luzblue Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Hi, hello all, I haven't been an AVEN member for long as I've only recently come to the conclusion that I'm gray-ace and aromantic (I do experience some sexual feelings sometimes but never act on them--I did act on them a couple times in the past when highly intoxicated--in which occasion I regretted it and felt empty and broken afterwards). A couple months back I dated this guy for a very short while, and even though I didn't know I was ace I was already pretty confused and left things awkwardly in a "I want nothing serious but maybe we can hook up sometime". Now, present day, he's messaging me asking why we never did see each other again. He always was nice to me and never pressured me so I don't want to hurt his feelings and I want to be honest. Yet I really don't know him all that well and don't know how much I should disclose at this point. How would you guys handle the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 If want to 'come out' then go for it, but it really isn't necessary in this situation. You are not obligated to explain why you don't want to meet up, just politely stating that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with him is good enough, and far kinder than leaving him hanging with the hope that there may be some potential there. Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I'm a bit triggered right now, because people who avoid confrontation at all costs tend to push my buttons. Sometimes it's a good idea to avoid confrontation. When someone three times as large as you has a weapon, and you don't, it's smart to avoid them and even run from them. But sometimes confrontation is the only way to handle things. You hurt someone's feelings a lot more by leaving them wondering what's going on than by simply telling them directly and frankly how you really feel. Avoiding confrontation in that case, purely for the sake of avoiding confrontation, is unethical because of the way it prolongs pain and causes additional pain. I hope I've managed to remain polite and constructive when all I really want to do is scream insults at you. Hope you get things resolved in a way that's satisfactory for everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 If you want to answer him, just honestly say you're not interested in hook ups right now, so that's why you never got together with him. If you want to hang out as friends, add "But, if you wanna hang out as friends sometime, let me know!" ... if not, just leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
luzblue Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Thanks for the input!@nonne sorry for the triggering Link to post Share on other sites
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