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stuff about romantic confusion, insights appreciated


Mychemicalqpr

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Mychemicalqpr

Just let me say I have tried to figure it out on my own before making another topic about not understanding love.  

 

Sometimes I find myself not relating as much as I would have thought to other romantic aces. 

 

The lamentations about being forever alone due to sexual incompatibility--even though I feel sorry for them, I don't personally understand it.  For me, romantic relationships are great, but finding "the one" isn't necessary for a fulfilled life. It wouldn't be devastating if I never found someone, as long as I still had at least one close platonic connection.  

 

You know how we say that most people don't have to try sex in order to know whether or not they want it?  The same did not apply to me with romance.  I had to notice that I was falling for the first time before I realized that I liked it.  I've never had a picture of a "dream guy/girl/person" in my head that I've been searching for.  I just go along my way and let love happen if I stumble upon it.  I still have a tendency to miss subtleties until someone outright tells me they're interested.       

 

I often seem to not relate to the level of intensity of feelings other romantics have.  Unrequited crushes don't really tear me up.  I would be able to be friends with someone I had a crush on and be happy enough with that. I actually get more sad if a squish doesn't want to be my friend than if a crush doesn't want to be my SO. I don't feel like I "lose my senses" the way others do.  I seem to be fairly good at detecting signs of trouble while feeling... limerance I think is the word? Isn't it supposed to have the effect of deluding you a bit?  I don't usually idealize someone way above what is realistic either, which is another symptom of romantic attraction I've heard of.  I also rarely get jealous in a romantic way.  Pairs like Bella and Edward and Clary and Jace just don't even compute.  I wouldn't even want to dream about being swept away by crazy infatuation.  While those books may not represent everyone, they do seem to have become popular. 

 

Still, I am pretty certain, despite missing a few common signs, that I have experienced romantic attraction, even if I don't feel like there's a huge difference between romance and close friendship. Sometimes it takes me a while to sort out the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, but there is a difference.  I'm usually friends with them first too, but with one or two exceptions.

 

So I've had the thought of being a bit grey romantic in the back of my mind for a while now, and it comes up sometimes when I see something that makes me feel like I'm "not a real romantic", but I don't want to make it official without getting feedback and making sure I understand.  I don't want to help spread misconceptions about the aro-spectrum.  I might be overestimating "normal" romantic love. 

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Arvid of Rivendell

You mentioned that it sometimes takes you a while to differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, which sort of sounds like quoiromanticism, but I digress. Based on your description, I think "grey-romantic" would not be a stretch at all. Although it would definitely be helpful to get some opinions from romantics first, it sounds to me like you are in the grey area.

 

Best wishes on figuring out your romantic orientation! :) 

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Mychemicalqpr

I thought quoiromantic was defined as not being able to see/tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction.  I can figure it out, eventually, sometimes. I thought that didn't count? It seems like it's not so uncommon to get confused. 

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