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Please Help, I really don't know what I am going through


AnonymousPerson1

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AnonymousPerson1

I have begun to question my sexuality... I am not sure if I am asexual. I felt more sexual attraction to people but now I am feeling much less so. I practically have no sexual feelings at this point.  I have always thought that porn and sex was repulsive; however, I still have had some sexual fantasies. I am not attracted to people being naked, but I do feel sexually attracted to someone if they have clothes on. At this point I don't know if I am actually feeling sexual attraction, or if I have lied to myself over the years and convinced myself that it wasn't just aesthetic attraction. I do have sexual fantasies, but they usually don't directly involve sex. The most I fantasize about would be considered foreplay. I do occasionally fantasize about having actual sex though, but that was never really often and now I am not at all. I am disgusted by the thought of oral sex. I think other people having sex is disgusting, I hate seeing porn, but I still sometimes feel like I want to have sex with certain people. 

 

I have never been very sexual, but recently I feel like I have sexual attraction to almost nothing. When I have aroused thoughts I usually just think about certain features of a certain person's body, but I don't often think about actually having sex with them. Like I will think about a particular part of a person's body that I find attractive, never genitalia, usually legs, posterior, stomach, chest.  I feel arousal and sexual towards people, but I don't usually think about actually having sex with them. I don't know.... This is hard to explain, and I feel like I am trying to explain something that I don't fully understand. I want to have romantic relationships with people but I am not sure if a relationship can be romantic without it being sexual. Am I sexual with a low limbedo or just asexual? I also have never masturbated, I have just never felt the need or desire to. 

 

I am really struggling to understand what I am going through. I don't really know how I feel or what I feel. I think I am asexual but I am just having a really hard time coming to terms with it. Can someone please just tell me what their opinion is? I don't really feel like I have anywhere to go to.  As asexuals, do you go through the same things that I described? Have I just been convincing myself that I am sexual, or was it that I really did feel sexual at one point? I know that no one will really be able to exactly defne my sexuality, only I can do that. But I would just like to know what people think... because I don't. Please help

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Well firstly; welcome!

 

Secondly, it's entirely possible to have a sexless relationship. Like all relationships, communication is important and that topic needs to be discussed. It's possible it would/will make finding a companion harder. But it can be done, I assure you.

 

Thridly, I don't want to raise alarm, but it sounds like you're struggling with this. I'd like to suggest speaking to a professional, especially if you're feeling anxiety about it all. Most areas have free counselling services if you can find them and you only need to ask to find one open to different sexualities.

 

The thing about asexuality, and most sexualities, is it is an incredibly individual thing. The labels we make for these things won't apply to everyone. They can't possibly or there'd be too many to count. There kind of already is, to be honest. But there are places to find all of the 'assigned options' out there if you're interested.

 

And try not to be concerned with rushing yourself. After thinking myself a lesbian for a LONG time, I finally realized I'm actually ace last year... and I'm in my 30's... so yeah. ;)

 

I wish I could better answer your actual question, but I'm lacking in the experience area.

 

As a sounding board, here's my situation: I enjoy touch, as in cuddling and innocent kissing, and sometimes I crave it. But physical touch beyond that stops being pleasing. I enjoy and indulge in a LOT of sex-related media and entertainment from porn to webcomics and fan fiction. I enjoy self gratification on an on and off basis, which seems to change with the wind. I do notice other people on the street that I find to be physically attractive. But I rarely, if ever, think about those people in a sexual fashion.

 

Yeah. Blah. I hope that helps at least a little. But rest assured, above all else, we're all a little different here in the little world of aces.

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