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What is Your Ideal Relationship?


Flyaway4me

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  • 2 weeks later...
Flickering Revelations

My ideal relationships would consist of having one companion and one partner. These relationships would start at different points in my life, and run simultaneously for about two decades. (This is not mutually exclusive with having others friends, of course.)

 

I would want someone who has survived my thorough compatibility selection process to be my loyal* lifelong companion. My companion would:

  1. place significant value on emotional intimacy
  2. Have the ability to sustain (and perhaps expand) my curiosity, creativity and personal ambition
  3. Contribute effort to making our relationship last a lifetime

The crucial qualities (which the selection process would have highlighted) that will help ensure this are:

  • Already developed introspection & good diplomatic self-expression style
  • Habit of kindness
  • Generosity in patience towards peculiarities
  • Willingness to reveal vulnerabilities
  • Predisposition to questioning norms, imagining alternatives
  • No aversion to direct discussions about our relationship 

I will not seek a companion before having developed the first three qualities to a decent extent myself, which will likely be well into my 20s.

I have no gender preference for my companion (although perhaps I would find it easier to open up to a woman).

I would be open them being sexual on the condition that they engage in the relationship expecting that there will never be sex between us. They would absolutely be allowed to have consensual sexual relations with whoever they please, so long as no secrets are kept. However this should not invalidate the status of our relationship as the principal relationship.

I would definitely want some sort of ceremony offialising the promise to stay together for the rest of our lives, even if it isn't a traditional marriage.

I intend to live in cohousing (in the countryside) as soon as I start my working life. So my companion should be willing to move into this cohousing as my neighbour (notice the reference to living in different homes). That would allow us to have contact regularly while maintaining a level of independence and privacy.

We would regularly spend time together at scheduled times each week. One good example of such a schedule would be:

  • Quiet evenings (of about 2-3 hours)** alone in one of our homes 3x a working week, the purpose of which is to get very emotionally close
  • Half-a-day romantic excursions on weekends***, the purpose of which is to have fun together and temporarily forget about other pressures
  • (Once children come into the picture) wider family**** lunch every weekend
  • (Once children come into the picture) occasional brief wider family holiday

I have nothing against public displays of affection: no limitation on hugs, hand holding, caresses, kiss on the face. And I would certainly love it if we expressed our affection in this way in private. In fact, I would be like an affection sponge.

 

I would like to keep children separate from my relationship with my companion.

I would like to adopt children at a specific point in my life^ and raise them with a partner. A partner would be a good friend, chosen for this role because of their very similar views on parenting, education and what kind of people we want the children to become. We would only adopt children once we have formulated a precise and comprehensive parenting plan that we agree on.

They would live in the same cohousing and could have a companion (or whatever they want to call the person) too.

I wouldn't mind the children living in my home (and them having their home to themselves and their companion/spouse). They could come over to help at key moments of the day.^^

 

 

* Loyal: offering firm and constant support to a person, with the willingness to prioritise that person when necessary.

** Those evenings would be mostly dedicated to having deep conversations (either personal or philosophical/creative in nature) and cuddling. We could watch films together and read to each other as well, for the purpose of variation.

          -> Once I adopt children, this will have to occur after their bedtime.

*** No specific activity in mind, just a romantic atmosphere

**** Consists of the children, my partner, their companion, me, my companion

 

^ Once I have a well established career (which means once I have opened my school and it's functioning well). This could be well into my late 30s.

^^ From breakfast until they are at school, from when they come home until they're asleep (including homework/play/dinner). We could negotiate taking turns for these times of day.

 
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TheNerdyOne

In my ideal relationship, we'll probably be friends before we become a couple. He would be just as nerdy as I was and would like making things like art, movies, music, and other fun creative stuff like that. As I often tell Mom and my twin, he'll be the Ben Wyatt to my Leslie Knope.

There won't be any sex in the relationship. Might sound a bit obvious, but I just can't compromise like other aces can.

If we have any children at all, it'll be through adoption. Pregnancy and childbirth sound miserable, and there are already enough kids in the world who need a home. But otherwise, we'll definitely have cats. Maybe a dog.

We'll travel all over as well. I intend to in the future anyway, since it would influence my art and animation greatly, but this would be fun to do together.

