About Kids

[AVEN #1 fan]

9 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Hehe, exactly...which is why it's such a bunk argument  But then, transphobes...rational arguments? I won't hold my breath.

 

Overall though, I think it's more important for me to focus on the rest of motherhood, rather than just the approximately 1 year at the beginning. It's not my body configuration that determines my ability to be a good mother.

Woo hoo,  gurl.

[nerdperson777]

16 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Thanks, @ChillaKilla. I'd gladly take it off your hands for you if I could. I don't care about the pain. It'd be a small price to pay. I'm trying to change my thinking on it to focus on the other aspects of motherhood that aren't limited by biology.

 

It helps to hear you say that it would be dysphoric to even use what you have. That's exactly what I was getting at. I was talking about it with my therapist, and I felt like I was having trouble articulating it. Once I realized HRT had probably shut all that stuff down permantly...I was incredibly relieved. But people don't understand. "How can you not want to have your own children biologically?!?!" Because I wasn't born with eggs. It's that simple really.

 

This reminds me of some amusing post about some trans female person wanting boobs and several trans male people offering her double D's or G's, some large sizes.  She joked back that she only needed one pair.

 

7 hours ago, Evren said:

I can definitely understand that feeling. I try not to ever think about the organs that happen to be inhabiting my body at all. I would happily give you mine Hadley if I could, although I have to warn you that mine may be worse on the pain front than Chillas. I spend quite a bit of time imagining the bits that I should have are just off in some alternate reality with phantom sensations. 

The idea of using those organs for anything is horrifying. Growing a baby inside me euggg. It makes me shudder just to think about it. 

I wouldn't want a child regardless of my equipment, but my current organs cause much more dysphoria than the right bits would.

 

I think I'm mostly averse to the idea of using my uterus and being pregnant.  I know a tomboy who said that when she gets married, she wouldn't mind raising kids with her husband, it's being pregnant that she doesn't want.  So even cis people can have the same feelings.  Being a parent was not something on my agenda but I do like hanging with kids.  I'm a little more neutral to the idea of having a child but I don't want to bring one into the world when I'm not ready.  My uterus hasn't been too bad so I might have the most unreactive one.  So I guess my organs are what I hate rather than having a child itself.  I don't think I actually care if my body had eggs or sperm.  It may be an ace thing since I didn't plan on using them anyway.

 

This thread actually reminds me of a text conversation I had with my QPP.  I was still trying to figure out my feelings for her at the time.  I remember asking her about children, I forget why.  She said that she did contemplate about banking but she didn't think she would actually use them and surprisingly banking is really expensive.  Originally she thought if I was asking if she would be my mother.  That actually was another thought on my mind.  After hearing that, I pursued that idea a little more.  Now she's the closest person I have to an emotionally connected family.  So there IS more to parenthood than the reproductive organs, even if it's hard for us to believe.  Like adoptive parents, I say it's more about the love, care, and nurture.  Not being genetically related doesn't mean that the relationship is less valid.  As long as there's that bond and connection, nothing else should matter.

[epiphanycakes]

On 12/7/2016 at 2:07 AM, Hadley167 said:

I'm wondering if other people here feel the same kinds of things I do about this and if so, how you're able to articulate them to others (if you're able).

 

I understand that there are a lot of "no kids" people here, and that's fine. There was some thread elsewhere about it, and I said, "yay kids" in a sea of "no kids" and I felt bad. But the more I let myself be my true nature, the more I realize it's something important to me.

 

I can't really be non-TMI about this, so I'll just try to use euphemisms.

 

When I first started HRT, the doctor asked me if I wanted to "save some of myself" in case I wanted my own kids. I said absolutely not. Not because I didn't want kids, but because the though of doing that...or even contributing that specific element to the creation of a child feels like the antithesis of who and what I am. I feel like if you've got the womb hardware and are trans (not-female), that's very straightforward. There'd be a very direct and continuous (for a time) involvement in that process. I can imagine that being horribly dysphoria-inducing...say no more.

 

But I have trouble articulating how I feel. For me, there'd be very little involvement. Kinda just one shot and done. Hell, with science, had I "saved some of myself", I wouldn't have to do anything. But something about just knowing...like, I can't. I'm under no delusions that I can have a kid the same way someone with a womb could (which is heartbreaking in a way that's hard to describe, but those are the breaks). But in some strange way, it's just as dysphoria-inducing for me imagining using my AMAB hardware or even pieces to create a child. Does this make any sense? Am I crazy?

i've had the same feelings like i said in a few posts I was freaking out when I had a gf and was sexuly active that i might impregnate her and be a " daddie"  and be forced to be -shudders and closes eyes- a husband. Iv had feelings and a very strong mothering instinct as a kid i directed it at animals. I get so jealous and envy cis woman in my family or in public having babies worse if there family cus the whole " you're make a great father!" just no shut up i can't anyway infertile maahahaha 

but yea i dream about it  being pregnant and breastfeeding and having a little girl shout out " mumy mumy I want you to see dus!"   (hope to adopt n hear that <3) but yea I need to deal or i sob and curl on my bed with major dysphoria really fast sigh and my mums like that " ohhh you hate periods! if you were a -real - woman"  how the fuck would you know hmmm? and  I AM A REAL WOMAN!  just in this body sigh 

sorry if its ranty 

 

[A. Lynn Lee]

I jokingly told someone the other day that I'd gladly trade her my body's estrogen for her body's T. Then someone else (cis and very young) said "You could donate your eggs." and I freaked out a little. I'm not sure if it's an ace thing, a trans thing, or something else but the idea of procreating, even vicariously, is not something I'm super comfortable with. In the past I've thought that I might be okay with being a surrogate, which is weird because hello dysphoria, because I like the idea of helping someone else become a parent and then I could say that the organs I hate brought about something good. But the idea of the stress I would feel having to protect a helpless being, that I made, makes me nope out of the conversation pretty quickly. Even if I wouldn't be the one raising it. 

In other news, the uterus currently residing in my body doesn't give me too much physical grief. That's something to be grateful for, I suppose.