• Announcements

    • Kisa the Cat

      World Watch Archiving Project

      Hello everyone, Please read this thread before posting to World Watch Thank you.
    • Kisa the Cat

      Avenues May/June   05/09/17

      Hello AVENites! The newest edition of AVENues is now ready! Our theme this time was "ace connections".  May/June
Asthoer

A question for asexuals about transgender.

23 posts in this topic

First of all, I've got nothing against LGBT people, I respect them all.
 I've been investigating and asking many people, and I got to the point of this conclusion: It is harded to accept "gays" and women transgenders for "masculine-gender" people. And it's harded to accept "lesbians" and men transgender people for women. This is not always the case obviously, but as far as Ive asked and by my one experience I can tell it's moderately true. 

What do you think about this?
I wanted to ask asexuals, wether you are a man or a woman, what do you feel? or what was more "difficult" to accept for you?. 

Thank you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's about religious/cultural/societal beliefs and desire preference I guess.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I personally had a little bit of a hard time accepting trans folks when I was a kid,but as I grew older and became more educated on Gender Identity Disorder, and how trans folk brain structure was close to the gender they identified with,I had no trouble accepting them, or gay people. I personally look back at my life and feel embarrassed on how closed minded I was (I was a kid when I was close minded,but still..)

Personally, I wouldn't mind dating a trans person and being in a platonic relationship with them (I'm not to big on romance with anyone in general,but if I do get into a romantic relationship, I wouldn't mind being in a romantic relationship with a trans person).

 

I can't speak for all aces here, of course, but this is my experience. I hoped I helped at least a little :)

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure if my asexuality had anything to do with this, since I was in that early teen, 'some kids are starting to feel attraction but you're not 'late' if you don't' yet phase when I noticed that I'm...everything blind. Colour blind, gender blind, social status blind. For me, none of that matters the slightest. If you're happy and not purposefully interrupting other people's happiness, I have zero issues with you. I have issues with people who take offense easily, but if some one doesn't make a big deal out of whatever 'non-normative' thing they've got going on, correcting me in a "Hah, actually I prefer this if you don't mind." kind of way, it feels to me exactly like some one saying they don't like a certain type of food. Its not a big deal, its not even A deal, its just how it is, and I've never really seemed to have a problem with that mentality. I was actually super confused when I first found out that some people DO have problems with how others perceive themselves. But then, as I've said before here on Aven, I've always just seen people as...people. Not 'transgender' people or 'asexual' people or 'rich' or 'African' or 'Christian' people...just people, with differences and similarities and hopes and ideals and preferences and desires.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not that hard for me accept personally. There's no reason for me to care beyond something like "Oh, my buddy [RJ] is a she now." Maybe I would feel more threatened by trans persons if I was interested in what's in that person's pants.

 

I was raised with the idea that people are people and who they have sex with isn't any of my business. Oversimplified, but for my baby boomer parents, I think they had the right intention.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People in society have a hard time accepting people who don't want to conform to gender norms, because they want everyone to be the same. As asexuals, we may face the same prejudices, except we are defined by lack of sexual behavior, and therefore can "hide" more, or avoid talking about our difference...
I personally don't feel the desire to be in a relationship (which is my personal affair and does not define other asexuals), the person being male or female has no affect on this, the person having been born with one or the other genitalia doesn't have an effect either.
Prejudice is born out of ignorance and fear. I just wish people would just leave other people be.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Asthoer said:

First of all, I've got nothing against LGBT people, I respect them all.
 I've been investigating and asking many people, and I got to the point of this conclusion: It is harded to accept "gays" and women transgenders for "masculine-gender" people. And it's harded to accept "lesbians" and men transgender people for women. This is not always the case obviously, but as far as Ive asked and by my one experience I can tell it's moderately true. 

What do you think about this?
I wanted to ask asexuals, wether you are a man or a woman, what do you feel? or what was more "difficult" to accept for you?. 

Thank you!

