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Trying to understand


ErrIsHuman

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Ok so my Husband and I have never been on the same playing field as far as sex goes. I am his first and only sexual partner (or any partner for that matter) we met when he was 19. He has always had what we thought was low sexual interest but recently blew up at me (we have been together for 10 almost 11 years) and said he could go on with life and never have sex again and that would be fine with him...So I started to research and found this website well that was a couple months back in the mean time we have also found out that his testosterone levels are extremely low and he is on weekly shots to try and help that. So tonight we did a quiz and it said he was self sexual mostly then asexual fetishist which almost was tied to demi gray a sexual. Now I am a very open minded sexual into some fetish stuff nothing to wild but I like to try new things out and I would not say that I am 100% straight but I have never been with anyone of the same sex but the attraction is there at times and I am not feeling the monogamy thing though I have not and would not cheat on my husband and we have been married almost 9 years I think that I could be open to an open relationship if it ever came up however my husband is straight up monogamist and I respect that. but we are struggling to make compromise work and I am not sure if I am just starting to feel lonely or under loved because I am a sexual who also happens to have a big sensory issue involving me needing physical touch and connection regularly or I start to get anxiety issues (all on me and I don't make him step up but its wearing on me to refrain) and since he has openly said he was un interested in sex mostly he has tried harder to give more and I have pushed less but the issue is now when we do get together I feel like its fake or mechanical like push this here rub here faster hurry she will be done and I can move on with life...compromising seems fake to me but if hes not into it hes not into it how do we make this work...

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  • 6 months later...
winchester.kaz2y5

Have you talked to him about how you're feeling, it might be a good idea to remind him he doesn't have to feel obligated. 

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My impression is that both of you are still uncertain as to your husband's sexual orientation.

Yes, you can take one quiz and he can take the shots for testosterone, but if he is in fact asexual, the added testosterone may have only a short term effect.

Your husband needs to know himself better, and the only way to do so is reflection and interacting with some information here.

We have excellent FAQs disclosing our knowledge of  the nature and definition of asexuality.

There are ways of having sex with an asexual.

There are ways of relating to him intimately that will not strain his and your sense of self.

 

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