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 First off, welcome to AVEN! Have some cake! Thank you for respecting your boyfriend enough that you're willing to do some legwork, so to speak. I don't have much advice in terms of the trans part of this (I am cis) but I will say that being asexual is more than just being dissatisfied with your body (I happen to like my body very much, though part of that is that I am lucky enough to have the same sex as gender). It's usually something you've never been interested in, not usually disgusted, but more just 'eh' about. Sometimes you only realize it late in the game, since it's hard to define something by its absence. If your boyfriend genuinely feels asexual because he's unhappy with his body, hopefully that will be a passing thing (don't count me as an expert). If this runs deeper, then I don't know, he may just be trying to reason this out himself while also explaining this very complicated process to you without hurting you. One thing I deal with as an asexual is being terrified to enter a relationship because it doesn't seem 'fair' to the person, because I can't give them what they want, and that's not their fault or mine. (Note that I'd be okay with sex, it's just I wouldn't be super into it and I don't want them to feel that it's about them.) I'm also scared of being rejected outright if I admit my orientation to someone, so it's a scary process. Being unhappy with your body parts can't help matters. I wish every luck to both of you in figuring this all out. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 So he hasn't had sex reassignment surgery? Then this is actually common for trans people; they don't wanna use their parts because they aren't the right ones. So really the only way to fix the problem is to use a strap-on or get SRS. I doubt he'd end up being asexual after SRS because he's already specifically mentioned his disinterest is because of his body. Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 You should talk to him, if he's not sex averse he can probably consider a deal with you. A lot of asexual persons eventually end up engaging in sexual acts to please their partners or for other reasons. I also don't think it's a good idea to pressure on him, you got respect his choices and his timing. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.