If asexuals were to marry, what about the ring ?

[straightouttamordor]

If asexuals were to enter into a marriage or civil union, would you wamt to don the traditional engagement ring and band ?  Would you want more Carats than Buggs Bunny on your finger ?  And would you try to explain your relationship to sexual people ?  Or rock on with your private selves ? 

[Skywolf]

I personally would like to do a lot of the traditional marriage stuff. Engagement ring, wedding rings,  wedding ceremony, honeymoon (though less of the assumed sex, more of the 'vacation with my best friend). Regarding explaining my relationship...currently I am not shy, merely cautious, of telling people i'm ace. I make it clear, if it comes up, I have no interest in that at all. I've never found it necessary to be explicit of "my boyfriend and I never have sex and are not planning to ever have sex because I find it fairly repulsive" but I try not to leave the ambiguity there. However, that's only if it comes up. It's also very much not something I feel needs to be stated, it's all very personal stuff so I only talk about it if it's someone I trust anyway generally. If it's with someone or a level of detail i'm not comfortable with, I feel no shame or regret in telling someone strictly that it the conversation has crossed a line or it's not their business.

[Laplace]

The rings would be black. 

All ace jokes aside, hypothetically (considering I'm likely aro ace), I would probably just go along with whatever my imaginary partner decided to do for the marriage/covenant. If they want to have a standard ceremony, that's fine with me. And, since I'm pretty confident about my orientation, I'd consider telling people about how my relationship. If somebody's got beef with my relationship or how my partner/I identify, tough beans man.

[DayDreamer~]

I'm honestly not that into the traditional stuff... could care less about the ring and I honestly don't want a wedding, since I find it unnecessary and a waste of money. That's not to say I wouldn't spend the money if I honestly wanted one but I just don't see the point. I would be willing to compromise for a small ceremony with immediate family though, I suppose. I'd rather spend the money on an awesome vacation so I could use that line 'and then they played scrabble all night long.'

As for explaining anything I don't feel it's anyone's business, so they can make their jokes all they want but I don't care, that stuff should be between me and whoever I'm with. 

 

That is assuming I ever get married to hypothetical significant other.

[Gloomy]

I don't like wearing jewelry so I wouldn't want a ring. I probably wouldn't try to explain my relationship to anyone either; I don't think it's their business.

[karnzter]

If I were to marry/enter into a civil union or domestic partnership with a guy who is also ace, we might keep it a half-and-half on the traditional/non-traditional side in regarding rings. I'm not into big-stoned and/or high-karat rings, so I find being minimalistic better than being too flashy. Having a silver wedding/union band with a minimally-sized birthstone or two (like these two; and you can have them either in genuine, cubic zirconia or Swarovski zirconia gemstones) or just plain and simple (like these two) are perfect.

 

As for revealing/explaining our relationship to others, me and my future partner will have to discuss it thoroughly and seriously before we explain and/or reveal to anyone.

 

UPDATE; I totally forgot about the ace rings. We're still keeping and wearing it.

[borkfork]

I'm not that big on tradition. The most I've thought about is I don't want to wear white or change my name. Like @DayDreamer~ said above, it would just be a waste of money for me. I never saw my parents wear rings and they've been married for 36 years. Probably one of the reasons I see rings as optional. 

 

With the painting I do I'd probably lose it or be cleaning it all the time anyway. 

 

I don't owe anyone any explanations. My family already knows I really don't want children anyway.  

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

44 minutes ago, prib23 said:

If asexuals were to enter into a marriage or civil union, would you wamt to don the traditional engagement ring and band ?  Would you want more Carats than Buggs Bunny on your finger ?  And would you try to explain your relationship to sexual people ?  Or rock on with your private selves ? 

In my opinion, If I were to get married (or a civil union) I would be fine getting a traditional engagement ring and band. More carats for sure. I personally wouldn't explain anything to sexual folks, I am a very private person. 

[012]

I'd say both traditional wedding bands and Ace rings (on the correct fingers of course).

[Chihiro]

I want carats on each of my fingers and toes and a tiara on my head. I would also use this as an opportunity to spread my propaganda- 'being asexual makes you rich on earth and heaven'. 

 

 

My honest answer is that I hate jewelry. My sexuality is no one's business so I would never explain it to anyone. My preferred style of marriage is signing few papers and no witnesses. (I am a loner LOL, so I have no friends to bring for witness purpose. And my family probably won't agree of anything short of a grand wedding.) 
 

 

[Nene_1010]

I'd go with the traditional way of wearing the wedding bands. I like diamonds so. I'd probably want something unique carved in it that represents asexuality though.   I guess the true nature of the question would be the ceremony. Are asexuals held the the same vow standards? 

 

[AspieAngel]

Not a big fan of jewelry of any kind. Even when I did get married I wore my ring on a simple chain. I've always seen rings as marking your territory. And I'm not a territory to be marked  

[Bezzy-Loo]

While I don't intend to marry, I did think about stuff like that back when I thought I was going to. For ring, much as I like sparkle, I'd want something toned down (because a large stone would get in the way) and not overly expensive (since I'm gonna manage to ruin it). 

