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SpoopyWorld

Demisexuality is an orientation—not a condition of ‘being picky’

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Member44496   
Member44496
6 hours ago, CBC said:

But you surely understand what they're getting at.

 

A synonym for the word 'orientation' is 'direction'. Sexual orientation describes the direction (gender) towards whom a person's sexual interest is felt. Who. Not how, when or why. Who. Think of the word 'orienteering', like the thing you do with a compass. A compass points at directions... that's the reason behind the use of the word 'orientation' in this way. Sexual orientation is like a compass that indicates attraction/desire. That's the whole point of the phrase. 

sexual and romantic orientation aren't that simple

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
4 hours ago, Mystic Maya said:

sexual and romantic orientation aren't that simple

Sexual orientation: which gender/s you desire partnered sex with.

 

Romantic orientation: which gender/s you develop romantic feelings for/desire a romantic bond with.

 

Sexual and romantic orientations explain the direction of your sexual and romantic desire.

 

It's pretty much that simple.

 

 

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Member44496   
Member44496
1 minute ago, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

Sexual orientation: which gender/s you desire partnered sex with.

 

Romantic orientation: which gender/s you develop romantic feelings for/desire a romantic bond with.

 

Sexual and romantic orientations explain the direction of your sexual and romantic desire.

 

It's pretty much that simple.

 

 

Then demisexual is "desires no partnered sex with some exceptions which might develop after a close relationship"?

What if the gender isn't relevant in that situation? It's not that simple... and gender isn't that simple either.

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
3 hours ago, Mystic Maya said:

Then demisexual is "desires no partnered sex with some exceptions which might develop after a close relationship"?

What if the gender isn't relevant in that situation? It's not that simple... and gender isn't that simple either.

If the demisexual doesn't feel gender is relevant that would be pan; able to develop sexual attraction to/desire partnered sex with people regardless of gender, but only under certain specific circumstances. Same goes for romantic orientation. The "demi" is their sexual behaviour, not their orientation.

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Member44496   
Member44496
2 minutes ago, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

If the demisexual doesn't feel gender is relevant that would be pan; able to develop sexual attraction to/desire partnered sex with people regardless of gender, but only under certain specific circumstances. Same goes for romantic orientation. The "demi" is their sexual behaviour, not their orientation.

But what if they don't even know? Requiring a close connection limits the amount of opportunities there are to experience things, significantly.

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
3 hours ago, Mystic Maya said:

But what if they don't even know? Requiring a close connection limits the amount of opportunities there are to experience things, significantly.

Then you wait until you do know? Discovering your orientation etc is an exploration for most young people, many aren't certain until their early 20's at the earliest once they've had some life experience and had time to mature. Growing up is an exploration process, it's only recently that this obsession with labelling yourself at 13 has come about T_T

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Member44496   
Member44496
Just now, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

Then you wait until you do know? Discovering your orientation etc is an exploration for most young people, many aren't certain until their early 20's at the earliest once they've had some life experience and had time to mature. Growing up is an exploration process, it's only recently that this obsession with labelling yourself at 13 has come about T_T

I'm 23 and I can't even be certain of my "orientation"  >_<

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
3 hours ago, Mystic Maya said:

I'm 23 and I can't even be certain of my "orientation"  >_<

And I'm 28 yet my orientation doesn't fit neatly in any one box. What we are saying is 'simple' is the meaning of the word 'orientation'. What it means  is very simple. Orientation is the direction of your romantic and/or sexual desire. Not everyone fits perfectly in a box though (which is absolutely fine) and some take a lot longer to work out exactly what their orientation is (which is also fine). 

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CBC   
CBC
4 hours ago, Mystic Maya said:

sexual and romantic orientation aren't that simple

I give up then. Believe what you want. Doesn't make you correct.

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WhenSummersGone   
WhenSummersGone

Didn't realize there would be a discussion in this topic so I'm a little late.

 

Just want to say that I only consider Demisexuality a sexual orientation because there is no sexuality to start off with, unlike most people who know they will want sex or already do want sex, BUT it's only an orientation if you add Hetero/Homo/Bi/Pan/Whatever.

 

Also I like the idea that Demisexuality is neither asexual or sexual and falls in the gray area.

 

I also think there is still some confusion in this topic. Demisexuality is not the same as only having it for emotional pleasure, it's only experiencing sexual desire after an emotional connection (of course it will be emotional pleasure for both but Demisexuals need that connection first). The former will relate more to the sexual community compared to Demisexuals who can relate more to asexuals, which is the reason I joined. If I just thought having sex while in a relationship was better I never would have joined this site.

