People don't seem obsessed with sex

[Guest]

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[Private]

19 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

That, or because asexuals just have sex on their radar at all, perfectly normative levels of sexual interest seem sex crazed - like calling someone who has sex 3-4 times a week 'hypersexual' for instance.

I have brothers, and when they were in their teens and 20s and had high testosterone levels, they spoke of needing sex daily and sometimes more than once daily.

 

I am asexual, yet I do not consider that behavior abnormal for a sexual person.

 

For my part, most older men, 50s and above, that I have talked to in-person and on forums find sex once a week to be sufficient. 

 

Likely because their testosterone levels have declined.

 

But really, IMO, no level of sex is abnormal if it is not forced and enjoyed.  No desire for sex is normal, too.

 

Telecaster:  Do you own and play a guitar?

 

I play the guitar.  I own a Martin.

[Telecaster68]

Tracy

 

Five guitars - two Telecasterish electrics and a proper Strat, but also a Crafter acoustic (inexpensive, but I love it), and cheapo Eko. I mostly play acoustic these days.

 

Which Martin have you got? I'm envious.

 

 

[Telecaster68]

17 minutes ago, Tracy1 said:

I have brothers, and when they were in their teens and 20s and had high testosterone levels, they spoke of needing sex daily and sometimes more than once daily.

 

I am asexual, yet I do not consider that behavior abnormal for a sexual person.

 

For my part, most older men, 50s and above, that I have talked to in-person and on forums find sex once a week to be sufficient. 

 

Likely because their testosterone levels have declined.

 

But really, IMO, no level of sex is abnormal if it is not forced and enjoyed.  No desire for sex is normal, too.

.

I think it's mostly youngsters who have no real world experience who have odd assumptions about frequency, either incredibly high or incredibly low. The Kinsey Institute stats indicate (in an average, broadbrush way) 3-4 times a week for couples in their 20s, down to 1-2 a week in their fifties..

[Laplace]

Like many others have said, anecdotal experiences will vary. But, in my experience, it's quite common. Maybe it's just confirmation bias, but I see it in tons of video games and entertainment stuff. Comments sections are full of stuff about boobs or how hot a certain character is. I've had the displeasure of hearing how "everyone wants it" from one of my friend's bitchy ex's (who hated me and was a misandrist who thought guys would literally do anything for sex). I've been asked if I masturbated out of nowhere like 3 times. Guys in my dorm in college would talk about how "hot" certain girls were constantly. Heck, there was an unofficial event in college where people would essentially run around in their underwear at night before finals to "destress" (a.k.a. ogle their preferred sex and probably find a hook up). And etc. Those are just my experiences though.

Edit: For reference, I went to a very good public high school and it was still prevalent. For college, I went to UCSB which does have a bit of a party school reputation, however, it is still considered one of the best public univeristies in the US.

[tgif]

Just to clarify, I go to a public high school in eastern Unites States. Though it is very academically driven, there is a clear divide in students who are super academically driven and those who are not. There are drugs and some people have boyfriends/girlfriends but not a lot of talk about sex. 

I find all of your responses really interesting. I'm glad this generated such a discussion.

[WinterWanderer]

I've read lots of good observations here so far. For me, I hear about sex almost daily from at least one person. But I don't think it's because they're "sex-obsessed." I think it has more to do with the fact that many of our jokes in the U.S. are sex-related (i.e., "That's what she said," "She just wants the D," basically anything that comes from the game Cards Against Humanity). My friends in college used sex jokes all the time. Some people (especially some asexuals I've met on this site) may view that as being sex-obsessed. But I wouldn't call it that. 

 

So, no, I don't think most people are obsessed with sex. I do think we need to come up with better humor, though.

 

However, high school was different. At least 75% of my classmates talked about and engaged in sex on a daily/weekly basis. Being a virgin was extremely taboo. 

[miauw]

OK, about the virgin thing.

 

It was very taboo in my neighbourhood too and I never exactly understood why. I just completely forgot about this fact until @Fioryn mentioned virginity being taboo, because half the young people in my neighbourhood were drug addicts and the rest were "only" smoking pot 3 times a day, so I didn't put much stock in their opinion. Funnily enough, the only other virgin girls were the rare ones who also didn't do drugs. Coincidence? I'll let you decide.