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I live in a block of 6 flats. I would like it to be populated by my friends whether couples or singles. Can come and go as we please, but knowing we all had each other's backs.

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I'd ideally live together similar to a traditional monogamous relationship, without sex - my partner would have to be okay with me being in porn, but with it understood that porn doesn't stir emotional connections for me outside of work. We'd both have our own jobs and eventually joint business ventures, so they'd have to have creative intellectual entrepreneurial goals.

 

I'm an aromantic person but I think its proper to show physical contact** & affection in a relationship (grew up in a family of quite passionate romantics.) I also appreciate thoughtful gestures in return, just to know I'm not the only one putting in effort between us. I don't want kids, but that's negotiable down the line with the right person. Occasionally we might sleep together, but otherwise we'd have separate rooms - My insomnia is terrible so I hardly ever sleep anyways. I'd love large dogs, but I definitely don't want to be the main one to care for them - I'd be a terrible solo pet owner.

 

** Physical contact: I'm talking about kisses (no tongue), cuddling, hugs, etc. We could even just be in the same room without talking doing our own things, and having their energy nearby would be sufficient. I'm used to being around romantics though, so I'm not sure if it'd be more of a hassle to change my habits or just keep them, as I'm indifferent either way. If I quit porn, we'd first have a conversation about whether my partner's willing to get sexually intimate a couple times a year (adjusted to their comfort level), or have a NSA sugar baby to call occasionally - tested & all (more of a transactional feel). It'd be no different than a salon appointment in that case.

 

PSA: Oh yeah, they'd also have to be willing to come with me to public work events (red carpet, award shows, etc), but I don't like staying long so we can dip once I'm done making my rounds (I won't make them be in the pictures, but I'd like them to be there with me) and then go get ice cream and be silly. :)

 

tldr: traditional monogamous grey-romantic

1- nonsexual relationship while I'm in porn or have some NSA thing.

2- occasionally-sexual relationship if I leave porn someday, don't have any NSA things, & my partner's willing. 

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I'd like to fall in love - to have that feeling of 'this person is so great, I like them so much'. And have it be mutual. :)  I'd like to have a partner - someone I live with, someone to share my life with. I'd like us to support each other through good times and bad. I'd like to have children. So basically I'd like to be happily married, just without the sex!

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I'd love to be married to another asexual, or at least a guy with a very, very low sex drive (I don't know, but I think I might eventually be able to have sex with a spouse on rare occasions if they'd need me to; I'm still working all this out!). Part of me would like to adopt, but I'm still thinking about it. Of course I'd want pets! As far as everyday physical intimacy, I'd be cool with some kissing, cuddling, and just non-sexual affectionate contact. Instead of hot dates, we'd stay up all night discussing philosophy and go on geeky, unique dates like visiting people's houses and turning as many things upside down as possible without them noticing, waging war with paper airplanes, etc. We'd be so cute and cheesy that it wouldn't occur to anyone that we weren't sexual with each other!

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my ideal relationship is just a normal romantic relationship. a monogamous best friend who loves me for who i am as a friend would but with romantic feelings, gestures, etc. kissing and cuddling are encouraged. a friend that's more than a friend but is okay if i never want to have sex. we would go on dates, talk about bullshit, tell each other about ourselves. 

 

honestly...i just want someone to put me first. 

 

everyone in my life has better friends, sexual relationships, or something or other that is more important than a friend that cares about them.

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Princess.lnj

My ideal relationship would be to meet someone who understands and accepts my asexuality. Someone who won't try to force sex on me and will love me for who I am. I'd like to be in a heteromantic relationship where we do romantic things like hold hands, cuddle, and hug. I just would like to do only those things without the sex. I know it will be rare to find a guy who will want a relationship without sex but my ideal relationship would be to meet someone who would connect with me on a spiritual level without the sex.

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Until just over a year ago, I had a relationship I thought was ideal. We spent as much time together as we could, going on outings, cuddling, watching videos together, and talking about anything and everything. I hoped things would continue that way, and that one day we'd be able to live together as well. Then she suddenly dumped me. She said it was because past trauma meant she didn't feel able to have sex. I told her that I'd be perfectly happy to never have sex, but she said that as far as she was concerned a relationship without sex didn't qualify as one. But for me, my ideal relationship would essentially be a best friend I can cuddle and share emotional intimacy with. Anything else would be optional extras.