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Sally   
Sally

Demisexuality is still sexual.  The only variance is when and under what conditions (emotional closeness) the demisexual experiences wanting to have sex with another person.

 

As has been said in another thread, this thread, and seemingly hundreds of threads, orientation is who you want to have sex with, not when.   Asexuals don't want to have sex with anyone.  

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Just like Jughead   
Just like Jughead
1 hour ago, Sally said:

Demisexuality is still sexual.  The only variance is when and under what conditions (emotional closeness) the demisexual experiences wanting to have sex with another person.

 

As has been said in another thread, this thread, and seemingly hundreds of threads, orientation is who you want to have sex with, not when.   Asexuals don't want to have sex with anyone.  

Orientation is way more complex than just who you want to have sex with. 

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Guest 222   
Guest 222

I'm glad that world watch is now the new hot box. Can we make T&S the new PPS?

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JAKQ7111   
JAKQ7111
17 hours ago, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

And I'm 28 yet my orientation doesn't fit neatly in any one box. What we are saying is 'simple' is the meaning of the word 'orientation'. What it means  is very simple. Orientation is the direction of your romantic and/or sexual desire. Not everyone fits perfectly in a box though (which is absolutely fine) and some take a lot longer to work out exactly what their orientation is (which is also fine). 

Why bother with the "simple" boxes if next to nobody fits into them in the first place?  Sexuality is (or rather, can be) a very fluid, confusing thing, whether you're asexual or otherwise.

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Sally   
Sally
7 hours ago, Just like Jughead said:

Orientation is way more complex than just who you want to have sex with. 

That's your opinion.  My opinion is that it is not more complex, and that all the other stuff is preference, not orientation.   

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CBC   
CBC

This thread makes me weep internally. Such a simple concept, and yet...

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
5 hours ago, JAKQ7111 said:

Why bother with the "simple" boxes if next to nobody fits into them in the first place?  Sexuality is (or rather, can be) a very fluid, confusing thing, whether you're asexual or otherwise.

By that I meant I have identified as asexual for 4 years now since I first learned there was a term for it, and have "been" asexual ever since I started having sex and realised I have no desire for it or enjoyment of it back when I was like 17. However now (at 28) I've realised I actually maybe can desire some forms of sex maybe if the other person doesn't care if we have sex or not, and the only requirement is being in love with that person, not gender. So I'm currently in an "in between" phase of maybe I was never asexual, I was always sexual and just never in the right circumstances to explore or understand that (and also no real interest in exploring it, I actually don't care if I never have sex again and have been very happily celibate for 6 years now). That's what I meant by I'm actually not in a box right now, and I'll probably be happy just to identify as "box not applicable" from now on unless I actually meet my partner and work out whether or not I can actually enjoy some forms of sex.

 

And yes most people do fit in the "simple" boxes . Do you want sex, or do you have no desire to have sex, ever? Who do you desire sex with, men or women? Doesn't matter? All these answers slot you into simple orientation boxes.

 

Sexual orientation: the direction of your sexual desire. That's it. That's sexual orientation. Working out what that is for yourself personally can be complicated for some people and can take a lot of exploration but that doesn't make sexual orientation itself a complicated concept.

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Sally   
Sally
1 hour ago, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

 

 

Sexual orientation: the direction of your sexual desire. That's it. That's sexual orientation. Working out what that is for yourself personally can be complicated for some people and take a lot of exploration but that doesn't make sexual orientation itself a complicated concept.

Yes.   

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WhenSummersGone   
WhenSummersGone
15 hours ago, Sally said:

Demisexuality is still sexual.  The only variance is when and under what conditions (emotional closeness) the demisexual experiences wanting to have sex with another person.

 

As has been said in another thread, this thread, and seemingly hundreds of threads, orientation is who you want to have sex with, not when.   Asexuals don't want to have sex with anyone.  

I see no problem with them (Demisexuals) being gray like the triangle at the top of this forum shows. Also that's why I said Demisexuals should add the who to their orientation.

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Member44496   
Member44496
7 hours ago, CBC said:

This thread makes me weep internally. Such a simple concept, and yet...

 同感

It's so full of members trying to loudly enforce their ideas of what isn't an orientation.

So typical.

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Homer   
Homer

Label question.

 

Why is it so important to you folks to see demisexuality accepted as an orientation rather than a behavioural pattern? Does that make any practical difference? I have yet to see someone deny that desiring sex with someone only after a strong bond has formed "is a thing", so your set of feelings isn't ridiculed or suppressed, at least not as far as I can see.

