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Hi! I'm new here


EmmaDC

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Hi! so I'm new here :D I've spent a long time trying to figure out my sexuality and I finally figured it out! At first  I thought I was bi or pan because I feel the same way towards all genders. Buuuut... definitely ace ^_^  I'm not too sure how I feel romantically... I like to cuddle but kissing, holding hands, etc is too much. I don't really like going on dates or anything either. I know a lot of people don't like labels... I can understand where they're coming from because sometimes it feels like none of the labels really... fit. However, I'm so relieved to finally feel like I belong and like I'm part of a community. I casually came out to my best friend the other day... It didn't go so well. I guess I shouldn't have said it at a time that we were joking around. She thought I was joking maybe? She said--- "Haha don't worry, I know you aren't. I've seen the way you look at men on Game of Thrones". (We watch GOT together and I often joke about the sex scenes). It doesn't bother me so much... she is a really open minded person and I know if I seriously talked about it she would probably understand. It makes me more afraid to though because I've already casually came out and she brushed it off. My sister knows though! She's great! Anyways... I'm a total nerd. I'm an undergrad studying Computer Engineering. I also love horses! I've been riding Dressage my entire life (a little eventing as well). Love  anime/manga as well... Talk to me about GOT and supernatural! (but not too much because I'm not up to date) :D So happy! Thanks everyone :cake::cake: 

 

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Hi Emma!  I'm also Emma :D and I also love manga and anime.  Never watched Game of Thrones or Supernatural though.

Welcome to AVEN!  Lots of people here are pretty cool, so I hope you make friends and have a good time.

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Arya and Castiel are my favs. I'm several seasons behind on SPN but all caught up on GOT. It sucks your friend didnt take you seriously, I think you should tell her again.

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for joining and introducing yourself!! : ) I'm glad that you found your way here. You'll meet a lot of friendly and supportive people that can relate to you. Yeah, labels aren't for everyone, but they can be helpful! Just go with what feels right to you. I'm glad your sister was really understanding when you came out! As for your friend, I'm sorry that she brushed it off like that...it can be a common reaction, sadly. That's like when I tried coming out to my mom. I mean, I came out, but it was like she didn't believe me or think it was a thing? But yeah, I know what you mean! I wish you all the best, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

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Thanks guys!! Arya and Castiel are my favorites too Vanillaw!! Yeah I think I will tell her again... I've been running what I'm going to say through my head a billion times and I think I finally have the courage! I think she will ask a lot of questions though which will be hard... It was easy with my sister because she already knew all about it and what I was talking about. Thanks so much for the support! ^_^:cake:

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You got this Emma. Just take it slow and try to be patient, hopefully she will do the same. 

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Awe thanks Vanillaw! I have dubbed you my newbie buddy ^_^ Also, yay for cupcakes!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/3/2017 at 9:27 AM, EmmaDC said:

I like to cuddle but kissing, holding hands, etc is too much. I don't really like going on dates or anything either.

 

"Haha don't worry, I know you aren't. I've seen the way you look at men on Game of Thrones". (We watch GOT together and I often joke about the sex scenes).

Just cuddling isn't a sign of romantic attraction, so you may be aromantic and just desire a queerplatonic relationship, but every romantic is also different, so you could also be romantic and just desire a low-key relationship.

 

Romantic attraction - an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). This is the base requirement, but some people also have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase, blushing, etc. [though those can also be symptoms of platonic nervousness]). Others may react mentally with a dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantic fantasies, etc. And others may feel it light enough (compared to the norm) that there is no clear line between crushes and wanting emotional closeness.

 

It’s also possible to feel queerplatonically about someone. A queerplatonic relationship (or one sided, a 'queerplatonic squish' aka 'queerplatonic crush') is a platonic relationship that has (or is desired to have) an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm and/or displaying platonic physical contact above the norm (so no sex or making out, but chaste kissing can be platonic depending on how it’s done). Some describe it as "super best friends." It’s also known as romantic/passionate friendship, life partner, Boston Marriage, and bromance/womance (latter aka shemance, sismance, and less popular due to clash with other words; hermance). They may or may not have monogamy, live together, sleep in the same room, have kids, or be mistaken for a couple. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs. An example would be Turk and JD from Scrubs. (other examples here)

 

(Some inaccurately include sex and non-platonic physical actions like foreplay under this term; i.e. say that it only means absence in romantic feelings, but those things are factually not platonic by definition so it's a misunderstanding. Every dictionary defines platonic as non-sexual, and a minority include non-romantic. Quasiplatonic; created for those who want to avoid the use of queer in queerplatonic, is also inaccurate because the prefix means the reverse. Aliplatonic has been a suggested alternative. If someone has a relationship that displays queerplatonically but one has romantic feelings and the other doesn't, then it's up to them on whether they call their relationship QP or romantic.)

 

About your friend, some people, no matter how much you assume they'd accept it, just can't understand asexuality or can't see past what they assumed as sexual implications on your part. Thinking men are pretty is not an automatic indicator of sexual desire. Asexuals can also make sex jokes just like any orientation can make jokes about an orientation they aren't, and some can even be perverted; asexuality strictly just means not desiring sex; nothing else; anything else can accompany it.

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Welcome to AVEN Emma

chocolate-avocado-cake.jpg?itok=E2eWE_Dx

The folks here will make you feel right at home.

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