spacedino Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I'm recently realising I'm probably spending the majority of my life being touch starved. I remember once when I was in high school a friend and I were sitting on the couch and she stretched her legs out so her feet were pressed against my thigh and that touch gave me such intense relief from something I didn't know was bothering me? i find myself constantly trying to touch my friends, like hold their hands or give them back rubs, but it's like it doesn't help when they don't touch me back? Like I need someone to reach out for me to ever feel real relief. I don't know what to do it's like my skin is hurting all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Daydreaming Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Do you think you could have a very strong sensual desire? Link to post Share on other sites
spacedino Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 I'm not sure what precisely that entails, but it sure sounds like me. Do you mind explaining it a little? Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I'm not exactly touch averse or touch starved, but getting a hair cut seems to be the right combination for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Juno_L Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I've gone swing dancing a few times. That's nice because there is physical contact, but no weird implications. I would recommend it! Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I know a few people who get [legit] massages every once in a while to satisfy their need for touch. I found it helps a little, but it depends on your comfort level. Link to post Share on other sites
spacedino Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Massages are insanely helpful, it's just really expensive where I live... you can't get one for less than about 40 dollars and that adds up... Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Same problem here. I tend to be very huggy (and stuff) once I got to like you. That's pretty unhelpful when you get to see some of your folks rather seldomly. I get extra touchy then because who knows when the next chance might occur? which in turn might put people off. Which, in another turn, sucks. You have to be careful not to get "keyed up" too much, but I sure know it's very very hard. I tend to carry this to our cats when I get home. They don't seem to mind and it works pretty well. Massages wouldn't do the trick for me because the emotional component is much more important than the actual touch, and a professional massage is just about getting your meat and bones rearranged Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Some cultures are more touchy feely than others. Locate a group of people who casually touch each other a lot and befriend them. You could also take up dancing or wrestling. Link to post Share on other sites
MacAran Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I'm gonna second @Juno_L. I find myself someone who craves physical contact but doesn't often get it (and sometimes doesn't take advantage of opportunities that I could because of implications). I recently got back into swing dancing, and that's helped a fair bit. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 @Homer S. Yeah, professional massages only help me a little because there's no emotion. The massage part is nice because my neck and back are always hurting. .... For a split second I thought "I could be a professional cuddler. That sounds easy." No. It would make me feel terrible. That's how I bond and I can't compartmentalize like that. Dancing sounds good. I might look into that myself. Link to post Share on other sites
sir octepus tea Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 yea being touch-starved sucks, I´ve also gone years like that myself. I´ve heard that on some lush stores, employees are expected to be very hands on, so I think if you have the money you could ask one of the employees to do a demo of a face mask or hand cream on you. I´ve heard they appreciate that since it gets their bosses of their backs for a while and you get a little less touch-starved. also if you´re going to a con, there might be a stand where you can a free temporary tattoo, and if they have staff applying the tattoos on you it might help. Link to post Share on other sites
Private Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 23 hours ago, spacedino said: I'm recently realising I'm probably spending the majority of my life being touch starved. I remember once when I was in high school a friend and I were sitting on the couch and she stretched her legs out so her feet were pressed against my thigh and that touch gave me such intense relief from something I didn't know was bothering me? i find myself constantly trying to touch my friends, like hold their hands or give them back rubs, but it's like it doesn't help when they don't touch me back? Like I need someone to reach out for me to ever feel real relief. I don't know what to do it's like my skin is hurting all the time. Spacedino: A dog or a cat may help the touch issue. I find cuddling a pet very satisfying. Also, maybe you can volunteer at a children's hospital. I do that, and I find the kids are always hugging me. Some of them are glued to me like velcro when I sit with them to read to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I concur with the tactile pet option, although you have to be prepared for eventual bereavement Link to post Share on other sites
