I have no idea what my sexuality is - PLEASE HELP

[kreychec]

Hello people, so I am new to this site, so please forgive any mistakes!

 

So I am a 19 year old, and know for sure that I am not straight. However I have been very confused recently about my sexuality and relation to others. Since I have intimacy issues, it is even harder for me to identify my sexuality since I am not willing to date. 

 

I am sexually attracted to men more so than women. I have been sexually attracted to a few women before, however I have also been sexually attracted to men. However my attraction to men is very much physical and not emotional. Meaning that I would sleep with men, however I would never marry or date a man. Whereas with a woman, I would sleep with one whom I like (rare since I usually get attracted to men more) and I would also date/marry a woman (emotional bond). 

 

However, whenever I watch porn, it is usually gay porn 95% of the time. Sometimes I do watch straight porn and maybe occasionally lesbian. I have no idea what my sexuality is. 

 

I was convinced that I was asexual at one point, does this sound like asexuality? 

I also thought that I was gay because I watch gay porn a lot and get attracted to men sexually. However I started getting doubts about this, because like I said, I would not date or marry a man due to not having an emotional attachment to them like I would a woman. 

 

Please help! This has been giving me really bad anxiety lately. 

 

Thank you! 

 

[Zsareph]

First off, welcome to AVEN :)

 

I'm guessing from your post that you identify as male, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

 

 It's your sexuality and so you have the final say on what you think it is, but it sounds like your sexual orientation and romantic orientation are different. Your post says you are sexually attracted to men and women and that attraction to women is rare. This doesn't sound like asexuality, which is not being sexually attracted/desiring sex with anyone. Instead it sounds like you could be bisexual or homoflexible. If you only get romantically attached to women and not men, you could be heteroromantic.

 

That's my two cents, but bear in mind that others may have a different opinion, and that we can't say for sure without being you. Ultimately what you identify as is up to you. There are plenty of terms you can look into you and I'm sure something will sound right to you. I hope you find something you feel comfortable identifying as :)

 

P.S. The kind of porn you watch doesn't necessarily say much about your sexuality. Plenty of asexuals here enjoy porn, for example.

[Star Bit]

Sexually desiring one gender more than the other is still bisexual, and being bisexual does simply mean desiring sex with both; the romance component is irrelevant. That's what sexual orientations literally mean; the prefix (hetero/homo/bi) refers to who and "sexual" refers to sex. When orientations (hetero/homo/bisexual) were made in 1892 it was obviously not known that sexual and romantic desires could be separate/different. So them alone (just hetero/homo/bisexual) are increasingly becoming inaccurate for alot of people because there is more to orientations than what was first perceived. Though if you meant being attracted to women is very very rare (and not just occasional), then if you feel Bi is inaccurate due to rarity then homoflexible can be used.

 

When sexual and romantic orientations dont match up its called a cross-orientation. Specifically, sexually desiring both but romantically desiring the opposite gender is called Heteroromantic Bisexual (unfortunately, at least currently, there's no shorter way of putting it).