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What does non-romantic love feel like?


DoomDodo

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As a romantic asexual, I sometimes develop feelings for people that I'm not conventionally attracted to and it gets very confusing because the best way I can describe them is "pseudo-romantic". I was wondering what squishes and non-romantic or quasi-romantic love feels like from the perspective of aro individuals. Maybe that may bring some insight into my strange crushes.

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For me, there are some people that I just somehow care more about than others, despite not knowing them all too well (at first). I will meet them and, usually by the end of that first encounter, they just feel inexplicaby important to me. These people stand out because I am not a very social person. I don't normally go out of my way to form relationships with others. If other people approach me then I won't avoid them, but it is only with these exceptions that I find myself making an effort to cross paths with them, spend time with them, make plans with them, etc. I'm not interested in dating them, but it is important to me that they like me and think well of me. I have noticed that these people tend to be aesthetically attractive to me, but not all aesthetically attractive people elicit the same response from me. I'm not really sure what exactly it is that makes the difference, honestly.

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2 minutes ago, Tos said:

For me, there are some people that I just somehow care more about than others, despite not knowing them all too well (at first). I will meet them and, usually by the end of that first encounter, they just feel inexplicaby important to me. These people stand out because I am not a very social person. I don't normally go out of my way to form relationships with others. If other people approach me then I won't avoid them, but it is only with these exceptions that I find myself making an effort to cross paths with them, spend time with them, make plans with them, etc. I'm not interested in dating them, but it is important to me that they like me and think well of me. I have noticed that these people tend to be aesthetically attractive to me, but not all aesthetically attractive people elicit the same response from me. I'm not really sure what exactly it is that makes the difference, honestly.

I always wanted to be aro ace.

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3 minutes ago, Assemble said:

I always wanted to be aro ace.

Why's that?

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Just now, Tos said:

Why's that?

It always seemed like you had it easier...💖

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If you want to give one all the kind of affection you can, but sex, I guess that's romantic. Platonic feelings goes as far as the amount of affection one usually gives to their family members (people usually don't want to marry their parents).

an QPR is more likely a "colorful friendship", it's like "love without commitment".

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Delete account please

It's unconditional.

For an hypothetical example, no matter what heinous crime a family member committed, you would still go visit them in prison for moral? loving support.

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I don't seek out romantic relationships but I still do get crushes. Usually they're just people that I have great "chemistry" with, which to me means an instant understanding (same sense of humor or same tastes), or people that I admire. But it's not "love".
To me, love is just what you feel for your family or closest friends. It's the idea that you would die if anything were to happen to them... It's much stronger than anything I could feel romantically, because it's not about being loved back, it's not about being the number 1 person to a special somebody. I guess I would consider it more selfless.
 

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20 minutes ago, Assemble said:

It always seemed like you had it easier...💖

I guess in some ways that's true. I don't have to worry about crushes or things like that. Sometimes those seem like nice things to be able to worry about though, haha. It can be hard when someone you care about develops feelings for you, but you just can't reciprocate, because you know that hurts them and you don't want to be the cause of that, but it just can't be helped. Also, if you're like me and experience strong sensual attraction, then finding ways to deal with that without sending the wrong message can be tough.

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1 minute ago, Tos said:

I guess in some ways that's true. I don't have to worry about crushes or things like that. Sometimes those seem like nice things to be able to worry about though, haha. It can be hard when someone you care about develops feelings for you, but you just can't reciprocate, because you know that hurts them and you don't want to be the cause of that, but it just can't be helped. Also, if you're like me and experience strong sensual attraction, then finding ways to deal with that without sending the wrong message can be tough.

Actually, now I really wish I was an aromantic sexual...

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Just now, Assemble said:

Actually, now I really wish I was an aromantic sexual...

Wanna trade? lol

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1 minute ago, Tos said:

Wanna trade? lol

I would, if I wasn't just a vampire.

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Recently I spontaneously transitioned from aromantic to romantic. So I may be able to provide you some perspective that others can't.


