Stheg Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 24 minutes ago, knittinghistorian said: I am also from a very conservative area, but I haven’t encountered asexuality as a SIN. Only as odd or maybe defective. Where does the justification for calling it actually sinful come from? Just curious, not trying to be snarky or disbelieve you or anything. Justification comes from the assumed fact that we're all here on earth to get married and have as many kids as possible. There is no socially acceptable reason to either remain single or get married and not have as many children as is physically possible. Being anything on the lgtbqia spectrum means you're going to burn in hell. Hence why me and my partner are firmly in the closet. Link to post Share on other sites
knittinghistorian Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 13 hours ago, Stheg said: Justification comes from the assumed fact that we're all here on earth to get married and have as many kids as possible. There is no socially acceptable reason to either remain single or get married and not have as many children as is physically possible. Being anything on the lgtbqia spectrum means you're going to burn in hell. Hence why me and my partner are firmly in the closet. I see, I know there are groups that make large numbers of children a requisite. I've never understood it, but I know such groups exist. I'm so sorry! Pressure like that is awful. Link to post Share on other sites
Divide By Zero Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I don't go around advertising my sexual orientation but if I'm asked I say I'm asexual. Most people don't know what that is and have trouble understanding it so I leave out the romantic orientation to keep things simple. I've only had one or two people actually ask me about my sexual orientation. Instead, people usually hint at it and after a few questions like "Are you married?", "Do you have a girlfriend?", "What dating sites do you use?", "What kind of girls do you like?", etc. I'll tell the person I'm asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatHuman Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I just drop both bombs - explain if they have that face... Wait for a day if they didn't say anything, and explain it then to make sure they know what it is... I'd rather they abandon me sooner then later - and to not experience that awkward moment of when someone crushes on you... Because - I just can't return the feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I've never been asked, though I have told close friends and family Link to post Share on other sites
Sylvastor Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 The fact I'm asexual is more or less my own business, so I'm not telling strangers anything at all. If I'm asked, I will usually simply state my romantic orientation, hetero. Saves me the hassle to explain myself. If I feel like it's time I come out to someone because I trust them, I will, but until that point, I just don't see why anyone should care about my orientation. Besides, pretty much anyone close to me knows already. Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Someone LGBT+ or that I know will accept me: biromantic ace Friends that I don't trust with keeping secrets, or homophobic friends: heteroromantic ace Immediate family: heteroromantic ace Extended family and anyone else: heterosexual Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 Either I'll say something silly like a pinksexual or I'll flat out tell them it's not their business. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 The very fact I am asexual is no one's business but my own. I wouldn't tell them anything unless I know for a fact that they'll be okay with it. If someone asks, I'll just tell them it's not their business. Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 No one's ever directly asked me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotta_Biscotti Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 It depends on who's asking and why, since I might not answer them at all. Usually I give them the short of it and just say my orientation is uninterested. I did that even before I really identified as ace. People who press me, without pissing me off, usually get both. I've had a couple people ask. Most people assume I'm straight. Some people assume I'm gay because they've noticed I'm not interested in dudes (despite that they haven't noticed I'm not interested in ladies). And then there have been a couple people who are just like, "...What are you, exactly?" Link to post Share on other sites
Kazka Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Most folks assume Im hetero so dont ask, but anyone that does I tell them I'm asexual, if im in a deep talk I may go more in-depth. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Just today I casually told my cousin that "I'm interested in women, but not sexually". And generally - I usually tend to declare both. When I don't know someone well - for example in a forum, when discussing lifestyle-relevant stuff - I usually just say that I'm asexual, to make it clear than I'm predisposed to a different lifestyle than allosexual people, for example that not having sex is a good thing for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Other: I perform verbal gymnastics and subliminal misdirection to make them forget they actually asked me a question Link to post Share on other sites
Lemonsky Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I wouldn't be exactly keen on discussing my orientation with a person I don't know well since there'd always be the suspicion that they don't have good intentions behind their question. I don't think I'd tell them anything more than "I like friendship". Link to post Share on other sites
E Wildflower Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 I've experimented with a number of labels to describe my sexual and romantic orientation but have yet to find a word for either that I'm confident and satisfied with, so I don't use specific terms to describe them most of the time. If I'm in an LGBTQ+ setting and I'm being asked what makes me queer or why I feel a connection to that community, I'd just say I'm trans and not comment on my sexual or romantic orientation at all. If I'm asked "what is your sexual orientation?" or "what is your sexuality?", I'd say queer (which to me just means not heterosexual or not heteroromantic and I think that kinda goes without saying since there is no 'opposite gender' from nonbinary). If someone asked me "who are you romantically interested in?" or something else to that effect, I'd say that I tend to like more feminine-ish people, but I don't really date. Link to post Share on other sites
Infernales Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Only if I know the person, then I do both. Otherwise it's probably to shrug and continue what I was doing. Link to post Share on other sites
