__________ Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 - Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Why would you ask out someone who is aromantic? It's also rather likely that she did answer you... by not answering you. You know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 As an aro ace, if I told you before and I been asked out by you, I would remind you that I'm an aro ace. If I gave you hints I'm not interested, be prepared for the lack of answer. If I did not told you I am an aro ace, I would say no were if you were to ask me out. Also, I would really hate it if you touch my skin, and that might another reason she didn't answer. Plus your friend isn't really a friend if he setting you up for failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Skullery, I'll answer your question, rather than the OP's here. As an aromantic asexual I'd still like someone who is more than a "best friend", possibly a glorified flatmate, but a companion to go to events with, share a dinner with, rather than cooking alone, just someone to talk to in the evening. An aro-ace would be the ideal person as we both know that it's sharing lives with separate bedrooms. I know that "love" doesn't exist in my brain, but companionship dose Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 4 minutes ago, Sleighcaptain said: Skullery, I'll answer your question, rather than the OP's here. As an aromantic asexual I'd still like someone who is more than a "best friend", possibly a glorified flatmate, but a companion to go to events with, share a dinner with, rather than cooking alone, just someone to talk to in the evening. An aro-ace would be the ideal person as we both know that it's sharing lives with separate bedrooms. I know that "love" doesn't exist in my brain, but companionship dose Sure, two aro aces in a friendly living arrangement is one thing, but a romantic person who is in love with you? That sounds like a disaster for both people, unless I'm missing something. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 @MarvelGeek I guess if you're going to make a complete fool out of yourself asking somebody out (and most people go through this in life, so don't think it reflects anything poorly on you - it's just being human) it might be better if it's an aro. But much like most people, you'll probably have more of these terribly awkward experiences in the future. As is life. @Skullery Maid I would think that's a disaster if I were in that situation, though I've become quite good at telling people they should stop falling in love with me. Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Yeah, I have to back up Reptillian on this. As an aro-ace, I would be extremely uncomfortable with being asked out, being touched, the whole nine yards (especially in front of other people). I do get where you're coming from though and I feel for you @MarvelGeek, because that's not fun on your end. You might want to take this person aside, just you two, and explain your interest in her. Also, take the time to explain that you weren't laughing at her. That way, you won't be in public and she can talk to you on a confidential level. Link to post Share on other sites
__________ Posted November 30, 2016 Author Share Posted November 30, 2016 On November 30, 2016 at 5:48 PM, Skullery Maid said: Link to post Share on other sites
__________ Posted December 1, 2016 Author Share Posted December 1, 2016 On November 30, 2016 at 6:41 PM, fuzzipueo said: Link to post Share on other sites
Joe the Stoic Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 @MarvelGeek, how old are you? I feel like asking someone out as a joke to test the waters is something that a high schooler would do, not an adult, especially not an adult with their best friend. I mean, if they are your best friend, what waters do you need to test? Can't you just be frank and direct with them? I met this one dude playing Pokemon Go over the summer who's gay. I let him know pretty quickly that I was not interested in dating men. He nonetheless decided to "test the waters" by throwing himself at me, trying to get me to get dinner with him, and telling other people behind my back that we had been on a date, all while accepting that we're just friends to my face. I have to say, I am not a fan of using trickery to make a relationship happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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Manticone Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I'm as ace as they come. and also really, really sure I am aro. My ideal relationship, as such, would be sort of John/Sherlock-esque friendship. Not sexual, not even romantic by typical standards. Just extremely close. If you are not aro, and this girl is aware of it (and has already told you she is both ace and aro), you may have made her feel a little uncomfortable. She probably told you so that she'd be clear in the fact that she's not looking to date, as such, anyone. If you are interested in being her friend, and friend alone, tell her. Communicate with her. But I think being aro is in many ways as potentially scary as being ace in a largely non-ace world. You are not interested in certain things, certain relationships, that everyone (or mostly everyone) seems to want. I am incredibly close to my friends. They mean the world to me, and even so...only a few know I am ace, because it's often not received well. That said, this girl TOLD you her orientation and her aro status, so she might be feeling a little trapped if you've basically gone up to her and asked to date her. It's a bit like ignoring her words. It would be akin to if I was sexual, liked a guy, and asked him to date me - after he told me he was gay. Being his friend? sure. But putting him in a position to have to tell me again that he's gay? When he's already told me and he already knows I heard him, and then asking him out, in a romantic way, as if he could reciprocate? That's stressful. I wouldn't call it an epic fail if I was inclined towards romantic gestures and offered one to a person I thought was cool, but knew was aro, and they 'turned' me down. That's totally expected. You are not being turned down because you're you, but because you are not aro, and she is... You need to respect that, and if you want to be a close friend because you really want to be her friend, sans romantic gestures, you need to communicate this. It's not dating, then. It's hanging out, and you have to be forthright. Link to post Share on other sites
Manticone Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 P.S. I am not trying to be rude or harsh or anything else. I have been clear and upfront with guy friends in the past, who say they understand, but then think they can 'wear me down.' In one instance, in Uni, it turned emotionally abusive and so I am quite sensitive to the situation. I am not saying you don't respect this girl...only that the situation is probably really difficult for her, esp. if she already considers you a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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Philip027 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I hope this is someone that you can reasonably expect to know what the term means, because before I encountered AVEN if someone had asked me to be their "zucchini" I would have looked at them like they were from another planet. Link to post Share on other sites
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Philip027 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I don't get what's sexual about it, but I'd mainly just be wondering why someone would be referring to me as their vegetable. If there's any sort of fruit/vegetable item with a reputation for sexual imagery I'm pretty sure that would have to go to the banana. Link to post Share on other sites
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