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''Void'' gender dysphoria?


SteinsGate

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I'm very confused about myself, about who I am and what I'm feeling.

I was never attracted to men or women, I was never a very masculine and handsome man, I was never very feminine either.

When I look in the mirror, I can't help but see something I'm not - a man.

 

Being called a ''dude'', a ''young man'' or a ''mister'' really irritates me,

I feel like they're associating qualities I don't own, or my lack of qualities, with who I should be.

I wish people would see me as a person instead of a ''dude''.

I wish I could look in the mirror and just see a human with no masculine or feminine traits

 

I don't simply wake up feeling like a man and a woman the next day, I just don't feel like neither.

No signs of improving after 8 years, I want to put an end to all of this.

I don't know what's wrong with me and how to deal with these feelings.

 

This is my first time opening up about these feelings and I have never been in contact with any LGBT communities.

Forgive me if I don't know the proper lingo, I did not know until now that some people struggled with the same feelings.

 

 

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First of all, welcome! :cake:

 

Second of all, yup, I basically feel the same way, except I was assigned female at birth.

I identify as nonbinary (not exclusively male or female) and agender (basically the feeling of being explicitly not male and not female, not wanting to be seen as either).

There's nothing wrong with you for feeling like this :)

 

Don't worry about the proper lingo, you'll be fine. If you get something wrong people on here usually just kindly correct it.

All that matters is that you get the answers you need to understand yourself and deal with possible dysphoria (I don't know if you experience that, that's for you to figure out)

 

Based on what you wrote the first thing I would look into is dysphoria.

 

Spoiler

There's two main kinds of dysphoria, social dysphoria and body dysphoria, but those two kinds manifest in different ways for different people.

 

Body dysphoria - a feeling of discomfort or distress arising from a mismatch between your body and your inner sense of gender identity

Could for example manifest in not liking certain parts of your body and wanting to change them, or it could manifest in feeling a sense of disconnect between you and your body. Personally I felt like my body wasn't really my body. It felt like I was inhabiting someone else's body. If people compliment my appearance, I get offended (I know I shouldn't), because I feel like they are equating me to my body, while I see myself as pretty much separate from what I am inhabiting.

 

Social dysphoria - a feeling of discomfort or distress arising from a mismatch between how other people gender you and how you feel you should be seen.

Could for example manifest in trying to hide certain gendered aspects of your appearance, or in disliking it when people treat you as the gender they perceive you to be. For example, I get very dysphoric when guys hold open a door for me, because it means they see me as female. It also hurts when people refer to me as 'girl' or 'lady', even though I know they're not insulting me in any way. Strangely though, the pronoun 'she' doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don't know why.

 

Those are just personal examples, others feel it differently.

 

I'd say ask away. What are you confused about?

What concepts would you like people to explain? 

What feelings do you want people to give examples and descriptions for?

Are you looking for a label, or could you care less about labels?

What would you like to change (about yourself, your appearance, how you feel etcetera)?

You mentioned you were never attracted to men or women, would you just like some insights on gender, or also on romantic/sexual orientation?

Basically, how can people on here help you?

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2 hours ago, Laurann said:

I'd say ask away. What are you confused about?

What concepts would you like people to explain? 

What feelings do you want people to give examples and descriptions for?

Are you looking for a label, or could you care less about labels?

What would you like to change (about yourself, your appearance, how you feel etcetera)?

You mentioned you were never attracted to men or women, would you just like some insights on gender, or also on romantic/sexual orientation?

Basically, how can people on here help you?

 

I was wondering whether it was possible to experience dysphoria while not necessarily being gender neutral or transgender.

I used to wear as many clothes as I possibly could so people wouldn't recognize my gender
or shave my eyebrows and hair entirely bald as a mean to erase my identity.

I don't know how to deal with my dysphoria either, it never goes away.

 

I do not like labels at all, they make me feel uncomfortable.

 

I find it hard to find love in such a complicated relationship.

My genitals do not bother me, but sex still feels like a bore to me and very paradoxical.

I fail to see any utility or interest in sex, but I also fail to see any reasons why I'm feeling this way.

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You can certainly experience dysphoria without considering yourself gender neutral or trans. Disphoria is merely discomfort in your body and/or in how others perceive your gender. Being gendered because of any typically masculine/feminine physical traits people consider you to have when you don't feel comfortable with that makes complete sense, it in no way requires you to fit into a particular label at all.

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