Jump to content

Need advice- girlfriend seeing a man


Guine12

Recommended Posts

Hi all, probably wrong area but need advice. 

My girlfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years, we've known each other 3 years.

I'm 23 and she is 20. We brought a house together back in June and the next plan was children. We both work great jobs and what I thought was a good relationship.

 

Sure we've had arguments, we've had ups and downs but I found out on Monday she has been calling and messaging her manager from work.

Seems harmless right? He is 45 (told her mid 30s) he has a wife and children and calls his wife a fuck buddy (obviously no respect for woman) 

She has been deleting all calls messages and anything related to it. 

It started in September during this time she order IVF paperwork and all, this was her choice as she wanted to start a family and I encouraged this. 

She has always hated other woman talking to me no matter if I shut them down or not. Very insecure. I would never do anything to hurt her, I've been cheated on previously and she was aware of this and obviously is doing similar.

She swears black and blue they haven't slept together touched or any feelings. She felt she needed someone to talk to and he was there for her and in her words manipulating her into hating me for things she was doing. They recently only meet up outside of work twice, she meet his mother and sisters. Every day I leave for work she rings him or he rings her within mind.  

We had a huge argument and she denied it but I knew it was going for about 6 weeks that I knew off and I finally blew up and she still lied. I asked her to be open and honest and tell all but she keeps telling me little bits at a time, dragging me on? 

I deeply love this girl and would do anything for her but obviously it's not mutual.

He's even told her he'd like to marry her and they've spoke about what type of lingerie and how he'd like her in the shower. She apparently shut these down but I honestly can't believe her. 

 

I don't know what to do, she wants to work it out but I don't think I can ever trust her.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not liking other women talking to you is possessive. Talking about lingerie and meeting this guy's family is crossing lines.

 

It's up to you if you can handle her seeing someone else. They may not have done anything physical - yet. But, sounds like a lot more than innocent platonic friendship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Notafanofsalad

She's disrespecting you and don't fall for the "we're just friends" routine (just my opinion) because she shouldn't treat you that way.

 

I agree with Snow Owl.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thepackcracker

What I would honestly do is to go talk to this guy. He seems like the person who won't keep a secret and he might tell you what's going on. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

If your relationship was an airplane, it is time to think about your parachute.

Dunno, this is a crisis and a crossroad for you. I recommend tossing the "conjugal faith" BS over board. - I am just egoistic: I want stable appointments and don't ask too many questions about the in between.

As you describe the setting both she & her manager friend seem running against strong bungee ropes. -

Quote

We brought a house together back in June

Sounds like a hell of a mortgage +

Quote

He is 45 (told her mid 30s) he has a wife and children

Makes him look similar broke after divorce and being 46 myself I can honestly tell you: It got hard to keep up with folks in their 20s. A slower pace seems way more natural to me. Read: "He'll have to burn out & give up".

---

What is "trust" about?

In the old days there was a male interest to know it was the own offspring one is slaving for. You are not married & on AVEN. - Will child support claims hit you? - Pack a bit of money or at least credit aside to get that stuff sorted in court. Call a lawyer's office for a free quote.

 

The rest? - If I am together with somebody even I(! <-aspie...) can kind of spot how uncomfy they are. OTOH: If I love somebody I want them happy. - If the other person has "weird" needs having those fulfilled by 3rd parties might be helpful. And for crying out loud: If a 20 year old is after a certain experience, let them go, get the t-shirt and wait for them to close that file.

Lean back, wait, do financial damage control; i.e. figure out how to get out of the house purchase without a blue eye.

Look & see.

Find a right moment to make her re-think & correct

Quote

She has always hated other woman talking to me no matter if I shut them down or not. Very insecure

Yes it is a big step.

But you two have something together and should both grow confident about that value and semi ignore the rest.

Withdraw yourself from her IVF plans for a couple of years, till things are settled.

Good luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...