These are the same people who, after I apparently hurt the feelings of one boy somehow, sprayed on the playground in front of my house "[miau] is a whore" with around 40 cm high letters. The word "whore" (which also has 5 letters in my language) had a spelling error. I was 12. I laughed myself sick.

 

Anyway, I don't think people at my school talked about sex all that much, at least not publicly, but it was a little different with the crowd I hung out with. I was one of the youngest there at 14 and was known for a short time as "The virgin female Tamagotchi" (uh, the youngest and newest, mostly uninitiated ones in the crowd were called "Tamagotchi"), which was and is completely ridiculous, of course. But after all you cannot expect much maturity from the wolf pack that is a perpetually drunk metal crowd. The nickname didn't actually catch on with everyone and was given to me by a complete arsehole who loathed me for reasons known only to him but that actually had nothing to do with the fact that I was virgin - and the feeling was mutual, also having nothing to do with the nickname on my part. Even with the absurd nickname and the fact that the metalheads were an extremely crude crowd (so sex-related jokes were very, very typical) I wouldn't say that they were obsessed with sex. More with music and drinking and even more drinking and fighting. And internal hierarchy. Sex was somewhere after all of that and it was more important to know who you are sleeping with (internal hierarchy!) and not so much if you are having any sex at all and how and why.

[Private]

5 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Tracy

 

Five guitars - two Telecasterish electrics and a proper Strat, but also a Crafter acoustic (inexpensive, but I love it), and cheapo Eko. I mostly play acoustic these days.

 

Which Martin have you got? I'm envious.

 

 

A dread.  A 70s model.  Not one that's worth a bundle.

[Private]

1 hour ago, Fioryn said:

 

 

So, no, I don't think most people are obsessed with sex. I do think we need to come up with better humor, though.

 

However, high school was different. At least 75% of my classmates talked about and engaged in sex on a daily/weekly basis. Being a virgin was extremely taboo. 

I agree.  I do not think the populace is sex obsessed.  At some point my ex-husband appeared to become sex obsessed because he was not getting sex.  Hence that was all he thought about.

 

I think hollywood appears to be sex obsessed, though.  Even movies that do not need sex scenes seem to have a "gratuitous" sex scene. 

 

I wish Hollywood would make a romantic movie featuring people who do not need to have sex to stay together and to be romantic

[Florenna]

This is just what I've been thinking (and saying) too - certain persons here are trying to claim 99% of people are very sexual, to whom sex is "a priority", and 1% are not, and in my experience, that's simply not the case... Most women especially are not that interested in sex, especially after their 20's, though in my experience men are. (Generalisations yes, but ones that according to my experience are mostly true.)

 

But on the other hand, (current) society in general and media are totally obsessed with sex, no one can honestly claim otherwise, and I do think that makes lots of people think it's the "obligatory" and only way to live, especially as most have never heard of asexuality so cannot identify as such, even if it could apply to them... (I myself did not know about it just a few weeks go, for example...)

[Telecaster68]

Quote

Most women especially are not that interested in sex

Kinsey, with years and years of data, would disagree. What are your sources, apart from your experience?

[Annie9]

Honestly saying, I Don't think that everyone that's sexual are sex crazed but at the same time I don't think they'd give up sex as it is important to them. my former friends talked about sex a lot, like they'd always talk about it and I was just there like "..." 

so I guess it depends on the people and where you come from, in places like east and South Asia people don't really talk about it or show that they're into it. 

Good luck in figuring things out😀

 

[chair jockey]

AVEN is the only place I've talked about sex for the past 10 years. Seriously. I literally have not had so much as the briefest conversation about sex anywhere else in a decade.

 

I have sometimes overheard other people discussing sex amongst themselves, but in all cases these have been people in their teens or early twenties, and--very importantly--none have appeared to have been significant others to each other. Older people and actual couples just don't seem to talk to each other about sex where I can hear them. In fact, the couples I've overheard talking have mostly been talking or outright bickering about money. If I were an alien from outer space, I'd conclude from these observations that being part of a couple has entirely a financial basis.

 

Parts of the public record are oversaturated with sex. Film, television and music have far more sexual content than I've seen anywhere else. But that's explained by the fact that they're selling a product in order to make a profit, and sex sells. The obligatory romance and sexuality in every TV show and movie, and the explicit fucking in some popular music, are marketing tools rather than anything else. They're bothersome but don't reflect reality.

