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Compensating?


NickTheWriter

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NickTheWriter

Sorry if this has already been thrown out here, but I'm curious if anyone feels they've had a similar situation.  

So, since identifying as ace, I've looked back over my past relationships with women.  I'm worried I may have hurt people in the past, making them uncomfortable.  I feel like I was over compensating for my lack of sexual feelings by trying to be more sexual (if that makes sense?).  Does anyone else (particularly male aces) feel like they've done this?  Or have I just genuinely been an asshole and am just now realizing this?  

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I felt exactly the same.

For me, rather than compensating, I think it happened because I didn't know when I had to be sexual. It's like, since I don't have that "instinct" I just threw sex every time I could so my partner didn't find out I was different.

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I overcompensated to the point where some people thought I was very sexual though in reality I did little outside of a few relationships. I did a lot of reading about sex so I had more information than my friends. No amount of reading could make the experience any less... weird. 

 

When I started seriously considering asexuality it was like shedding a heterosexual persona I had invented. I was always afraid of being found out as a lie, but at the same time it was how people knew me. 

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Nope, but I'm pragmatic so when something doesn't feels or seems right I quit instantly and don't look back.

 

As for hurting peeps, that happens all the time and nothing to be worried or ashamed off. We (aces of spades) are the kings of hurting folks out there because we literaly don't give a fuck about all that romantic and sexual stuff. It's who we are, in our nature, nothing we can change so folks will feel rejected by us, one was or another.

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NickTheWriter
On 12/2/2016 at 3:46 AM, Nidwin said:

Nope, but I'm pragmatic so when something doesn't feels or seems right I quit instantly and don't look back.

 

As for hurting peeps, that happens all the time and nothing to be worried or ashamed off. We (aces of spades) are the kings of hurting folks out there because we literaly don't give a fuck about all that romantic and sexual stuff. It's who we are, in our nature, nothing we can change so folks will feel rejected by us, one was or another.

While I see your point, I have to respectfully disagree.  Being ace isn't an excuse to hurt anyone, either by being too aggressive or pushing them away.  It's a reason that we can do these things, but it's not an excuse.  

 

We aren't doomed to hurt people.  I'm still friends with the people I was a jackass to and I've apologized to them since realizing I was ace.  And they've both been really supportive and understanding.  Are we romantic?  No.  Am I going to say "Well, I'm ace and they got hurt, that's just what happens"?  Of course not.  

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Yah, I've heard male asexuals can have social pressure to force themselves to be sexual.

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On 04/12/2016 at 7:52 PM, Star Bit said:

Yah, I've heard male asexuals can have social pressure to force themselves to be sexual.

 

Yeah i know stories about. I know a guy who have been through it. It happens a lot in groups of young guys as well. The worst is that some of them, misinformed (because asexuality is still quite invisible and so many people dont know it exists), so these guys suffer thinking they are impotent or frigid, when in fact they are asexual. Social pressure is really serious, sadly.

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