I am a grey-area romantic and grey asexual? Anyone else?

[Dazel]

I'm new to this forum and was looking for other aces since I don't know any irl.

[UrbanPrimitive]

Welcome to the AVEN @Dazel! There are quite a few of us in the grey area of the ace spectrum. It can be pretty bewildering, but in the end that's okay. We're all working this stuff out. If you want to find some folks in your area consider checking out the Meetup Mart. There may be a group of aces in your area that are already meeting regularly to get some community time in with people who get it.

[Maristine]

Yup. I am demisexual and demiromantic. Don't have much to say about it other than it's super rad .

[NorsePhoenix]

I'm new too. Still trying to figure out where I fit in. Grey for sure, but have never really had much sexual inclinations or fantasies. That said, I am a romantic. Friday my husband and I celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary. Our daughter turns 16 next month. I enjoy the intimacy and I know it makes him happy and so I don't have a problem with it, but it's always been a source of tension between us that I don't initiate or even think much about it. It's infrequent, and I'm perfectly content with "helping him out" and receiving nothing in return, though he feels bad and doesn't believe me when I tell him honestly I'm fine and it makes me happy to make him happy in that way. We'd always chalked my "disinterest" up - well, for the past few years anyway - on my having Asperger's and then lately my medical issues (Ehlers-Danlos hypermobility) has been a barrier too. I don't really miss it, but I like to snuggle. I don't care much for anyone other than him and my daughter to hug me or get close to me, though I'm okay with my parents, it just get awkward much faster than with my husband or daughter. Maybe four friends are okay as well, briefly. So I'm not sure where I fall. Been reading up on this site a good chunk of the evening, have a book ordered on Amazon too. Grey something. Definitely grey something. Romantic. That's about as far as I've gotten.

[Lizzytreble13]

Welcome! You are not alone in your gray ace-ness! I identify as demisexual (for lack of a better term)

[pocket]

I am in the same boat Dazel.

[VaraMoon]

I'm in the gray area too. It's rare for me to feel sexual feelings and usually I'm not too gaga about it. :T

[no no na na]

I am asexual having never wanted, fantasized, nor enjoyed sex but at the same time can develop attraction for someone I have become close to intellectually only as far as snuggling and maybe some kissing but as soon as it starts going any further I get very uncomfortable and lose all desire for intimacy whatsoever, although I will be willing to give pleasure to someone without it be returned as long as that attraction is there. For quite awhile now though I've had no feelings nor attractions for anyone so I had accepted that I would remain alone for the rest of my life, which I am perfectly ok with since I need a lot of alone time anyways and have never gotten lonely. But just recently I have started hanging out with an old friend and we have such good conversations about many topics of mutual interests that I am feeling an attraction towards him, to snuggle only but it's something...so I guess what I am saying is don't worry to much about identifying with a label because people grow and every relationship with anybody is unique and a little different and sometimes labels will keep us from opening up to try something new out of our comfort zone(label)

[straightouttamordor]

Somewhere between a Grey and Demi. I can relate to and with either.  

[scarletlatitude]

Welcome!  There are many gray aces here. 

[Florenna]

I'm a new grey here as well   (I'm still figuring it out a bit, but that definitely seems the closest "label match" for me.)

[Username_2017]

Probably grey. Definitely not 100% sexual going by some of the posts from sexuals on here. I relate much more with asexuals and it is not really a priority. I want to be secure in a relationship knowing if I was to fall ill or loose interest in sex  my partner wouldn't start thinking about having an affair or leaving me. I find that attitude really hard to swallow. 

 

 

[Private]

1 hour ago, Username_2017 said:

Probably grey. Definitely not 100% sexual going by some of the posts from sexuals on here. I relate much more with asexuals and it is not really a priority. I want to be secure in a relationship knowing if I was to fall ill or loose interest in sex  my partner wouldn't start thinking about having an affair or leaving me. I find that attitude really hard to swallow. 

 

 

You know even some sexuals talk about the "tyranny of the sex drive."   Google tyranny of the libido or tyranny of the sex drive and you will find some interesting results.

 

This refers to the high level of importance that is placed on having sex.

 

It refers to people who destroy real and good and trusting and loving, caring relationships that may be sexless, all due to the feeling that having sex is a right that must be fulfilled to be fulfilled in life.

 

If you talk to a marriage counselor you will quickly learn that many men who have affairs love their wives.  However, they blame the affair on the wife's low libido or lack of interest in sex.  When their affair destroys their marriage they are regretful but many times, it's too late.  A relationship is nothing without trust. 

 

Sometimes it is the man who does not want sex and the wife feels entitled to have an affair.  I think male asexuals are deeper in the closet than are female asexuals.  So I really feel for them.

 

I do think sex will become an issue if both partners are NOT asexual, and the asexual decides they no longer want sex.   If the asexual continues to engage in sex to please the partner perhaps then the relationship has a chance.