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On 02/08/2017 at 4:31 AM, TheNerdyOne said:

he'll be the Ben Wyatt to my Leslie Knope.

There won't be any sex in the relationship. Might sound a bit obvious, but I just can't compromise like other aces can.

If we have any children at all, it'll be through adoption. Pregnancy and childbirth sound miserable, and there are already enough kids in the world who need a home. 

You've literally just described my dream relationship! If only I could find my nerdy Ben Wyatt 😍

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My ideal relationship would be with someone who I could really trust and talk to. Where we could share things with each other and support each other through whatever we are going through. Someone who I could do stuff with like go shopping or go on holiday together and have a really great time. I would love to have a non-sexual relationship where we could cuddle up in bed or the couch and watch TV and play with each others hair . I wouldn't mind kissing as long as it is closed mouth kissing. 

 

I would love a relationship where we could respect each others space like maybe one of us could have like a office in our apartment. I would be open too marriage and children but only if she is 100% on that subject. 

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I'd live with a platonic partner, probably a very close friend. We'd go out and have friend dates sometimes, like go to a cute coffee shop or a bakery, or maybe stroll through a museum or have picnics. They (of course) can have their own S/O, and I'd like to be annoyingly close with their S/O, too. 

 

I don't live alone, but I don't have a romantic partner. Just someone who can stay up late and binge watches TV with me, or listen to late-night ramblings, or do ridiculous things like put my dog in a T-Shirt with me. 

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I'd like to have a partner to live with, to go out somewhere like cinema or coffee shop or some fun places. I'd like someone with who I can stay up whole night talking and eating ice-cream. That I can trust and care about. But the most important thing is for them to be my friend first and foremost. But with more cuddling ;)

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Lucy in the sky

No sex, no kids (just cats and dogs! :D)

 

Someone who has a similar outlook on life, is my conversational partner, has similar interests so that we can discuss a wide array of topics, challenges me intellectually,

but also a 'partner' who allows me to have my own space and time for myself (same goes for him as well).

 

Cuddling is welcome, though not absolutely necessary,

traveling together, being artistic and creative together, taking care of our pets

 

No fuss, simple and clean :)

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A romantic relationship without sex.

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On 7/1/2017 at 1:24 PM, drjohnhwatson said:

I want someone to be my best fried.  Someone I can turn to, in thick and thin.  Someone who is my partner in crime.  Someone who gets my humour.  Someone who shares at least a few of my hobbies.  Someone who enjoys staying home and not going out every night, but who enjoys going to a museum, or to the theatre, or to the cinema.  Someone who might be creative, or at least appreciates the arts.  Someone who likes to travel and someone who enjoys being around animals.

 

Just a quiet relationship.  Beginning to seem completely out of my grasp, however.  :/.

 

This does a pretty good job of summing up what I'm looking for as well, with those hobbies tending to fall to things like comics, gaming, sci-fi/fantasy and the like.  Someone who likes cuddling and physical affection (hopefully a lot) and playful wrestling matches on the floor.  

 

But really, at the core, it's the mutual trust, caring for one another and being willing to stand beside each other that's what counts for the most -- the rest is a bonus :-)

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StrangerThing

I'd like someone that shared some similar interests as me, who liked going out and trying new things.  Someone who likes to travel.  We'd enjoy each other's companionship and be committed to each other.  I'd like him to enjoy kissing and cuddling.  While I wouldn't rule sex out, I'd prefer little to none.

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Moonstruck Dragon

I'm a (possibly Idem) Panromantic Asexual

 

Ideal relationship for me would be non-sexual, probably not romantic either. So I guess that would be a QPR. I would like someone(s) to cuddle with, and some hand-holding and kissing. sharing a house or apartment. each have our own room, but occasionally there would be some bed-sharing like on bad nights, because we can't fall sleep, or one of us has nightmares. We would go places together, but still can have our own separate lives too. I might have multiple QPR partners, and they would all be allowed the same if they wanted.

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I think my ideal relationship would be with someone's who's essentially like a best friend. 

Someone who I have a good handful of common interests with but we can also do things and have hobbies as individuals. 

 

I hope they'd be patient with me and understand that there'll be some days when I'm not in the cheeriest of moods or feel like cuddling, but understand that it's no fault of theirs, just a passing blip in our day. 

