WishfulThinker Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Ok so i recently started thinking that i might be asexual. I've heard the term before but knew what it meant but never really stopped and thought about it. A little bit of my history that brought me to this conclusion: I'm 25 and female, never really had a boyfriend - once in high school but that was like just saying you were boyfriend/girlfriend but not actually going out or kissing or anything, partly because i always made an excuse not to kiss him and as soon as it happened i was freaked out and i just wanted to be back on my own. I went on a few dates at the end of last year and all i could think of was that i hated the company and wanted to be on my own. I have friends that i hang out with occasionally but i tend to just really love my own company. The thought of a relationship scares the crap out of me. Along that line i've never been properly kissed or had sex. I'm really not that interested in either, i don't like people touching me. I rarely hug my friends or even family - the only exception is my mum. The thought of someone touching me makes me uncomfortable and i just want them to leave me alone. I can watch sex in movies or read it in books and it's fine - tried watching porn but i just think it's so fake and disgusting. I've tried masturbating but while i know my body can feel arousal, my head is thinking about the last movie i watched or what i want to do on the weekend so i can never get into it. I've suffered depression for about 10 years and i got bullied quite badly in high school and while i think that contributed to my avoidance of people and getting close to people, i realise that i've actually felt this way since i was a kid. I've always kept to myself and had trouble forming relationships because i really don't care. When i try to talk to people about this no one understands, they all say "when you find the right person" or "maybe you're just not ready yet". They make it sound like something is wrong with me and that i need to fix myself so i can find a partner. I can find males and females physically attractive but i don't want to touch them or have a relationship/sex with them. I'm so glad i found this site, and i would appreciate any thoughts anyone would like to share with me on my life. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ElenaP Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Hi there. I completely understand what you're saying. I've never had a boyfriend and never tried to be in a relationship bcoz I assume by default that the opposite person will be sexual. I just joined this forum today, and was browsing around trying to get the courage to post and I found your post! So hi! I've never been attracted to anyone sexually, and being Asian by ethnicity, I could never say that out loud, not even to my closest friend because I cant imagine their reaction! I can find men physically attractive too but just the idea of them touching me makes me anxious. I've actually come to a point in my life where I would like a partner, but it seems impossible to just meet someone who happens to be just like I am. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SpeakoftheDevil Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 100% everything that you just said. I knew about asexuality for about a year and a half before I applied it to myself just because it felt so foreign. Like.. I can't be that can I? I said the whole "you just have to grow up and have a real boyfriend", etc. to myself more than anybody said it to me. But now that I've accepted it I can't believe I ever thought I was anything else. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yeehaw123 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 WELCOME! happy you found this community, it really has helped me a lot on finding out who I am. To me you seem like you're aromantic & asexual, but there's a lot of other sub catagories that you could fit as well. What helped me a lot was going onto AVENwiki and finding a word that fit me! I'm a heteroromanic asexual, and it's really great to say. feel free to message anyone of us Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WishfulThinker Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 i cannot say enough how amazing it is to find people who think and feel the same way. All my friends are in relationships and at the point of getting married and everytime i go out with my brother he always wants to find someone for me. I always thought i just needed to 'grow up' but the more time passes, the more i realise that i still don't want to be with anyone and my own company is fine by me. Thank you all for your comments, it's kind of a new feeling to be accepted for who you are without people questioning you all the time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Reideemer Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Hi, I'm 2 years into my marriage to my hypersexual husband, and just finally started admitting to myself that I am a heteroromantic asexual. I adore my husband and we have a 1 year old daughter who is the light of my life, but it just never clicked why I didn't really get into sex. I mean, I really tried to. I just always thought that my aversion to sexual contact was something wrong with me. And I love my husband too much to just cut off such a big part of his needs. Then I found this site and everything made sense. Now life just feels more clear and I've decided to just let my husband enjoy some tail on the side seeing as he doesn't link sex and love in his mind. He just has a stupidly high sex drive (bordering on addiction). We set ground rules (always use protection, never at our house, always have your phone, etc). And it seems to be working. Our relationship seems stronger than ever now that sex isn't an issue. