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Absolute lack of interest in preagnancy/maternity.


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Hi.

 

First of all, what you are experiencing is nothing unusual, many people have no interest in having children, it is just a taboo so they don't talk about it. Some people even lie to their families and friends about having e.g. uterine cancer and hysterectomy so they leave them alone.

 

Second - you cannot explain it to these people. That's their mental setting. They feel very strongly about children being the supreme good and meaning of life. Why? Because these people desperately need some objective meaning in their lives, they decided that children are their meaning of life, and they cling to this idea because accepting that there are other options would mean accepting that this meaning of life is actually not objective and that they might be *gasp* wrong! So whenever they hear something about people not sharing this idea, they attack - because they are afraid and they won't face their own insecurities.

 

No idea how to be honest and not running in these problems. People either lie (about waiting until XXX, then about health problems, then about being too late) or they just accept that some people see them as "bad" people. Personally I hate children, so I don't mind it when people think I hate children ^_^

 

My feelings about "having children" were limited (in childhood, before I kinda realized that staying childless is an option) to "when I have a child and the fucker screams the way my little sister does, I will throw it against the wall and kick it around and stomp on its face and there will be blood, blood, BLOOD everywhere" and "if my children dare to cry or whine, they will end up in ICU for six months, I will not tolerate this kind of shit". 

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On 12/12/2016 at 0:15 AM, The Frost Dragon said:

The only maternal instinct I have is for my pets and my books. I'll work all day long with a young animal, but the moment a baby is put near me, I start to panic until I can get away. They're just so... weird, and I can't believe I was ever a baby. Ugh, that's a thought I want to banish.

 

Puppies and kittens for me, thank you very much.

Same with me. I wish i had a decent job to afford a small home with a yard to have more pets. Bring them from shelters and adopt at least 3 animals. I love them and love to hug those furry little dogs and cats and those cute round eyes and noses.

But when someone shows a picture of a baby to me, its like, how can i fake a smile not to offend the person and CAN they tell i am showing a fake smile? Like, because it is SO fake!I look at babies like, same, so weird, those big heads and weird faces. If i look at my pictures as a baby, specilly soon after birth, is like "Ewww what an awful creature. cannot believe it was ME" I just dont tell it to my parents not to hurt them...

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On 09/12/2016 at 5:16 PM, Semisweet said:

I'm well past childbearing age, and know a fair number of people who chose not to become parents, so it's been a while since I've dealt with this issue. But when I was younger, my mother in particular was frequently on my case about wanting grandchildren, and the best I could ever manage with her was to change the subject, say she'd be the first to know if there were ever developments on that front, and otherwise derail the line of conversation. I learned not to tell her about any friend's pregnancy, because she'd invariably respond that she wished it were me. 

 

When other people would ask about my having kids, I'd simply reply confidently, "Oh, I'm just not cut out to be a mother," or even (in a mock self-deprecating tone) "I wouldn't inflict myself on some poor kid as their mother" or "I can barely even keep a plant alive!" That's usually all it took to stop the questioning. (It may have helped that I generally like young children, as long as they're not mine.-_- ) While it can be difficult to get close family to drop the subject, you don't owe anyone else an explanation.

Yeah i already lied about that just to get rid of them making to much questions, like "oh no, i have no stable job, i am too stressed and unstable now, i would never be good as someone's mother" But the thruth is that if i had a stable life and job that would not obviously change anything, i would be as well repulsed by maternity and childbirth and i would have a small home with pets and friends visiting. No children, please. Nope nope nope.

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Arvid of Rivendell

I don't want children either. I don't particularly hate kids or babies; every once in a blue moon, I shock myself with a display of "maternal instinct" for other people's kids. I just don't want to be responsible for my own kids (adopted or not). I've gotten some shocked reactions when I've said I don't want kids, but fortunately I've never really been pressured to give a reason why. If someone did pressure me about having children, I'd probably respond with a witty one liner or something.

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I never wanted kids and there is nothing wrong with not wanting them. At 29 I did have one though and I did not feel that bond most mothers feel. I did the best I could raising him and he did turn out well. I was not the perfect parent (not that anyone is) and I made my share of mistakes along the way. 

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