spacedino Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 I've had pets my whole life but I'm not allowed to have one where I live now unfortunately. First chance I get, I'm buying a dog. I have a horse but they're not he cuddliest of species and really it's when the other party reaches out for me that I really feel relief. Dogs are great that way, most of the time they're cuddly. I opened up to a friend and she massaged my hands for like a half hour that helped so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Florenna Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 And I thought not desiring touch was asexual...? (Please don't get offended anyone, I'm new to this!) As being "touch-starved" is what men often say on dating sites, either directly or indirectly, and I just felt like there must be something wrong with me, as I really don't feel that need at all, on the contrary (until I found out about asexuality). Actually, I'm often repulsed by it... The only ones I like to touch, cuddle with etc. are my kids, especially the younger one, and that's very obviously, definitely in an asexual way. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 You could join a cuddle group/ go to a cuddle party? 1 hour ago, Florenna said: And I thought not desiring touch was asexual...? (Please don't get offended anyone, I'm new to this!) As being "touch-starved" is what men often say on dating sites, either directly or indirectly, and I just felt like there must be something wrong with me, as I really don't feel that need at all, on the contrary (until I found out about asexuality). Actually, I'm often repulsed by it... The only ones I like to touch, cuddle with etc. are my kids, especially the younger one, and that's very obviously, definitely in an asexual way. Asexuality is just about sex, there are lots of non sexual types of touch Massages, hugging, holding hands, cuddling in front of the tv, playing footsie, these are all types of touch that can be completely platonic, they are just largely considered romantic/sexual because in western culture they generally only take place within those types of relationships. It's why so many people are touch starved. Of course, not all asexual people desire touch. Some don't need or like touch, myself included. Link to post Share on other sites
Florenna Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 37 minutes ago, ohdearIzzy said: Asexuality is just about sex, there are lots of non sexual types of touch Massages, hugging, holding hands, cuddling in front of the tv, playing footsie, these are all types of touch that can be completely platonic, they are just largely considered romantic/sexual because in western culture they generally only take place within those types of relationships. It's why so many people are touch starved. Of course, not all asexual people desire touch. Some don't need or like touch, myself included. Thanks for clarification Yeah, I kind of realized myself after writing that, that I do myself like several forms of asexual touch - but (at least for now) only with my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
spacedino Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Yeah it's kind of hard to deal with since I am kind of sex repulsed, so I can only enjoy being close to someone when I know there is no risk of any sexual advances or even any sexual thoughts. But I need to be hugged and touched and loved. I'm a very physical person that way, always clapping people on the shoulder and huffing them and playing with their hair. It's how I show affection! Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'd only appreciate being touched or hugged by someone if they happen to be my love interest. I didn't enjoy being hugged and touched by my family members when I was a kid, most especially letting my mother hold my hand when we were out somewhere, walking around... though that also had to do with my having a very good sense of direction while my mother did not, even when I was little. Cats are great, the only animal I can think of with softer fur is probably a chinchilla... getting approached and touched by a cat is something I never had a problem with. Dogs not so much, they're too hyper and rambunctious for me. But back to the love interest thing... that's why I've always found butt-length hair so attractive on women. I've always longed for a life partner who'd let her hair grow long and loves to have it caressed while she's being hugged... better than a cat anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 1 hour ago, Woodworker1968 said: Cats are great, the only animal I can think of with softer fur is probably a chinchilla... getting approached and touched by a cat is something I never had a problem with. Dogs not so much, they're too hyper and rambunctious for me. Getting too much touch is against the instincts of a dog. If you hug a dog, they feel like cornered. But I agree with cats. Get a chill one to cuddle with, worked for me. 18 hours ago, Florenna said: As being "touch-starved" is what men often say on dating sites, either directly or indirectly, and I just felt like there must be something wrong with me, as I really don't feel that need at all, on the contrary (until I found out about asexuality). Actually, I'm often repulsed by it... The only ones I like to touch, cuddle with etc. are my kids, especially the younger one, and that's very obviously, definitely in an asexual way. If you don't get touched for too long you get used to it and won't feel like you are missing it. However that doesn't mean you are not missing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Florenna Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 15 minutes ago, Fox6 said: If you don't get touched for too long you get used to it and won't feel like you are missing it. However that doesn't mean you are not missing it. Ehh? If you don't feel like you miss something, then you don't miss it, full stop. It's like saying asexuals do miss sex, even though they don't feel like they miss it... But slightly tongue-in-cheek, I can truly recommend having kids for anyone touch-starved, you'll never be touch-starved after that! (Or not until your kids reach adulthood, at least...) Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 1 hour ago, Florenna said: Ehh? If you don't feel like you miss something, then you don't miss it, full stop. It's like saying asexuals do miss sex, even though they don't feel like they miss it... That analogy doesn't work. Physical contact releases Oxytocin, the "happiness hormone". And unlike sex, you can't replace it with a solo activity. Note: The exchange of body fluids during sex improves the immune system, but that's not something that you feel like you are missing. Also the risk of STDs may outweigh the benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 On 1/4/2017 at 11:48 PM, Homer S. said: Same problem here. I tend to be very huggy (and stuff) once I got to like you. That's pretty unhelpful when you get to see some of your folks rather seldomly. I get extra touchy then because who knows when the next chance might occur? which in turn might put people off. Which, in another turn, sucks. YES YES YES! From about the age of thirteen I had basically decided that I want to live life alone and get some cats as opposed to a significant other. But, in the past year or so, I've developed a whole new closeness to certain friends, not wanting to be away from them, being overly touchy and huggy, and have pretty much developed a clinginess that I don't really know whether people think is good or a bit excessive. My best friend and I occasionally cuddle and I just feel so ecstatic and comforted when we do, but I also know that the longer we casually cuddle, the weirder things will get (she has a boyfriend and knows about my asexuality). I feel the same about hugging both (or any!) genders, just I have a couple of female friends with not too many physical boundaries, and a few male friends who don't even like me leaning on them. However, if you're my friend, I will pretty much let you do what you want to me (within reason ) It's not really the same with pets, as I frequently cuddle my cat, but never get the emotional satisfaction of being so close to another person. Does anyone else feel the need to hug or cuddle to gain platonic emotional relief? Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 2 hours ago, nealthesmol said: Does anyone else feel the need to hug or cuddle to gain platonic emotional relief? It's my way of expressing feelings without having to actually say something. I'm utter rubbish at organizing my thoughts "live", so I'll just end up getting tangled in words and semi-useful, only "halfway cooked" sentences. And I want my folks to know what they mean to me. It's kind of a relief, but it's not unspecific (unspecific as in ex: I'm hungry, so I decide to eat something. Result: Relief because starving is delayed for a while). It's my way of telling someone "You're important, right here and right now." and yes, it's hard if you don't get the opportunity to show your appreciation every once in a while. I imagine the mechanics behind that to be kind of similar to sexual people in a mixed relationship, even though I don't have any evidence to back this up. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunflowerfield Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 I can definitely relate to having intense feelings of touch hunger! I think it's very common and normal. Thankfully I found a platonic cuddle buddy, so I don't struggle nearly as much as I used to. My cuddle buddy found me on the Cuddle Buddies Reddit page. You could also try the website Cuddle Comfort. Another option is looking for a local "cuddle party" or even a professional cuddler - though that's pretty expensive. I know it's not the same, but sending you virtual hugs! I hope you find a way to get some comforting touch in your life soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Vicky Angel Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I think I might be touch starved. I'm not comfortable with massages and such. What are some methods that people have used to help? Link to post Share on other sites
Assemble Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Just now, Vicky Angel said: I think I might be touch starved. I'm not comfortable with massages and such. What are some methods that people have used to help? I...forgot. 💖 Link to post Share on other sites
ElijahH Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 On 09/01/2017 at 3:45 AM, spacedino said: Yeah it's kind of hard to deal with since I am kind of sex repulsed, so I can only enjoy being close to someone when I know there is no risk of any sexual advances or even any sexual thoughts. But I need to be hugged and touched and loved. I'm a very physical person that way, always clapping people on the shoulder and huffing them and playing with their hair. It's how I show affection! I get that! I can get really touch-starved and I would love it if people who I trusted not to make it a sexual thing would touch me too. But its a boundaries thing with a lot of people, and I've problems with people not seeing it as a platonic thing. And I have problems with people I don't trust trying to touch me, which really skeeves me out. Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 aww, I was about to mention pets, but apparently they're not an option I think I also get touch-starved sometimes, but then I just pet my 2 cats like it's no-one's business (okay, that sounded weird, but I cuddle them for a long time) Link to post Share on other sites
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