[Guest]

People don't seem obsessed with sex..... because people generally aren't obsessed with sex. The prevalence of sex in the media varies culturally, but people themselves are generally just getting on with their lives, having sex, but not being obsessed with it. There seems to be this odd perception on AVEN that sexual people having a sex life and making the occasional smutty joke = hyper sexual! They are just so obsessed with sex! How do they concentrate when they think abut sex all the time?! Which is just rubbish. I actually think that some asexuals are obsessed with sex what with the way they seem to see it everywhere.

[Telecaster68]

Some of it's age, I think. For teenagers and young twenties, sex and relationships, then later settling down and jobs are the big new thing in their lives, for 30 somethings, it's having kids and houses. In your forties, it's looking after kids and houses. By the time you're in your fifties, it's kids leaving home and retirement...

 

And if you're at odds with most of your peers on those things, then the way they're important in most people's lives is particularly noticeable, even if, in the great scheme of things, it's not actually the dominant thing in their lives.

[Private]

7 hours ago, orange socks said:

Parts of the public record are oversaturated with sex. Film, television and music have far more sexual content than I've seen anywhere else. But that's explained by the fact that they're selling a product in order to make a profit, and sex sells. The obligatory romance and sexuality in every TV show and movie, and the explicit fucking in some popular music, are marketing tools rather than anything else. They're bothersome but don't reflect reality.

Well if "sex sells"  that indicates that a lot of people are thinking about sex.

 

People buy the things that attract them.

 

I absolutely agree that "sex sells,"  but then what does that say about the purchaser.

[chair jockey]

2 hours ago, Tracy1 said:

Well if "sex sells"  that indicates that a lot of people are thinking about sex.

 

People buy the things that attract them.

 

I absolutely agree that "sex sells,"  but then what does that say about the purchaser.

It says that the purchaser has instincts through which they can be manipulated. It doesn't say anything about how they actually live their life.

[Florenna]

18 hours ago, orange socks said:

It says that the purchaser has instincts through which they can be manipulated. It doesn't say anything about how they actually live their life.

Agree, and if you're constantly bombarded with messages all around you about what is the "ideal" way to live and highlighting just some areas of life (sex), you cannot really make conscious, informed and objective choices, free of manipulation...

 

 

[Private]

56 minutes ago, Florenna said:

Agree, and if you're constantly bombarded with messages all around you about what is the "ideal" way to live and highlighting just some areas of life (sex), you cannot really make conscious, informed and objective choices, free of manipulation...

 

 

 Exactly.  It's social engineering.  People are being continually stimulated by sexual imagery and therefore it would be somewhat normal to think about sex often, even if one is not consciously aware that they are thinking about sex.

[Janus the Fox]

Veritable between local cultures, though as asexuals ourselves, we perhaps make no attention to or unable to pick up on this so called sexual obsession.

[200 Ponies]

I always feel like when I'm reading about asexuality people are always saying how sex-crazed the world is and how much sexual people think about sex. But is that actually true? I mean, I could just be oblivious, but I'm in high school and it doesn't seem like people really think about sex, let alone have it. Stuff like that makes me question my asexuality because it seems like hardly anyone experiences sexual attraction. I don't know though.

The first time I realized people were actually having sex and not just talking about it and pretending to (wow, I was such a closeted asexual) was when I was vacationing with some friends, and I recall this moment clearly: I was washing dishes with my friend and he told me about how our mutual friends (let's call them X and Y) finally had sex after years of pining for each other. I called bullshit and said X and Y wouldn't have sex, they just liked each other's company. My friend laughed and told me they hooked up during our vacation last year, too, when everyone else was asleep. He also said how he wished he had "gotten there first" with her.

Now, having grown up with all of these people, I was astounded that anyone my age was even thinking about sex. We're all in our early 20's, and I assumed they, like I, were only focusing on education, friendship, and hobbies. To realize that my friends and peers were all having sex and wanting to have sex floored me. It was then that I realized that people actually desire sex and relationships. I thought about how I was the odd one out, and that sex and relationships weren't just some joke everyone was in on.

So, to directly answer your question, yes. People really are into sex quite a lot (although likely not "sex-crazed"). I never knew it, either, since it isn't on my radar, but apparently that's something people want to do.