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As I have been trying to understand the various things concerning gender,whether or not related to being asexual, it makes me think...what DOES it mean ..to be male,female? Do we say ,I am a male,or I am a female based on behavior? Like,boys like to play with  trucks,girls like to play with  dolls? For an example. Is it something we feel after being told that is what it means? I'm trying to know all this...my young daughter said she is asexual,fine...now possibly gender less...ok.But again,I guess you would say I am cis,female,hetero..but still I don't know what it Means to Feel Female.I can't compare it to anything.I was born with these parts,but liked trucks and dolls.I have both strong and gender qualities,and so do so,many people I know.It makes me feel sad for people who experience sadnees,pain,confusion,etc.and I want to extend love to them.Any thoughts?

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You might try some of these questions in the gender forum. Good for you for seeking understanding!

 

I think these can be complicated questions or very simple ones, depending on the individual. I think people relate to gender (their own or that of others) to different degrees, whether they are trans or cis. Some people identify very strongly, some hardly at all (or even not at all). I would also say gender is a mix of societal ideas and personal ones. We all define gender in terms of the society we live in, our own experiences and feelings, and probably other factors. Behavior can be part of it, as can self-expression. Of course, some things, like liking toy trucks or dolls, can be separate from gender. Someone who identifies as female or feminine can enjoy trucks. Someone who identifies as male or masculine can enjoy dolls. Same goes for all sorts of "gendered" interests, behaviors, preferences, etc. I guess people who identify with their designated gender at birth, the gender society places them in, may not have much reason to think much about or question their gender or what gender means. But people who don't fit, for whatever reason, may go through a lot of turmoil, self-doubt, questioning (of themselves and of society), and even shame and guilt, etc.

 

The best source for your understanding, I would venture to say, is talking with your daughter about her specific case. You seem like you have a lot of love for her, and I think that's a good start. Keep an open mind and an open heart! :) Best wishes and :cake: !

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Um, the gendered toy thing; on the grounds of trucks vs dolls, is actually due to how male and female brains differ and not so much due to social construct-- though gendered colors and clothing are. Male brains are oriented more physically and female brains are more mental/emotional/social; thus they gravitate toward those toys.

 

Also, a good amount of cultures have more than two gender pronouns (link and link; i suggest reading them in that order). They're either based on someone's role/occupation, dress/facial looks, intersex, genderfluid, non-binary, or even their behavior and sexual oreitnation (e.g. gay men have different pronouns in a few cultures). Some of these also face hardship due to the overtake of European colonization or influence on their culture (i.e. the infection of their two gender idealization).

 

Intriguingly, a third gender (with their own unique gender role) was created in the Dominican Republic because of an extremely rare inheritable intersex characteristic (called 5-ARD), which only affects genetic males. And while they don't experience male-pattern baldness when they get older, they do have an increased risk for cryptorchidism and testicular cancer. This condition is also in Papua New Guinea and Turkey, but is most prevalent in the small remote Dominican village of Las Salinas where 12 out of 13 families had one or more male family members that carried the gene. Though not all the carriers were actually affected; only one in every 90 males there were affected carriers. They're called Guevedoce (literally meaning "penis at 12", which refers to them only starting to develop as men at that age/puberty), or sometimes Machihembras (meaning "first a women, then a man" because they are first assumed to be women and turn out otherwise). In Dominica the transformation is celebrated but in New Guinea they're shunned. And it's actually had representation in media with Nip/Tuck's Quentin Costa having it (in season 3 episode 15) and the book Middlesex being about a man with the condition.

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