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What does it mean to feel gender


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I'm a transsexual woman, who is fully transitioned (has had hrt for years and had srs). As I am, I feel like I just exist as a female, it's not an issue to me at all. I don't really do any female stereotypical things at all. I know that I feel strongly about being this way, that's why I transitioned, the idea of being male was and is repulsive, having a masculine body was repulsive and dysphoric. I still feel dysphoric about certain elements of my physical body.

I know that I am female and I feel that way, but I can't even say what that really means... It doesn't come down to any stereotypes of gender at all.

 

I'm curious to see what other peoples idea of what feeling gender is like to them... that's why I'm making this topic.

 

I hope this topic isn't too poorly written

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I have no idea myself. It something one feel or one don't.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I haven't got a clue, I just know something doesn't line up between mind and body.

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I don't think gender is much of a "feeling". The vast majority of people I've seen that claim gender has a feeling are NB and claim they don't feel like male or female, or people who say they feel like a gender when they're doing stereotypical things (like "I feel like a guy because I don't like wearing dresses") ...

 

I've seen very few (if any) cis people say they have a feeling of gender, and (binary) trans people who use "feeling like a gender" use it as an oversimplification of being trans rather than an innate feeling. I "feel like" a guy in the way I'm dysphoric about being female and would rather be male in the biological sense.

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Calligraphette_Coe
58 minutes ago, Mystic Maya said:

I'm a transsexual woman, who is fully transitioned (has had hrt for years and had srs). As I am, I feel like I just exist as a female, it's not an issue to me at all. I don't really do any female stereotypical things at all. I know that I feel strongly about being this way, that's why I transitioned, the idea of being male was and is repulsive, having a masculine body was repulsive and dysphoric. I still feel dysphoric about certain elements of my physical body.

I know that I am female and I feel that way, but I can't even say what that really means... It doesn't come down to any stereotypes of gender at all.

 

I'm curious to see what other peoples idea of what feeling gender is like to them... that's why I'm making this topic.

 

I hope this topic isn't too poorly written

 I would say to read Carl Jung. Some people are introverted, some are extroverts. It doesn't seem to be anything anyone makes a conscious choice about, it's what your inner being tells you about yourself.

 

Yin and yang. Individuation based upon anima and animus that supplant your unconsciousness, one that exists no matter what mask society makes you wear for its own ends. And gender itself is like inertia-- once give a Push and set in motion, it follows the path set forth by the anima/animus.

 

And to have to wear a mask to cover that up to match a dirty trick nature played upon one is to endure a lifetime of stress where your unconscious can't breathe.

 

I'd be curious to see what you think physical androgyny is and does to a person who is blessed/cursed with it. Even with people like me, I think one or the other is dominant. The guide to one's best destiny and comfort for the soul.

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straightouttamordor

I can't speak on your gender identity, to each his/her own. I know it's a lonely place being marginalized and on the fringes. Asexuals and transgender people aren't exactly the majority. I'm not transgender, I'm very comfortable in being a man. Outdoorsy, blue collar and masculine. However,  I'm not over the top confident or arrogant, tend to be introspective and slightly introverted. I don't connect my being a man to sexual prowess. A relationship should be more eglatarian,  with each sharing power and making compromises without diluting the essence of their being. So masculine dominance seems kinda of counter intuitive in a happy relationship. If I really have to be heavy handed and dominant towards my partner to lead the relationship into a blissful state, do I even want that relationship ?

And sexually, not really caring much about sex makes many people put your manhood on trial. But I know who and what I am and what I believe and why. It's a lonely way being an Ace. Much like it is for you being transgender. 

I contend that Aces are mentally tough,  tougher than sexual population. Because their entire personhood is built around their sexual market value and attraction. Ours is much deeper and profound. Glad I'm different. Hope you are too.

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1 hour ago, prib23 said:

I contend that Aces are mentally tough,  tougher than sexual population. Because their entire personhood is built around their sexual market value and attraction. Ours is much deeper and profound. Glad I'm different. Hope you are too.

Asexual elitism, what's that?

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straightouttamordor

Not elitism. Reality. 

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47 minutes ago, prib23 said:

Not elitism. Reality. 

Nope, definitely elitism.