I used to be completely unable to feel any sort of romantic desire. Simply gestured like kissing, holding hands or cuddling didn't make any sense for me, it was an alien language. A couple making out in the park elicited the same feeling on me as seeing someone coughing, slightly uncomfortable to look at but nothing else. I wasn't interested in having a relationship, and I am glad I never had one because it's clear to me now that I would be unable to keep one. It would be like having a conversation with someone who speaks a foreign language that you don't understand, you can just pretend to understand what the other people say. But now I can feel the same as the majority of people in regards of romantic gestures.

 

I would also like to say that based on my personal experience, some of the self-described aromantics who posted in this thread aren't at the end of the romantic spectrum. If you are like I was, there's nothing above friendship (or for sexuals "friends with benefits").

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Thanks for the insight you guys. When you really like someone platonically do you feel the desire to do anything more than usual with them, like getting urges to hug them or share secrets with them?

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I think that depends from person to person. There are more reserved people and less reserved.

In my case, I don't mind sharing secrets with my friends (more like the best friends), but when cames to physical contact I don't feel any urges what so ever. If my friends come at me and initiate the hug I don't mind hugging back, otherwise I won't do it. 

I'm like that to everyone except my little sisters. They are the only ones I actually initiate hugs and such things, the ones I feel like I need to express how much I like them (since I have a big age difference, it's like a maternal kind of love for them).

 

This is my input in this. However, I can't really help much, because I don't know if I ever felt the romantic love. 

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5 hours ago, DoomDodo said:

Thanks for the insight you guys. When you really like someone platonically do you feel the desire to do anything more than usual with them, like getting urges to hug them or share secrets with them?

You meant a relationship between two aromantic asexuals? They usually do more than expected from a friendship, for example sleeping in the same bed and cuddling. These gestures aren't sexual in nature (i.e. sleeping and cuddling with kids or pets), but most people would find that very unusual for friends to do.

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19 hours ago, DoomDodo said:

Thanks for the insight you guys. When you really like someone platonically do you feel the desire to do anything more than usual with them, like getting urges to hug them or share secrets with them?

I can't speak for anyone else, but I, personally, love physical affection, so yes to the hugging. As for secrets, it's more that I want to talk with them more, not just specifically about secrets, but about deep topics in general. I want to know how/what/why they think and get to know them better through that, and I want them to get to know me better, too.

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I have for so long struggled to understand and define what romantic love is. I have never necessarily felt like like I experienced romantic attraction, based on how I thought of it, but I do easily attach to others and become fast friends with many. I personally care very much for every friend that I have, although I don't have a huge amount of friends(Only about 15). I feel like I would do anything for them, and I am naturally very sensual so I would like to cuddle, hug and kiss them and maybe more, but I still don't feel like I 'love' them. But some say that if I care so greatly and want to be involved with them for the foreseeable future, that is what love is, so I don't know. Maybe I am just a sensual whore with attachment issues. LOL

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I usually define it as the feeling I have towards my very best friends. It is separate from the feelings I have for my family. However, for me, the line between romantic love and non-romantic love is very blurred, so I am probably just as confused as you.

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NerotheReaper

I think it is just like, you care about someone a lot. You want to see them succeed, see them be happy, and you are protective over them. Guess this sounds a lot like what could be considered as 'romantic' love, but for me I believe people need to be friends first before they date or get married. Have that solid foundation of wanting the best for the other person. That you feel like life wouldn't be the same without them

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On 1/17/2017 at 3:06 PM, Joe Parrish said:

Umm, it's love.  It feels the same.  It's that same warm feeling that comes over you.

Yeah, love is love. It's the same whether it's "romantic" or not. What I don't like is when people say they don't believe in love because their romantic relationships don't work out. That's not what love is about.

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For me, it feels like having this intense feeling of connection and longing, and just feeling like my heart is being pulled towards them. The feeling just comes over me suddenly, and I want to hug and squeeze them and never let them go.

I'd also like to note that I have felt this feeling for peers, children, my younger brother, and even my cats. In fact the first memory I have of feeling that way was towards my then two-year-old brother when I was 10.  

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CentaurianPrincess

If you feel a bond with someone and would miss them if they moved away then you love them.

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