I had to read this a few times to understand it. I don't think this is really the case. I don't think it's hard to accept gay or transgender people, I think it's a lot harder to accept heteronormativity. I don't think it's easier for women to accept gay men and men to accept lesbians. I can see the perspective of lesbians a lot better than I can see the perspective of gay men. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/11/2017 at 6:36 AM, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said:

Gender Identity Disorder

Uhmm, I realize that this is most likely not on purpose, but it can be considered offensive to still call it a disorder. It's been updated in the DSM 5 and it's called 'gender dysphoria' now. Just a heads up. :)

 

As for the topic of this thread, accepting L,G,B and T people has always been very easy for me. That's probably got more to do with how I was raised than with my gender.

Since kindergarten I've had classmates with gay parents so I've always thought that was normal.

As for trans folks, I remember this one time, I must have been about seven, I saw a person that didn't really look male or female, so I quietly asked my mom about it, and my mom was just like "Well, sometimes people are just androgynous, and that's okay."

(I'm not saying all trans people are androgynous, but acceptance of gender-nonconformity and trans-acceptance logically go hand in hand.)

 

On the flip-side, I did struggle with accepting my own asexuality, non-binary-ness and bi-ness, so I guess accepting yourself is different from accepting others? I feel like that's kind of hypocritical, but that's the way it is. Does anyone feel the same way?

I vividly remember this one time when I was fourteen and I was talking about gay stuff with a friend and I said: "Yeah sure, of course I don't have a problem with gay people. I just wouldn't want to be gay myself. Seems tough."

Boy, was I in for something.

And then there was this other time (13yo) when my English teacher told us "One in seven people are gay or bi. That's at least three of you in this very classroom." and all I could think was "Oh shit, what if it's me?"

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Laurann said:

Uhmm, I realize that this is most likely not on purpose, but it can be considered offensive to still call it a disorder. It's been updated in the DSM 5 and it's called 'gender dysphoria' now. Just a heads up. :)

 

As for the topic of this thread, accepting L,G,B and T people has always been very easy for me. That's probably got more to do with how I was raised than with my gender.

Since kindergarten I've had classmates with gay parents so I've always thought that was normal.

As for trans folks, I remember this one time, I must have been about seven, I saw a person that didn't really look male or female, so I quietly asked my mom about it, and my mom was just like "Well, sometimes people are just androgynous, and that's okay."

 

On the flip-side, I did struggle with accepting my own asexuality, non-binary-ness and bi-ness, so I guess accepting yourself is different from accepting others? I feel like that's kind of hypocritical, but that's the way it is. Does anyone feel the same way?

I vividly remember this one time when I was fourteen and I was talking about gay stuff with a friend and I said: "Yeah sure, of course I don't have a problem with gay people. I just wouldn't want to be gay myself. Seems tough."

Boy, was I in for something.

And then there was this other time (13yo) when my English teacher told us "One in seven people are gay or bi. That's at least three of you in this very classroom." and all I could think was "Oh shit, what if it's me?"

OMG I didn't know that! Thanks for the heads up! Sorry if I offended anyone!!!!

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said:

Sorry if I offended anyone

No harm done :)

Don't worry.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As a transgender person myself, I have no problem with accepting it. Some of us are just born this way and it's nobody's fault. When it comes to acceptance, I just wish others could understand that being born in the wrong body can cause a serious distress. 

I can't speak for the whole humanity, though. Some people have a problem with it, some don't,  and some just don't give a shit. That's all.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, m4rble said:

I had to read this a few times to understand it. I don't think this is really the case. I don't think it's hard to accept gay or transgender people, I think it's a lot harder to accept heteronormativity. I don't think it's easier for women to accept gay men and men to accept lesbians. I can see the perspective of lesbians a lot better than I can see the perspective of gay men. 

 society reacts to (F)AFAB gender non-comforming people better than with (F)AMAB gender non-conforming people, I think people believe (F)AFAB gender non-comforming people are oppressed women who gave up being women, while they perceive (F)AMAB gender non-conforming  people as sassy b#tches.

This fact comes due to the fact that (F)AMAB gender non-conforming folks have a very hard time find jobs other than the exploration of their bodies throughout sex working. (F)AFAB gender non-comforming people have a better time finding jobs and are overall more passable as male.

90% of all (F)AMAB gender non-conforming people of my country are sex workers bc they never had other opportunities in life, these people are usually expelled from their houses, schools and families very early in life.