 

And while I'd be conscious of a partner's feelings about it being known they they're in a relationship with an ace, ideally it's be someone who wouldn't care, and I'd be just as open about it as I am now - that is, I'm happy to explain that I am ace and what that means, and even discuss trends and variations among aces, but outside of anonymity, I don't discuss certain personal details.

[ShyFeather]

It would be nice if they made wedding bands with the ace colors. I've seen some with rainbow stones that are really pretty. Knowing me, though, I would rather just have a band. I'm not all the interested in over-inflated rocks.

 

One thing I've thought of is that I wouldn't want to do the garter/bouquet thing since both are references to the bride being "deflowered". I don't even think I'd wear a dress since I hate them. If my partner were female maybe if she wanted to wear a dress I could find a suit that matches. Unless I'm living in Japan by then. I'd be down with a kimono,

[King Al]

I've never really been big on marriage. Never felt like the type of gal that would get married. But just because it's not something I'm dying to do doesn't mean I haven't thought of it. 

I don't think I would tell anyone about our/my asexuality. Don't find it necessary. 
Traditional rings would be alright. I'm not very creative. I guess my ideal wedding rings would look like this... But that means that they have to be a fan of Zelda too. 

 

Obviously the best rings around, of course.  

[Vicky Angel]

No rings here, maybe matching watches?

[Guest]

I don't think i'll ever get married but.. how about matching nintendo 3ds with our names carved in them? I think that would work?

[Adrastaea]

I had a spate of friends getting married a few years back, and in the course of watching innumerable episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and admiring every plan for the wedding that was presented to me, I developed a few opinions. 

As this is really not the place to go into all of them, I'll limit myself to the rings in particular: I don't like rings (except my ace ring), and I hate diamonds. I would not totally object to an engagement ring, so long as it wasn't diamond, but I'm never going to wear it. Wedding bands are right out, though. All the rings are an unjustifiable expense, as far as I can see, and when you consider that they were originally meant to give the woman something to live off of if she got ruined by being left at the alter, they're kind of offensive. Plus, when I was growing up my parents didn't wear their rings, so maybe I'm just not used to them. 

Swapping something small but meaningful would be more important to me. I had some friends who married with Green Lantern rings; that's not my jam, but I thought the sentiment was nice.

[Sea Lemon]

I'm not really expecting to be getting married at any point in the near future, but if I did I'd probably dispense with a lot of the traditions - I definitely wouldn't change my name and I don't much like wearing rings so an engagement or wedding ring would be pointless because I'd just feel uncomfortable and they'd get lost within a few days.

The whole wearing a fancy sparkly dress and having a party with tonnes of cake would be right up my street though

[miauw]

I'm not really big on tradition, but rings have always been a very personal thing for me.

 

I wear the first ring I ever got an eternity ago (from my grandmother) when I am home and change it for various ace rings when I go out - I haven't yet found a black ring which I can wear comfortably around the clock on the right finger and I am hesitant to stop wearing the one from my grandmother. On the left middle finger I wear the ring of a dear friend of mine who passed away and what used to be the wedding band of my brother, who recently divorced, because he couldn't bear to see it but wanted to keep it in the family (we are a little weird this way, I guess). I also have a three-in-one and a five-in-one interlocked rings I tend to constantly fiddle with (only one of them at a time), and quite ironically I got both of them from people I hate (closest word I can come up with).

 

When I was engaged I wore my partner's ring (i.e. a ring he took from his own finger and put on mine) on my right index finger, because that's where it fit. There is a convoluted story of this ring going back and forth between us, some of it pre-dating the engagement, and there was a shift in its meaning every time it changed hands. In the end it was just accepted as my ring and a symbol of our relationship and all we've been through together. It broke in two shortly before we broke up the final time, heh! How's that for symbolic.

 

Assuming I ever marry, I don't think I would want an engagement ring, certainly not a traditional one. It wouldn't have the same unlooked for sentimental value as the one I used to wear. I would like a wedding band though, as a physical reminder of the person and as a deterrent. But the whole diamonds-white dresses-huge party thing - yeah, no thank you, sounds like a nightmare.

 

[Red Fox]

5 hours ago, ShyFeather said:

It would be nice if they made wedding bands with the ace colors. I've seen some with rainbow stones that are really pretty. Knowing me, though, I would rather just have a band. I'm not all the interested in over-inflated rocks.

 

One thing I've thought of is that I wouldn't want to do the garter/bouquet thing since both are references to the bride being "deflowered". I don't even think I'd wear a dress since I hate them. If my partner were female maybe if she wanted to wear a dress I could find a suit that matches. Unless I'm living in Japan by then. I'd be down with a kimono,

I love this!!  I would soooo love to wear a Kimono!

