being transgender/transexual at christmas/boxing day

[epiphanycakes]

well were to start , boxing day(dec 26th) there has been a family gathering since like 2009ish iv always presented as my um emo " boy" stuff. 

last year me with the help of my bro and dad come out ( boxing day 2015) a few people namely my uncle aaron and my gran were iffy. infact my uncle confronted me on it I stood my ground and said i just wanted at minimum respect.when i was leaving my brother called me emily my gran scoffed.

Add to the fact my detransition  in 2010/11  there all like " yea whatever you said this last time!" 

for a time line up to this point here's my welcome page  http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/146649-hello-everyone/#comment-1061933715 as not to repeat to much 

So now its sinking in that its not a phase , my mum a few weeks ago in mid november saw the full me and my behavior and personality change as well as how I presented very feminine for a trans event and seeing my grandpa on my mums side ,she asked my dad " it's not a phase is it, its for real?" 

shes also under pressure from my psychopath gran ( my cousin jennifer has a degree in psychology and shes like yea psycho) shes given my mum the smallest value house out of all her brothers n sisters so they will have to give her money to even it out.

 my gran did that recently , my gran when my little bro ( two years younger) jamie talked about me to gran when she asked how i'm doing with female pronouns and Emily she freaked 

and said i'll always be a boy and that i'll always be "Ewan" (dead name) and that i'm insane or deluded or something and that it's part of the " gay agenda to destroy the family , marriage and civilization!"  yea   so i'll have to go as "him" to appease her as my mum's scared she will take her off the will yea she would do that!

added to all this my mum recently told me she can't help in any way my transition , she talked to a priest and he was like you should like the body you're in

there this conflict between her beliefs and me sigh so needless to say from monday,my mum phoned and I was upset about some of the things she said ( nov 28th to nov the 30th) i was a mess hair removal legal crap sorting out then my voice therapy which i can't do because i'm still presenting 98 % of the time as a effeminate boy due to my hair removal messing up my face and having to grow the hair out  so till i'm full time I can't start talking fem .

on the 30th ( my voice therapy) was the day after my hair removal 1 hour of pain so i was dysphoric as fuck that night , i was crying that morning and my dad knocked on my door because my brother had a interview at the college in the same town , like i was sobbing and he saw me answer the door with tears down my cheeks and nagged me to get dressed ( my mum tried phoning me but my phones being iffy n whent to answer machine) so yea i was moppy as i was upset and my mums like why you moppy huh n i was like "i'm hurting" " your face ? " " no mum inside!"

so yea the state I was in when mum drop all of the above bombshells let's just say I was a emotional mess ( well kinda am till fucking boxing days over)

 

the added problem is that i'll have to explain if my demon gran wasn't there I would be myself i'm not being unserious about my transition or anything 

a silver lining is on christmas eve and christmas day, i'll be me at my dads with my bro as my mum working on christmas shock horror I know.

 

[butterflydreams]

*hug* @epiphanycakes. That's really tough.

 

I wanted to zero in on this part specifically:

12 minutes ago, epiphanycakes said:

and said i'll always be a boy and that i'll always be "Ewan" (dead name) and that i'm insane or deluded or something and that it's part of the " gay agenda to destroy the family , marriage and civilization!" 

because this is something both my parents have said to me. In fact, the last time I talked to him on the phone, my dad grilled me on "who is feeding you this crap?! Who are you talking to that's putting this shit into your head?!"

 

Just know, it's not about you. You've done nothing wrong. You're doing nothing wrong. Family, marriage and civilization have survived a ton of crap, I'm pretty sure a handful of people (and it really is just a handful) aren't going to be taking down those ancient institutions anytime soon. Nor do most of them even want to.

 

I have a new theory about this kind of stuff actually, and it's basically that when people freak out, in this particular way, it's because you're crushing their narrative. Maybe it's the narrative they had for you (their child) or maybe it's their own narrative. Either way, you're holding up a mirror to them, and they don't like that, so there's this kind of "lash out". It's random, messy and just all around unhinged. But that's because they don't know what else to do. You cannot fight them head-to-head on this. The only way to win is basically not to play. You have to outlast them. In the meantime, yes, it's painful. Very painful. So I recommend surrounding yourself with family and friends you can lean on. Make sure you have that support available, because you're going to need it. But know that you can outlast the detractors.