RHD95 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Luckily I've never been explicitely asked, people generally assume I'm straight so I roll with it (not planning to come out anytime soon) Also, since I'm heteroromantic I can give vague answers like "I like girls", which isn't technically false since I do like them in some ways, just not sexually Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 6 hours ago, RHD95 said: Luckily I've never been explicitely asked, people generally assume I'm straight so I roll with it (not planning to come out anytime soon) Also, since I'm heteroromantic I can give vague answers like "I like girls", which isn't technically false since I do like them in some ways, just not sexually I couldn't have said it better. Your thoughts pretty much echo mine. The only difference is that I came out last year to a long time male friend who is annoyingly sexual. My hope is that he figures it out that I'm not interested in hearing about 'it'. Link to post Share on other sites
Mundane Mesh Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Depends on who asks. On 11/20/2017 at 2:23 AM, Verbosoul said: Other: I perform verbal gymnastics and subliminal misdirection to make them forget they actually asked me a question I can relate so much! Not specifically regarding sexuality, but in general if I get asked a tricky personal question like that when I'm not prepared for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Topi Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 People never ask that, they tend to ask: "So any boyfriend?" if I say no, they go "Then it's a girl, right?" I say no again and they end the conversation with "You just don't care, right?", I smile and the conversation moves on. If they asked... I would say CNone of your business! I don't care about that at all. I'm me and not my orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 8 hours ago, Topi said: People never ask that, they tend to ask: "So any boyfriend?" if I say no, they go "Then it's a girl, right?" I say no again and they end the conversation with "You just don't care, right?", I smile and the conversation moves on. If they asked... I would say CNone of your business! I don't care about that at all. I'm me and not my orientation. "You're homosexual" seems to be the default reaction if you tell someone you don't have a friend of the opposite sex. On the second bold, that is a perfect outlook on things! Link to post Share on other sites
Topi Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 4 minutes ago, will123 said: "You're homosexual" seems to be the default reaction if you tell someone you don't have a friend of the opposite sex. On the second bold, that is a perfect outlook on things! That default doesn't count with people that simply don't want a relationship at the moment. I can be hetero, just not interested into relationships at the moment. Does that make me homo? No! If I never found a person I find worth of pursuing that doesn't make me homo... People are so outdated. The presumption that you can't like to be single is so outdated... People have to open their eyes, really! That last sentence should be my new a/sexuality. Thanks for pointing it out! Link to post Share on other sites
SilentRose Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I just say "I'm straight" even though I'm ace and probably either gray or aromantic. It just feels like the easiest answer seeing that aesthetically, I am attracted to men, and I don't exactly live in the most liberal area. I'd be surprised if they believe in bisexuality, let alone asexuality. As of now I still date and I've only dated men, so unless I have a romantic relationship with a woman or someone really interrogates me on my lack of sexual interest, I don't see any reason to tell anyone other then me and my partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Evil Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I tell them it is none of their business. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 14 hours ago, Evil said: I tell them it is none of their business. Agreed though I might answer openly if it would be close friends or family. Link to post Share on other sites
Mundane Mesh Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 To elaborate on my previous brief answer, I would probably do one of the following: Give a non-answer, joke it away or ignore the question (if the situation allows it aka if the question wasn't given much weight or focus) Say that it's none of their business Shrug, or otherwise express uncertainty (which isn't a lie, I've been questioning to some extent for the past 4 years) Explaining my orientation without using any labels Tell them I'm aro ace Which strategy I'd use would depend on situation and who's asking. I haven't used any of these strategies in practice. The only time someone explicitly asked what my sexuality is I didn't have time to answer before the person who asked told me that he suspected I was asexual, which I confirmed. My parents have only asked that question implicitly by asking if/when I would get a girlfriend (or boyfriend). I've only said that it's not my top priority at the moment (which is true). Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 I think I lead people to just thinking I'm a lesbian here's to non binary erasure but it's not like I can explain to them that I'm genderflux/fluid, use they/them pronouns, hate the name they're using and here's a better one, and that I'm sex repulsed/aro-spec/also bi and attracted more to women/non binary people anyway. The truth is that the language we use to introduce ourselves to those with embedded stereotypes regarding gay, bi, trans and all other LGBT+ people is never going to stop being a way to reduce the enormous complexity and potential of human relationships to something which can be boxed in anyway. So, I'm cool with it-except for the non binary erasure bit. I know I seem like I have way too many labels though-so sue me, I see these things as subject to change and it's nice to describe things like my feelings about relationships in a complicated way. I use them for myself more than others tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
OakTree Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 It really depends on the situation to whether I say my romantic/sexual orientation. I say my sexual orientation more to people as I'm more certain on about my sexuality rather than my romantic orientation, and I'm proud to be ace, so I don't particularly want to hide it. The only reason I rarely say my romantic orientation (apart from my housemates) is because I'm still not sure myself. I started as a romantic ace, then I started to doubt that and labelled myself as demi-romantic for about 6 months, now I'm identifying more as grey-romantic. Sometimes just because I don't want to say "I'm ace/asexual" then go through all the hassle of explaining what that means, I say I'm straight (even though I dislike saying it) Link to post Share on other sites
Anomaly Q3Xr Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 If someone enquires, I state both (asexual and panromantic), and then of necessary explain what they mean. Link to post Share on other sites
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