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yeehaw123 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 27 minutes ago, TwitchKitten said: Hi, I'm 2 years into my marriage to my hypersexual husband, and just finally started admitting to myself that I am a heteroromantic asexual. I adore my husband and we have a 1 year old daughter who is the light of my life, but it just never clicked why I didn't really get into sex. I mean, I really tried to. I just always thought that my aversion to sexual contact was something wrong with me. And I love my husband too much to just cut off such a big part of his needs. Then I found this site and everything made sense. Now life just feels more clear and I've decided to just let my husband enjoy some tail on the side seeing as he doesn't link sex and love in his mind. He just has a stupidly high sex drive (bordering on addiction). We set ground rules (always use protection, never at our house, always have your phone, etc). And it seems to be working. Our relationship seems stronger than ever now that sex isn't an issue. wow that's really cool that you were able to do that. & glad you found AVEN! this community is awesome Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Red Sun Rises Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'm 24, and I actually have kind of a similar story to yours, @WishfulThinker. Since I was a kid, I knew I didn't want the things that my peer group wanted - they liked playing wedding games, and dating games, and talking about boys and stuff, but I never did (needless to say I didn't have many friends - I was also kind of a bully, could never fit in with the girls bc they liked talking about all that stuff, never fit in with the boys bc I was a girl, etc.). Anyhoo, by the time I was in late middle school/early high school I was, ya know, kinda cute and had a good figure, so guys started hitting on me. I never realized what they were doing and ended up friendzoning a s**t-ton of guys because I had literally no idea they wanted anything more than to be my friend until I heard my mom bragging about how I was so smooth in turning the boys down (or something to that effect). I never dated or anything like that (probably because I was so oblivious), but I was convinced that growing up and getting married and having little mini-me's was what I had to do, and I would vacillate between thinking I was the only one in the world who felt like I did (no sexual feelings at all), or that everyone felt like I did and they all just did it anyway. When I found AVEN, I began to realize that there was a difference between things I experienced (asexuality) and what other people experienced (some kind of sexuality), and I finally understood that I didn't have to do anything, and having sex was one of the things I was NOT going to do, cause it's super repulsive to me - like why would I want to swap body fluids when there are so many germs and diseases that can be spread that way? I don't even eat or drink after other people, let alone swap spit or mush reproductive organs together. I tell people that I'm going to spend my life as a single person, and everyone is all like "ohhhh, you'll find your special someoooone" or "I believe there's someone out there for everyoooone." That'll never end, I know, but what I do with my life isn't going to be affected by what they believe about romance and sexuality. Hey, I'm a 24 year old special ed teacher who worked her way through college to graduate with no debt (and no distracting relationships), got a job immediately upon graduation, and as of three months ago owns her own place. I think that's pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. Sometimes I wish I was normal - like, I can see people who are super happy in their relationships (and it wouldn't hurt having another salary helpin' out with the mortgage), and sometimes I wish I wanted that kind of relationship with someone, because being different from the norm and disappointing your whole family is pretty hard. But then I remember all the crappy relationships I've seen people in, and all the extra effort human interactions take on a daily basis just wears me out, and I'm so glad I get to come home to my isolation with no worries of it being intruded on. Ahhhh... tl;dr - I feel you, man, and welcome to the Brotherhood Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WishfulThinker Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Oh man the amount of people that say "you'll find someone when you're ready" or other bullshit just pisses me off!!! It's like they can't understand that some people like being on their own. It's not really that foreign of an idea is it? I have a mortgage as well and yes a second income would be amazing but it's not worth the trade of having someone in my life. @TwitchKitten i think it's amazing that you have a relationship that works for you guys. Sometimes i think i might like to have kid one day but i always worry that i wouldn't be a good parent when it came to things sex and relationships because i can't deal with that as an adult. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gigimuna Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 deteted post Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 I don't get why you put your A/Sexuality as Gray-romantic when everything you've said points to aromantic. Aesthetic attraction doesn't make someone Gray-romantic; that's just platonic admirance of looks. Also, you may want to look into aspergers (male and female diagnosis is different and females are underdiagnosed). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yeehaw123 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 On 1/8/2017 at 4:10 PM, Red Sun Rises said: I tell people that I'm going to spend my life as a single person, and everyone is all like "ohhhh, you'll find your special someoooone" or "I believe there's someone out there for everyoooone." That'll never end, I know, but what I do with my life isn't going to be affected by what they believe about romance and sexuality. Hey, I'm a 24 year old special ed teacher who worked her way through college to graduate with no debt (and no distracting relationships), got a job immediately upon graduation, and as of three months ago owns her own place. I think that's pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. Sometimes I wish I was normal - like, I can see people who are super happy in their relationships (and it wouldn't hurt having another salary helpin' out with the mortgage), and sometimes I wish I wanted that kind of relationship with someone, because being different from the norm and disappointing your whole family is pretty hard. But then I remember all the crappy relationships I've seen people in, and all the extra effort human interactions take on a daily basis just wears me out, WOW you're honestly such an inspiration, that's so awesome! & who needs a relationship when you can have animals That's how I see it, as long as I have a dog or cat, I'll be a happy person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.