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Finding people attractive


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So, I didn't really know where to put this but I just felt it was kinda important to share.

Recently, I saw a post on Tumblr saying something along the lines of, "if you're a lesbian but still find yourself thinking a guy is attractive, it's probably because you've been brought up on the assumption that you're straight so you will have kind of learned what an "attractive" male is supposed to be, and this doesn't make you any less of a lesbian".

So basically I just wanted to say that this kind of applies to aces/aros as well, because even though we don't actually experience sexual attraction, it's such a common and natural thing around us so we tend to pick up things.

In my experience anyway, I'd kind of say the same things but mean it completely differently, and I'd use certain words and phrases because I thought they were an exaggeration, when other people meant it quite literally. So like, if I said someone was hot, in my opinion it was always just like admiring art or something, rather than actual sexual attraction.

 

Anyway, I don't know if I explained this very well (sorry!) but it doesn't make you less ace/aro IF you still describe people as a sexual person might :)

 

Please correct me if I'm wrong and share your thoughts too ^_^

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I agree to a point, like you though I don't think I comment on how attractive a person is because it's straight habits I've been bought up around. I think you can admire how a person looks but be completely unattracted to them! Plenty of straight women will comment on how friends look, but it doesn't mean that they are attracted to them, just that they can appreciate that they look good. I think it's the same concept. A straight girl admiring another girl is no less straight for doing so, just as an aro/ace is no less aro/ace for admiring how someone looks! Those are my thoughts anyway. :)

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I do the same thing. I use all those typical attraction sayings. Before I realized that I had the wrong definition of sexual attraction, I also thought people were just exaggerating, and even then I thought that physical attraction was just low on my list of priorities compared to the average person. I can recognize what is supposed to be physically attractive, I can experience aesthetic attraction, and I can understand why people would find certain people attractive that I personally do not (much like how I can appreciate that some people find small dogs cuter than big dogs, when big dogs are clearly more adorable in my eyes).

So yeah, I also use terms like hot and sexy. Has less to do with my own personal attraction, more of just a recognition of their ability to be attractive.

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SorryNotSorry

Yeah, with me it's all about the aesthetics, and what I like vs. what I don't like. I have my own ideas about physical beauty... but just as important is whether a woman is nice or mean-spirited, imaginative or dull, smart or not so smart.

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It's funny you mentioned this, because I have been questioning my lesbianism.  I find both men and women attractive, but as you all have pointed out, in your own definition of the term.  I have realized that I am more drawn to women, but have found men to be attractive because of their souls and character.  Since I've learned what demisexual means now, I can see myself falling for a man.  

 

Not sure if this relates completely to what you were stating, but wanted to respond.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yes and no to what you quoted. No, thinking someone is aesthetically attractive is not automatically created by your culture (other attractions aren't created that way either). Though what you find aesthetically pleasing/recognize as what others consider good looks most likely is (attraction and what you find pleasing are two different things; the former hast to have some form of fixation). But this isn't caused by heteronormativity or assuming yourself to be straight because culture installs both in you; what a good looking guy is and what a good looking girl is no matter your own gender. --But yes in that thinking a guy is good looking does not make someone any less of a gay woman; it's just platonic admirance. Yes, when most sexual people use the word hot they mean it sexually, and yes, when asexuals say it it's just aesthetic attraction/art work like you said. So yes, this also doesn't makes aces any less ace, but this is also something hard for some sexual people to wrap their heads around since the two are always present for them and they can't think of it any other way (as well were never informed of such things before they formed their assumptions on how things work so it's hard to change that mind set).

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10 hours ago, Just like Jughead said:

I can know someone is attractive and not want to have sex with them. It has nothing to do with my upbringing. 

+1

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I am unsure how to respond to the question. but, I do know that I am able to tell who is more attractive and who is less attractive, and this... is very consistent. but, sometimes I feel attracted to someone.... and it feels like something. over time I was able to better identify that feeling. and sometimes I'd be surprised that I was attracted to them - what could be ranked as a "7" according to cultural norms, somehow when I looked at them I wanted to be able to "rank" them higher lol... ugh I hate thinking of it as a rank but it couldn't be ignored that somehow they were more attractive than they "should" be for me. and that some people who should be considered attractive - I don't feel it. and that is what is really "attraction" for me. seeing a blonde guy and understanding that he is hot is different than seeing someone who I'm attracted to. I've always said that I'm not attracted to blondes, despite knowing that they are attractive - I just know that it wasn't attraction.

 

of course... I also knew what attraction was like for me, to be able to differentiate.... 

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Squirrel Combat

I can easily tell between people who I find attractive and people I don't find attractive. It's pretty easy. I just want to stare at the attractive people for minutes on end.

 

But sometimes I can't help but stare at people I think are ugly, too. It's weird; it's like they're so ugly that I can't help but look at them.

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