 @Heart

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straightouttamordor

So now self confidence and being comfortable with your asexuality is being reduced to " Elitism" ? Whatever. See it how you want to.

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Delete account please

Interesting question. I guess I have often thought about this, as I've developed my careers in typically male-dominated professions.

 

I'm at the point now that I get mistaken for a male sometimes at work or if I'm still in my construction clothes.

For ex. I get a "Hey buddy, can you tell me....oops, (as soon as they look at my face) I thought you were a dude" and in public right after work, if I'm still in my workgear, if a woman doesn't make eye contact with me and we're both at the store door at the same time, she stops and waits for me to open it for her, lol.

So I usually do.

Then they'll look over at me to thank me and do a doubletake when they see I'm a woman. So funny!!!

 

So these are just two examples of feeling like one gender while existing as another. This type of comparison is one of the only ways I can explain what it "means to feel gender" as you put it in your question Mystic Maya. 

Let me deliberate further on this question.

I'm also tempted to describe menstruation and the wildly fluctuating hormonal changes day-to-day as a woman, but I'd rather do that by PM or in person as they are really private topics😆

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2 minutes ago, prib23 said:

So now self confidence and being comfortable with your asexuality is being reduced to " Elitism" ? Whatever. See it how you want to.

There's a difference between self confidence and comfort in yourself, and saying "asexuals have a much deeper and profound existence than those icky sexuals". AVEN is not the place for such drivel.

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7 minutes ago, Simowl said:

Come on @ChillaKilla... AVEN's the perfect place for that stuff and you know it.

Yeah, maybe in 2009 with that big influx of elitists :P 

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1 hour ago, Simowl said:

Asexual elitism, what's that?

Well, I have to agree we happen to think more before acting, sexual people act based on their sexual stimulus before other forms of attraction.

we happen to value more other kinds of attraction like romantic, platonic, aesthetic, alterous, sensual, etc. So for us, sexual attraction never comes first and so we don't feel strong sexual stimulus.

Sexual people can end up in awkward situations bc of their sexual stimulus, well, we are free from it.

 

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I believe gender is more like "trying to fit", everybody has personal reasons to fit around people of a gender bc euphoria  aka happiness.

 

I still have a hard time to distinguish me  from being  agender or androgyne.

When I talk about it, I don't really care much for stereotypes or gender, but my ideal body is androgynous, otherwise I'm dysphoric, in the end I'm androgyne bc I care about being perceived by other as bigender or gender ambiguous.

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straightouttamordor

Never meant for my post to be proactive or convey elitism. I know sexual people build themselves around all sorts of other things besides their sexuality. I won't post on this site anymore. 

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Arvid of Rivendell

When I first started questioning my gender, I asked a close friend how she knows she's a woman. She told me something along the lines of "identifying as a woman feels right and empowers me." I couldn't relate to that - because I'm afab and society perceives me as a woman, I can relate to the struggles of many women, and I LOVE reading about and seeing empowered women, but I personally felt no innate connection to the female gender. I knew I wasn't a trans man because I felt no innate connection to the male gender either.

As I questioned my gender, I was looking for something that was innate, that felt right and empowered me. Right now, agender and non-binary feel right. Especially in the case of agender, I feel empowered by these identities, like I can be and do anything. That's what gender "feels" like for me. Although, in all honesty, gender is such a personal and subjective thing that trying to explain how I experience it doesn't always work very well.

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40 minutes ago, Jay of Rivendell said:

When I first started questioning my gender, I asked a close friend how she knows she's a woman. She told me something along the lines of "identifying as a woman feels right and empowers me." I couldn't relate to that - because I'm afab and society perceives me as a woman, I can relate to the struggles of many women, and I LOVE reading about and seeing empowered women, but I personally felt no innate connection to the female gender. I knew I wasn't a trans man because I felt no innate connection to the male gender either.

As I questioned my gender, I was looking for something that was innate, that felt right and empowered me. Right now, agender and non-binary feel right. Especially in the case of agender, I feel empowered by these identities, like I can be and do anything. That's what gender "feels" like for me. Although, in all honesty, gender is such a personal and subjective thing that trying to explain how I experience it doesn't always work very well.

I don't feel empowered by being female, it's just what I am.

