Preferred gender? Preferred pronouns?

[Rynn]

I noticed that on the 'edit profile' page right beneath where you fill in your gender and pronouns there's little gray letters saying 'preferred gender' and 'preferred pronouns'.

Personally I think that's kind of strange, because in my view your gender identity isn't your 'preferred gender', it's just your gender. You don't have a choice in the matter. 

I think the same goes for pronouns really. You usually don't really get to choose which pronouns work for you. You find out through trial and error. A pronoun causes you to feel dysphoric? It's not your pronoun. A pronoun feels right to you? It's your pronoun. There's probably lots of trans people who during certain stages of their lives would prefer to simply be cis and would prefer to be okay with the pronouns they were assigned, but that's not how it works.

 

If it was up to me I would change 'preferred pronouns' and 'preferred gender' to 'pronouns' and 'gender' as in my view being trans is not a matter of choice or preference.

However, I realize that it's obviously not up to me and that I'm not the only person on this site with an opinion on this matter, so I'd like to invite other people to share their opinion.

 

Which do you like better? Preferred pronouns, or just pronouns?

[SkyWorld]

I haven't even noticed that. I'm pretty fine with either, I'm just happy that I'm able to type in what my gender and pronouns are. As well as when other people look on your profile, it doesn't say "preferred gender/pronouns", but just "gender" and "pronouns". 

[butterflydreams]

Hmmm, I don't really see the reason personally for prefixing either with "preferred" because of the reasons you mention, but I've talked with enough people here to suspect that "preferred" might encompass someone for whom it's more difficult to just demonstrate what they are. Like if you were genderfluid or something. That's just a theory though. Maybe someone like that will weigh in. 

 

Personally, I tend to feel like I've failed if someone asks me what my preferred pronouns are...because my whole goal is to make it obvious and blend in, like how it is for most people. But that is just my personal preference. Honestly, I still get misgendered at work surprisingly often. It's totally non-malicious. Just disappointing. But more recently I've noticed my brain doesn't even engage when someone refers to me as "he". So you're certainly welcome to call me that, but my brain doesn't even know who you're talking about anymore. It'll definitely take me a few seconds to catch on.

[Guest]

"Preferred pronoun" actually makes perfect sense to me.

 

"Preferred gender"... not so much. That sounds far more like asking for the gender you prefer in a potential partner (i.e., your romantic and/or sexual orientation), than like the gender you have/are.

[Finn.]

 

Mmh. I'm okay with "preferred pronouns", as it IS a choice which pronouns you use. Obviously, dysphoria and such isn't a choice, but in the end it's a choice to stick with your assigned pronouns or use different ones. But I would definitely prefer just "pronouns".

 

I don't like the "preferred gender" option. I mean, I think I get @Hadley167's point. As I am genderfluid (on a small spectrum) and whatever I'm currently at I would like to just be "seen/treated as agender". But just putting "agender" as my (preferred) gender would still not be true and I wouldn't do it. Yes I do prefer one gender over another sometimes, but only putting that in doesn't make sense to me either? It still doesn't depict my gender as a whole. Idk. Gender is not a choice.

 

The whole "preferred" culture seems like it's just there to offer people the choice in considering or disregarding your wishes, as in ACTUAL pronouns and gender. Treating it as an act instead of the reality.

[ChillaKilla]

Preferred gender is poop. Preferred pronouns I think are applicable only if someone has more than one type they are okay with, e.g. "I go by he or they but I much prefer they" (that's me), but for a lot of people, they're not negotiable like that and it's some of a disservice to say their pronouns are merely "preferred"

[RK800]

I hadn't even noticed that until now. Perhaps they mean the gender you prefer to be seen as? I totally get where y'all are coming from though. As a transmale I am male there's no "preferred" about it.