I think, we should also mention that society is overall more OK with (F)AFAB people wearing boxers compared to (F)AMAB people wearing panties.

 

 

 

 

 

Moving subject, butch lesbians are more accepted than femme gay men, bc feminist reasons, feminism has builden up the image of the powerful independent woman towards the tomboyish girls, I guess bc the idea of masculinity representing power, and in this case feminist equality . While on the other hand, femme gay men are perceived as being inferior to straight men, bc usually, being feminine, mean being inferior in the patriarchal world we live in.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It actually was hard for me to accept LGBT+ people, which might seem funny now.  I didn't have the benefit of growing up being taught that people's business is their own business.  My environment was nominally accepting, open-minded, and well-intended, but didn't truly achieve that.  I got misinformation about gay/trans people based on confusion of them for the same thing, stereotypes, and the idea that there were "real cases" and "teenagers who want to be cool and trendy".  I also saw some negative reactions in general to binary-nonconformity.  

 

Fortunately, I had an opportunity to have my mindset challenged.  For an English project in 9th grade, we were to choose a group that we thought was discriminated against to write and present about.  A lesbian did her project on homophobia.  I'd never heard the facts, so when she laid out all the statistics on things like conversion therapy, hate crimes, and suicide, I was shocked. I couldn't believe I'd never heard of any of it before, and I realized that it was unlikely many people would do this just to be cool. It was possibly the biggest eye opener in my entire life. Over the next three years I further educated myself, worked on overcoming my biases, and had realizations along the way.   

 

I guess that's why I keep trying to speak up, because I know it's not as pointless as it may seem.  Give people a chance, and you might find someone who is willing to listen, even if it takes some time to sink in.  That was me.  

 

That's my story.  I hope it was maybe a little inspiring? 

 

As for if males have a harder time accepting male-born trans/gays and females a harder time accepting female-born trans/gays, (I think that's what the OP was saying?) perhaps it's because some homophobic people are discomforted by the possibility that a gay/trans person might be interested in them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, twilightstarr said:

As for if males have a harder time accepting male-born trans/gays and females a harder time accepting female-born trans/gays, (I think that's what the OP was saying?) perhaps it's because some homophobic people are discomforted by the possibility that a gay/trans person might be interested in them.

Or they're discomforted by the possibility that they might be interested in a gay/trans person. :ph34r:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To be honest, before I joined AVEN, I had absolutely no idea about Trans existing, and had no experience with anything else LGBT related. There was only one person that I'm aware of that I saw around a long time ago, and only a handful of times that may of been trans, but I never got to meet them. This did have some issues when I was new here because of it, but over the time I've been here, I've actually learnt a few things and am now more accepting of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Laurann said:

Uhmm, I realize that this is most likely not on purpose, but it can be considered offensive to still call it a disorder. It's been updated in the DSM 5 and it's called 'gender dysphoria' now. Just a heads up. :)

Wikipedia says asexuality is usually considered a disorder, which I found quite upsetting... :( 

 

As for the actual topic, I have a slightly different perspective on this as my older daughter is (probably) transgender... She's just 14 yet, so it may still be in flux, but she really wants to have corrective surgery to become male... I've found this difficult to accept, but I'm trying.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Florenna said:

Wikipedia says asexuality is usually considered a disorder, which I found quite upsetting... :(

That is upsetting. There's a disorder called Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) which sounds like asexuality, but in the DSM 5 (sort of like a therapist manual) that's been updated as well. Therapists now can't diagnose anyone who self-identifies as asexual with that disorder.

Wikipedia should be updated too, because it's simply wrong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, it should, and hopefully someone will. (Actually, now that I checked, it was my native language version of wikipedia; I can't find anything specifically stating that in the English language version.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Florenna said:

it was my native language version of wikipedia

Oh, maybe you could edit it then? :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can try; I used to have wikipedia editor access years ago, but I've lost my access details :redface:  But the annoying thing is, often as soon as I had edited something, someone else came and edited it back again...  (The subject matters were totally different though, as I had no idea of asexualism back then ;) ) 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Florennaif you do get to edit here's a reference for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Borkfork! :)  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me I was born and riased in hawaii which is a very accepting place. So I've been involved with the LGBT+ for a long time and always accepted everyone becasue we're all human.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now