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5 minutes ago, Mystic Maya said:

I don't feel empowered by being female, it's just what I am.

You like to be viewed as a girl don't you?

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Just now, Mystic Maya said:

Yes

Then you have a gender, you're a girl.

 

 

 

Agender people actually don't care for how they're perceived (there's no exactly  description of what an agender person looks like, they're either perceived as man, woman, androgyne, neutrois, genderflux or genderfluid, everything but what they are, agender), bc none of them has a specific gender box to follow. They're fine as long as people accept them as agender.

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Just now, AVEN #1 fan said:

Agender people actually don't care for how they're perceived (there's no exactly  description of what an agender person looks like, they're either perceived as man, woman, androgyne, neutrois, genderflux or genderfluid, everything but what they are, agender), bc none of them has a specific gender box to follow. They're fine as long as people accept them as agender.

I wouldn't exactly say that's true. Maybe some, but not all, for sure. Oh wait, I'm always pedantic about some, but not all. Carry on.

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1 minute ago, Reptillian said:

I wouldn't exactly say that's true. Maybe some, but not all, for sure. Oh wait, I'm always pedantic about some, but not all. Carry on.

Well some do, but they can't blame anyone, there's no way to distinguish gendered people from agendered people, unless the person say they're agender.

Agender people will always be misgendered.

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

Agender people actually don't care for how they're perceived (there's no exactly  description of what an agender person looks like, they're either perceived as man, woman, androgyne, neutrois, genderflux or genderfluid, everything but what they are, agender), bc none of them has a specific gender box to follow. They're fine as long as people accept them as agender.

I care how I'm perceived; if I hadn't shut down my emotions about it I'd probably have jumped in front of a train by now.

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2 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I care how I'm perceived; if I hadn't shut down my emotions about it I'd probably have jumped in front of a train by now.

I didn't meant to offend anyone but look, agender people don't have restrictions to how they behave and that can confuse other persons who don't know them.

Simple example: tell me, if a very feminine looking person compliment you, you'll perceive them as a girl until they came out as agender.

There's no way to distinguish gendered people from agendered people simply by how one behaves. Not even agenders themselves instantly recognize each other in the streets.

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2 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

I didn't meant to offend anyone but look, agender people don't have restrictions to how they behave and that can confuse other persons who don't know them.

Neither does males, females, and so on. You could really make the case that males and females actually are very similar to each other citing the largest study on behavioral differences between males and females. I'm a guy, and I couldn't give a shit of whether my actions or behaviors are of those of a woman, and frankly they are to a stereotype of a woman to a extent.

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Arvid of Rivendell

@Mystic Maya I just am non-binary/agender, just like you are just female. I was just attempting to articulate what that "feels" like, which (like I mentioned) is very subjective and hard to put into words. The whole "empowered" thing was just one person's experience, and just how my current gender identity "feels". That's all. 

 

Have a lovely day. :) 

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5 minutes ago, Reptillian said:

Neither does males, females, and so on. You could really make the case that males and females actually are very similar to each other citing the largest study on behavioral differences between males and females. I'm a guy, and I couldn't give a shit of whether my actions or behaviors are of those of a woman, and frankly they are to a stereotype of a woman to a extent.

I guess you don't get it, if one wants to be perceived as a girl and identifies as such they must be the least feminine possible at least. A girl who is presented as androgynous or as hyper masculine can be perceived as other genders for example, bc these are the images of genders that people have.

 

Now talking about agender people, they can't "look" agender at any degree. They will always be perceived as gendered until they confirm they're not. So it doesn't matter how they behave.

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4 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

I guess you don't get it, if one wants to be perceived as a girl and identifies as such they must be the least feminine possible at least. A girl who is presented as androgynous or as hyper masculine can be perceived as other genders for example, bc these are the images of genders that people have.

 

Now talking about agender people, they can't "look" agender at any degree. They will always be perceived as gendered until they confirm they're not. So it doesn't matter how they behave.

Uh, no. It's more accurate to say that if one wants to be perceived as a girl, they must look more like a phenological female or something like that. Honestly, from my experience, people really never use behaviors of others to assign a pronoun of others, and they more likely to use how their bodies look like to assign pronouns to them. 

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