 

Is there something about it that I have missed so far? Halp...

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Member44496   
Member44496
29 minutes ago, Homer S. said:

Label question.

 

Why is it so important to you folks to see demisexuality accepted as an orientation rather than a behavioural pattern? Does that make any practical difference? I have yet to see someone deny that desiring sex with someone only after a strong bond has formed "is a thing", so your set of feelings isn't ridiculed or suppressed, at least not as far as I can see.

 

Is there something about it that I have missed so far? Halp...

I'd guess that labeling themselves as something else, like, homosexual for example, wouldn't feel right when they generally don't feel sexual attraction to anyone, of any gender.

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=NolePtr   
=NolePtr

Hate to be that guy, but.... Asexuality is a spectrum; ~99% of the people out there are demisexual... not everyone is a nymphomaniac or 100% ace... people don't feel sexual attraction always (usually). Just how there are ~1% asexuals out there, I think that there is about the same of nymphomaniacs out there....

 

This is one thing that I think that because most people on AVEN are asexual that I think we don't fully understand the general population, and tend to have a myopic view.

 

And the people who identify as dimisexual ARE more asexual than most people. I'm not discrediting here. I just think the term is a little misleading because asexuality is a spectrum... If we really want to get anywhere visibility-wise, we will need to revamp our vocabulary because it is indeed confusing, and it keeps the us/them divide running.

 

I am aware the term nymphomaniac can be considered offensive, but I have no idea what else to call it. Just going off of pop culture here :P

I'm probably going to start a new discussion thread about this later. It's just one of those things that needs to be put out there.

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WhenSummersGone   
WhenSummersGone
1 hour ago, Homer S. said:

Label question.

 

Why is it so important to you folks to see demisexuality accepted as an orientation rather than a behavioural pattern? Does that make any practical difference? I have yet to see someone deny that desiring sex with someone only after a strong bond has formed "is a thing", so your set of feelings isn't ridiculed or suppressed, at least not as far as I can see.

 

Is there something about it that I have missed so far? Halp...

I fight a bit on this site over Demisexuality because I could not relate to normal sexual desire/sexuality growing up, and I think others in the gray area have similar experiences. It really is Asexuality up to a point where you form an emotional bond and realize you are Demisexual and can only experience sexual desire/sexuality in that situation to one person. If most people were like this casual sex wouldn't exist, at all, and I don't mean a preference to only have it in a relationship. If I was normal I could watch sex scenes and imagine myself having it, but I can't, and it would only be with the person I am already involved with. Weeks or months, not days or just when you feel you know someone. It's not a choice.

 

So I don't see my sexuality being any different from asexuals on this site naturally. That's why I feel it can be it's own orientation without having to say an asexual who enjoys sex or sexual. It's important for others to know that Demisexuality means there's going to be a period where sex isn't even a consideration. So I'll continue to have it as my orientation with the gender preference added.

 

Added: I'm not saying this topic was about Demisexuality not being a thing but I don't see why people can't use it as an orientation. I'm also not saying it's rare, I know some people do experience this, but if you don't relate to most sexual things growing up you would question what you are.

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Togee   
Togee
23 hours ago, Homer S. said:

Label question.

 

Why is it so important to you folks to see demisexuality accepted as an orientation rather than a behavioural pattern? Does that make any practical difference? I have yet to see someone deny that desiring sex with someone only after a strong bond has formed "is a thing", so your set of feelings isn't ridiculed or suppressed, at least not as far as I can see.

 

Is there something about it that I have missed so far? Halp...

Yeah, I'm not sure if I am ace, I might be demi, I might even be sexual. But one thing: I do not care. If I was demi, AVEN would be an important site for me even if I wasn't ace. Because if I was demi, HOW my sexuality works makes me closer to asexuals than many sexuals, so AVEN is also for demis. Also asexuality is just a word which has a definition. It depends on the definition which society decides, if we're "asexual"

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m4rble   
m4rble
23 hours ago, Homer S. said:

Label question.

 

Why is it so important to you folks to see demisexuality accepted as an orientation rather than a behavioural pattern? Does that make any practical difference? I have yet to see someone deny that desiring sex with someone only after a strong bond has formed "is a thing", so your set of feelings isn't ridiculed or suppressed, at least not as far as I can see.

 

Is there something about it that I have missed so far? Halp...

Orientation is the only way some people have of recognizing or conceptualizing innate differences in sexual desires. 

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omgsospooky   
omgsospooky

Since this has moved very far away from the OP, I will move it to the Gray Area.

 

scarletlatitude

World Watch mod

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