Asexuality as a Side-Effect

[Tirnanog]

Hi all, I just wanted to float a question into the forum. 

*Some sexual terms in here, but nothing at all graphic and no real incidents to speak of* 

So pretty much every ace who's out to friends/family/co-workers has been asked if they're sick and that's why they have no libido right? (Even though attraction and libido aren't the same thing, but most people don't realize that.) It's right up there with "Wait till you meet the right person" for common well-meaning but ignorant responses.

Here's the thing. I've been on medication for anxiety and depression since I was roughly 13-ish, and one of the side effects is lack of sexual desire. That said, I can't remember ever having a crush, not in 1st grade, not in 8th grade, not as a senior in high school. I found some people aesthetically attractive, I even developed what may have been a non-platonic friendship with a guy (I still know him and am unsure of how he feels about me, but I'm scared to come out to him because A) I don't know how I classify myself on the spectrum B) I'm not sure how I feel about him and C) he got rejected by another asexual girl back in the day. (Actually, she may have been the first person I'd ever heard of as being ace). He's not at all bitter about it, but I still worry.) 

 

I've tried being off the medication multiple times since 8th grade, but (for various reasons) I always went back on again. During my cold-turkeys, I'd feel depressed and mood swing-y, but also felt higher libido. That said, I still never felt real attraction- it would still be more like Gray-asexual or Demi. All in all, it was deeply troubling and confusing for someone who's never really even experienced attraction.

 

Basically what I'm asking is not whether asexuality can be a side-effect, but whether my medication could have heightened the feelings (or non-feelings) that were already there. Am I unused to libido because I started taking meds when I hit puberty? My mom seems to think so. Again, my 'hardware' works just fine (so to speak), but I have no desire to have sex with anybody. I don't suppose that I'd mind it, probably, but it'd seem kind of invasive and... squishy. Ew. I'd much rather stick with kissing and cuddling. Which I've never even done. *sigh*

 

Bottom line: Ace love life is a bit weird.

[LVG]

It's entirely possible. I had somewhat of a libido before I went on meds. Even though I'm on a very low dosage, it still suppressed what little I had. I considered weening off of it because of this reason, but worried about my sleep anxiety coming back. I ultimately decided that maintaining a healthy mental state is more important than feeling horny, especially when I'm not particularly thrilled with the idea of sex. And yet, I still want to be in a relationship.    

[straightouttamordor]

Well , "they" say the mind is ths greatest sex organ. With either men or women it has to be present for both libido and functioning to occur. And your right, anti depressants do quell libido. I tried them about 15 years ago. Asexuality I believe goes a bit deeper than a side effect. Its more of a mentality than an organic cerebral dysfunction to me. A!though I'm not a doctor or pyscologist and don't pretend to be. 

I can say from a man's perspective that men need respect and honor (not a dictator like Caesaresque worship or Narcissistic admiration) not that at all. Disrespect can destroy a man's libidio and/or functioning, sometimes for good with a partner. Then perhaps he may explore asexual feelings in order to protect his inner most soul from that in the future.

Both men and women get the rejector or prude or saphiosexual or weird or " you have a hang up" moniker placed on them. Those who adhere to being asexual. Its so misunderstood.

[probablypandas]

I think there's a possibility that it could be a side effect, but you also seem to be more naturally ace. Since you can't go off meds, there's no good way to tell. Personally speaking, I tried A LOT of different SSRIs, and they all killed my libido. They didn't make me any more or less asexual though. On or off meds, I'm not sexually attracted to anyone. 

 

You may want to look into other people's experiences with asexuality or with your medication. Remember that it's up to you whether you want to identify as ace, demi, gray, or otherwise. All in all, it depends on what you are comfortable with.

[Star Bit]

Most asexuals have a libido (in terms of masturbation) but they don't have the other half of the word (i.e. desire for sex with anyone). Anxiety medications can impair/kill libido alone, let alone also having antidepressants. I don't know if it can effect romantic feelings. Not having crushes doesn't mean you'd remain asexual off the medication; there are aromantic sexual people. Also, for some sexual people sex is required to create romantic feelings, so there's that possibility too. And who knows if you could end up being Demisexual off the meds. Also, I've heard of antidepressants having permanent side-effects, so who knows what effects it has on a pubescent brain. And going off of it for just a little while wont get it out of your system long enough for things to go back to the way they "should be", plus anxiety can impair orientation as well.

 

It would still be good to try; to get off of the medication and get better therapy to treat your symptoms and see if anything turns up, but if there is no way to safely be off of the meds then perhaps weighing the "what if's" should be thrown out the window kuz this is how it hast to be. And Demisexual is not being ok with sex after a certain bond, it's DESIRING/YEARNING for sex after an abnormal amount of time/bond and there is no way to tell someone is until it simply happens. So nothing you've said points to Gray-A or Demi. I would certainly agree that you taking meds since puberty could make the realization of your orientation off of meds take longer to realize. Also know that most women need arousal or foreplay for their desire for sex to be activated (perhaps specifically with someone you trust or have a crush on), so just because it doesn't end up happening without influence doesn't entirely rule out the possibility of you being a normal sexual person.