 

I guess I kinda just want someone to share life experiences with, and to have someone in my corner who knows I'm always there to support them and who'll have my back as well. 

 

I never gave my ideal relationship much thought before, but I think when it comes down to it I'd just want to be with a person who cares enough to try...

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DemiGeekGoddess

My ideal relationship would consist of a close bond. Somewhat of that like a true best friend. The way we meet will have to be organic. It has to be so well formulated that all signs would always resetablish the validity of our connection. In addition to fulfilling careers, financial stability, and shared goals, I would rather someone that I could grow and develop with and visa versa. That way the reward from the success from our careers and relationship projects together years down the road can be felt, understood, and appreciated by the both of us. Even though, I can be very serious, I enjoy the aspect of humor. I long for the inside jokes and everything but they have to be patient enough for me to open up. I would like to have an attraction to the person that I am with but I want it surface level. I just want to enjoy the  personal characteristics of the person that  I may have to look at everyday.   I  used to think that I don't want monagoamy but I do if it's with the right person. I also want stability. I guess what I am saying is that I just want the freedom to actually be myself with someone. I just want to be organically me and loved for it with no pressure and nothing too physical. I think the bond is closer that way. If I chose monogamy with them, sex will only be for the sake of child bearing though I hope in vitro or adoption is at least an option. I am currently with a partner that is sexual. My ideal goal is to be enough sexually .....even though I am asexual. My goal is to love this person in the best way that I can and I am really trying my best. I hope that things work out for the best. In summary, my ideal relationship would be one full of understanding, love, patience, companionship, a true future for marriage, acceptance from family and friends, happiness, harmony, all around stability, and true universal alignment. 

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Since we're talking Ideal...
Someone who would be my bestest best friend. Infinite trust and honesty. Would understand and support each other in any times. Late night walks and talks, intellectual, deep conversations, similar music taste. Meaningful hugs. Partners in crime. Many adventures and experiences together. Would share some mutual friends. Very little to no PDA. Would be able to have our own space without actually needing to be apart. Someone with whom a simple look would tell a lot. Similar, yet very different minds at the same time. Would feel comfortable (around the disgusting snapchat snaps that friends send each other level), safe and accepted around each other. A biological child would be very sweet, but kind of impossible..

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Imsoconfusedughgoshdarnit

Ideal relationship would be with a straight girl who isn't crazy about sex, but sometimes has sexual needs that need to be satisfied. She is ok with not doing anything sexual to me and is cool with it being all about her in the bedroom. Likes to fall asleep in each other's arms, legs all wrapped up together (<< love that s**t) 

 

Outside of the bedroom, they are just low maintenance and cool with just doing nothing together. Sharing space.

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My ideal relationship would be a queerplatonic one probably. I'd like to have a very very close friend to live in the same house, going to the cinema, visiting places or just passing the time together. Someone that shares some of my interests, likes videogames, and is open-minded. I would trust him/her/them enough to tell them everything (and I wish they do the same!)

I'd like to share the same bed if it isn't a problem for them, and I'd be fine with cuddling, kissing, holding hands and some sensual acts. I would consider them a demonstration of a deep bound between us. Pretty much anything that isn't sex is fair game for me :D

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My ideal would probably be to have a multitude of different kinds of relationships with all genders. I am polyamorous and am curious to try everything/prefer variety in my life.

 

If I had to only choose one type of relationship, I guess I'd choose my husband (romantic relationship with a bit of romantic sex but rarely), though he'd struggle with monogamy too. :P 

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On Wednesday, August 09, 2017 at 11:33 AM, Elden said:

Until just over a year ago, I had a relationship I thought was ideal. We spent as much time together as we could, going on outings, cuddling, watching videos together, and talking about anything and everything. I hoped things would continue that way, and that one day we'd be able to live together as well. Then she suddenly dumped me. She said it was because past trauma meant she didn't feel able to have sex. I told her that I'd be perfectly happy to never have sex, but she said that as far as she was concerned a relationship without sex didn't qualify as one. But for me, my ideal relationship would essentially be a best friend I can cuddle and share emotional intimacy with. Anything else would be optional extras.

That's really sad. Social conditioning and expectations suck. I hope one day she'd be able to see that.

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