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Woman wants marriage annulled because her husband is asexual


Ettina

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Topic locked for a 24 hour cooldown time.

 

Please try to remain CIVIL when discussing this topic and REFRAIN from ANY personal attacks.

Also, do NOT go off topic.It is highly reccomended to walk away from this discussion should you feel any fustration or use the ignore option/report said post so the admod team can deal with it.

 

Thank you

 

Jayce, Asexual Relationships moderator.

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Topic unlocked.

 

Do NOT go off-topic.Also, do NOT engage into ANY personal attacks and please try to remain CIVIL while discussing this topic

In the light of this i'd like to strongly advice you to use the ignore option or the report button should someone has said something you disagree with.It is also highly reccomended to walk away from this discussion should you feel any fustration with what a member has said or done in this forum.

 

Failure to adhere will result into a possible admod review of this thread/this thread being locked permanently.

 

Thank you,

 

Jayce, Asexual Relationships moderator.

 

 

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As a former sexual, I really don't think something like ED, hormones issues, and so on are good reason to declare you permanently lost interest into sex as it is likely those who lost interest will have interest if those are resolved. My lack of interest is not linked to sexual or psychological issues as I have neither. How I realize I was going to permanently lose interest into sex is that after a while, I actually started to notice I was less into sex as the weeks passed, and less, and I realized that where I'm going was a point of no return. 6 years later, besides a hour after surgeries, I have zero interest into sex, and I do not count my experiences of having sexuality after surgeries as I was not in my usual brain state as I was overloaded with hormonal alteration on the brain as the result of anesthesia, and the body was activating some sort of production of neuro-chemicals as a result of truama. It's likely that by May 2020, I will be writing about my continued lack of interest.

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On 1/3/2017 at 4:21 PM, Tracy1 said:

IMO, the interest in sex is driven by Hollywood.   They make it seem almost essential to a happy relationship.  To me, companion type love is far more intimate and indicative of real love rather than lust.  It is about trust and having someone to watch your back and be there for you during the tough times. 

 

Despite Tracy1's protestation to the contrary, this is the specific statement she made that pretty much incited all the controversy.  I certainly interpret this quoted passage as demeaning the idea that, FOR SEXUALS,  sex is vitally important to maintain a marriage.  I am a sexual and I agree with Telecaster that, for many or most sexuals,  sex is vital to a marriage.  My marriage was destroyed due to sexlessness from the very beginning.  I consider it stillborn, it never had a chance.

 

And now a very general comment.  The purpose of this site is at least partly to get the world to understand and empathize with the asexual community and understand the differences in how they think and process things.  To understand THEIR NEEDS.

 

But what we often see here are asexuals opining on how sexuals should feel about sex, their NEEDS, and the relative importance of sex in a marriage FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF SEXUALS.

 

If you seriously want the outside world to respect your needs, and understand you, you need to respect "our" needs too.  The sword must cut both ways or "we" cannot take you seriously.  Just like I am in no position to tell asexuals what they feel or need, asexuals are similarly in no position to tell sexuals what they feel or need.  Mutual respect for needs, please.

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8 hours ago, Photodude said:

Despite Tracy1's protestation to the contrary, this is the specific statement she made that pretty much incited all the controversy.  I certainly interpret this quoted passage as demeaning the idea that, FOR SEXUALS,  sex is vitally important to maintain a marriage.  I am a sexual and I agree with Telecaster that, for many or most sexuals,  sex is vital to a marriage.  My marriage was destroyed due to sexlessness from the very beginning.  I consider it stillborn, it never had a chance.

 

And now a very general comment.  The purpose of this site is at least partly to get the world to understand and empathize with the asexual community and understand the differences in how they think and process things.  To understand THEIR NEEDS.

 

But what we often see here are asexuals opining on how sexuals should feel about sex, their NEEDS, and the relative importance of sex in a marriage FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF SEXUALS.

 

If you seriously want the outside world to respect your needs, and understand you, you need to respect "our" needs too.  The sword must cut both ways or "we" cannot take you seriously.  Just like I am in no position to tell asexuals what they feel or need, asexuals are similarly in no position to tell sexuals what they feel or need.  Mutual respect for needs, please.

Photodude:

 

I think you missed the shorthand IMO.  IMO is short hand for in my opinion.   When I speak about Hollywood, I mean that they GENERALIZE that EVERYONE LIKES SEX.   That is demeaning.  They need to start making movies about asexual relationships, too.

 

I would not find your opinion demeaning even though it dissed my opinion.

 

I am well aware that my sexual husband liked sex.  That is why I divorced him.  I set him free to find a women who had compatible sexual interests.  For YOU sex may be vitally important to a marriage but obviously it is not important to any of the asexuals here.

 

I think you need to remember that this is a forum for asexuals.  So, personally, some may find your comment demeaning being as the title of the website is ASEXUALITY.

 

I don't opine about how sexuals should feel about sex.  My only suggestion is that if one is sexual, they should look for a sexual partner and if one is asexual, they would be happier with an asexual partner.

 

I agree with you.  A marriage between an asexual and a sexual is doomed.

 

So, I am not sure what you find as demeaning.  I do not go to sexual sites and start accusing sexuals of being demeaning.  As an asexual on an asexual site, I am simply stating my opinion. 

 

 

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On 5/1/2017 at 1:02 AM, m4rble said:

Imagine if your partner, for some reason incomprehensible to you, could only feel emotionally satisfied if you performed an activity that you found painful or disgusting, like cleaning a sewer or rubbing against sandpaper. What's more they wanted you to actively desire and enjoy it and if you didn't they would feel hurt. Even if you did for their sake, they would never be fully satisfied because you didn't show enough enthusiasm and it would cause their self confidence to plummet even though you not wanting to do the activity had nothing to do with them personally. Your partner would want to do this activity several times a  week and every single time it would drain you and it would never stop. You would realize other people could do this activity without any distress whatsoever, meanwhile what you did out of sacrifice would never be as good as what they did out of joy precisely because they could enjoy it. That's what it would be like for an asexual in a relationship with a sexual.

If the asexual is sex repulsed, then it would be an awful thing to force them to sex. It is called abuse. 

 

...but some asexuals like sex under the rigth circumstances, but just doesnt really get the urge or need to do it again, and not to often. Huge spectrum! 

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Generally everybody likes sex under the rigth circumstances. 99% according to aven. Hollywood knows!

 

Is this a forum for asexuals? I thougth it was about asexuality? 

 

I would not call a mixed relationship doomed. Rather "cursed" with a major, hard-to-come-by obstacle.

 

back to the beginning: does the annulment have any legal issues? How is it different to a divorce? If they feel love has died out and are not able/willing to work on the relationship difficulty, which is a big issue, but not spoken about for a long time. Then get a divorce!

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