Some Thoughts

[3IA]

Almost seven years ago now, I realized there was a word to describe me and I'd never been so happy as to discover that there was a word for what I was experiencing. I told my very best friend and she told me that I was too young to know for sure, that it might be a phase, and was very adamant that I wasn't asexual due to a lack of experience. I made a post about this nearly four or five years ago and boy, like maybe three years ago, I realized why my very open-minded friend had been so closed-minded about my asexuality. She doesn't want me to be alone, childless, while I watch her and my other best friend grow old and get married and have families. To her, that is the saddest thing she could ever think of me experiencing. But really, my friendship with them is all I need. And since then, she's been more accepting and understanding and has researched asexuality and been supportive. In turn, I've forgiven her because she was really just worried about me. 

 

I've never met anyone or heard of someone who has responded that way to asexuality. I just wanted to... post some positivity, I guess, in the midst of all these crisis. I wish more people could be as understanding as my friend, but on the same hand I would have liked to have learned where her feelings came from years earlier. It's odd, how love/care can be a negative thing when it's coming from well-meaning feelings. 

 

Nowadays, she's very supportive and I've explained that to me being alone is not bad. I wouldn't mind it, it would make very little difference to me whether I had a romantic partner or not. I care more about my friendships than I do relationships and I will never be able to put a relationship before my friends. 

 

 

[Scottthespy]

My mother was supportive in a 'well, you'll change your mind, but if this is what you want for now then so be it' kind of way for...heh, seven years. One day she realized that she had stopped waiting for me to change my mind, this was no longer a 'phase', it was now just the way things were. I've also had one or two people give the 'Wow, that sucks for you' response when I told them.

 

Its not all that strange to me, but I spend more time in other people's heads than in my own most days so...perhaps I'm just too concerned with how and what others think. The issue arises, ironically, from people not considering the other person's point of view...they consider how THEY would feel in a given situation, what THEY want in life and what makes THEM happy, and assume that these things must all be so for the people around them as well. When they see something they would want isn't available to a friend, they assume that friend is unhappy due to the lack. Your friend acting as she did was a case of her not considering that your feelings were different from hers, and you not realizing at first that she was actually being concerned for you was a case of you not wondering why she would be so worried about your romantic life.

 

Its great to hear some one else with a positive story of some one being skeptical at first but coming around and managing to keep the friendship in tact. And as a bonus, you've both learned a lesson many people don't learn until very late in their lives, if at all: Consider the other person's mindset before making a call. Or, to put it another way, Walk a mile in their shoes. If we all took a little more time to consider that other people have different experiences, emotions, and thought processes, I bet we'd have more stories of people managing to stay friends despite differing opinions.