Feeling confused and in need of support

[Guest VeganGal]

Hi there

 

I am a little confused at the moment. I'm an older woman (57) living in the UK and I have had relationships with men and women. I was most comfortable when I was with a guy who was asexual (so no sex), but when that ended, I got into the whole mindset that I would have to have sex to be in a relationship. I think this outlook has been influential for some years now. But I really don't enjoy it! I love to be close to someone... to hold hands and kiss, but sex is just a real stress for me.

So I guess what I am wondering, is whether anyone else feels the same?  The whole idea that to be in a relationship involves sex is so prevalent. I really would love to meet someone who feels the same as me but I kind of assume this just won't happen.  It's starting to feel like the lonely planet, but I just don't want to pretend anymore and put myself through the stress of having sex when it actually isn't for me.

 

Be happy to hear any advice

Thanks

VeganGal

 

 

 

[Xavy]

So, on the one hand my experience is that if I don't introduce sex in a relationship (with a non asexual) the relationship will end quickly, but, on the other hand, sex is so meaningless to me that even if I introduce it in a relationship with a non asexual, the person will know that I am not into it and the relationship will end anyway.

 

Best solution - a relationship with another asexual person.

[SleepyFox]

Hi there,

 

I think I understand where you're coming from, although I'll admit that I haven't been in a physical relationship yet. Mostly because I am not interested in sex and I've yet to find someone who would be okay with that. I have to keep reminding myself that a relationship is built in other things like trust, mutual interests and friendship and while sex is seen as an important part of relationships it is ONLY one part of a whole. If it's something you're not comfortable doing then a good partner is going to respect that and not pressure you.

 

On another note, one of my friends has recently started dating a lovely guy who is completely fine with her asexuality even though he's not ace himself. So these wonderful people do exist - the hard bit is finding them.