 

I would quite like to get married someday, and I would like to wear a dress and have a ring, but I agree, something plain and inexpensive.  I would be happy for my partner to wear a dress/suit/kimono, whatever they were happy wearing.  I also wouldn't mind if they did or didn't want to wear a ring. We would look awesome together regardless of what we wore  

[biancaboricua13]

Hmmm...if I were to remarry...

 

Traditional ---- that's out, not into the white dresses, frills, and hullabaloo. Don't care about engagement rings and wedding bans. I only wear one ring, that's all I can stand (not big on jewelry).

I could do the civil/courthouse marriage and then take a long vacation. Jeans and t-shirts are fine for me. 

On the subject of telling others, it really isn't anyone else's business that I/we are happily asexual forever. Ha.

However, since I'm a bit of a recluse and don't care to draw attention to myself, remarriage seems to be a no-go at this station. 

 

[Chihiro]

9 hours ago, ShyFeather said:

One thing I've thought of is that I wouldn't want to do the garter/bouquet thing since both are references to the bride being "deflowered". I don't even think I'd wear a dress since I hate them. If my partner were female maybe if she wanted to wear a dress I could find a suit that matches. Unless I'm living in Japan by then. I'd be down with a kimono,

OMG! Yes. Although I dislike marriage ceremonies, I would totally do it if it means I can wear kimono  But ofcourse, I don't want anyone else present apart from me, my SO and the Japanese priest  

[Private]

16 hours ago, prib23 said:

If asexuals were to enter into a marriage or civil union, would you wamt to don the traditional engagement ring and band ?  Would you want more Carats than Buggs Bunny on your finger ?  And would you try to explain your relationship to sexual people ?  Or rock on with your private selves ? 

I would prefer to rock on in private, if I remarry.  It's no one's business whether or not my spouse and I have sex. 

 

I am not sure I want to remarry, but have not ruled it out.  Never say never for me at least.

 

As for all the traditional stuff......well, I am flexible.  I would like to compromise with my partner once I find out what he prefers.

 

 

[LadyBear]

If I were to marry...

I'd like a small traditional wedding: engagement ring, white dress, flowers, and wedding rings.

I personally don't like showy jewelry, so something small, not too many carats or stones... and I'd love custom made wedding rings or something like that, not anything really strange but something unique.

 

But I don't see why I'd have to explain anything to anyone, so maybe my close friends, and even then maybe, only if they bring it up.

[karnzter]

Speaking of minimalistic rings, I found some beautiful engagement ones where some of their bands can also be customized if you like the simple classic band. Here are a couple of examples that I like.

 

Also, if anyone wants a pair of ace rings as their wedding/union band, these ones that I found months ago came into mind. I'm not sure if the third one is the actual writing of the One Ring from LOTR, so please inform me if it is or not.

 

Man, titanium is one pretty expensive metal. Funny enough, my original plan was to get the female-sized plain all-black titanium ring as my first ace ring, but Zöey sells their wedding bands only as pairs and not available individually.

[Busrider]

Quote

would you try to explain your relationship to sexual people ?  Or rock on with your private selves ? 

Honestly does confuse me.

What is there that might have to be explained?

All marriages are the same: 2 people decide to wager divorce lawyer's fee and believe into getting along with each other.

Why should one or even both partners asexuality deserve mentioning? Especially to whom and also (in a mixed marriage) by whom? - I am smelling a minefield here and would treat the topic extremely carefully, double checking at least with the spouse if not even getting legal advice.

Yes, you are an individual and married for fun but maybe you are supposed to serve as arm candy? - Or you devalue the advances stopping power of your marriage entirely by coming out in the village pub as an entirely asexual ED case? Isn't it your partner's choice which lies to present to their family (as long as those lies accelerate your monsters in law's departure)?

 

Rings: I hate them. AFAIK I am also not permitted to wear one at work, so if she insists I'd opt for a tattooed one for myself. If she insists on one as an engagement sign, I'll try to keep it appropriate; maybe silver instead of diamonds or such. - There is other stuff I'd rather waste money on.

[theinkstainedhands]

If I ever get married I would prefer to have my claddagh  ring resized to fit my left hand. 

[BobRossRules]

The first time I got married, I had the engagement and wedding ring, church wedding, and honeymoon.  The second time around, we just went to the courthouse.  I'm over all the ceremony stuff.  If I was to give it another go....I'd just keep my current black ring and keep my last name.  On the other hand, if ceremony and rings were important to the other person, then I'd go along.  However, I still won't change my last name!    

[deleted_account]

If I ever get married, I want a simple silver band or a claddagh. I have nickel allergies, so I can't wear a lot of jewelry. Also I'd want something that was relatively unisex - so no big jewels and nothing too feminine. No big honking macho guy rings, either.

 

I'm not asexual (at least not right now), but if I ever got married I doubt I'd tell anyone about my partner's and my sex life. That's a personal thing and I think confiding too many details about a sexual/romantic relationship reflects poorly on a person.