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Definition of Demi


AcesAndChill

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Okay, so I'm really pissed off right now. I was just scrolling through my Facebook feed when all of a sudden, a picture popped up that was the definition of demisexuality. I was like "Oooh, yay! Ace group posts!" but I was wrong, it wasn't. It was in a group for introverts. So again, I got excited, thinking there was some representation online, but then I saw the title of the post. It basically said "is anyone else like this?"
So I thought "why would they think that there would be tons of demis in the introvert group? Statistically, it would probably be only around 1% of the users here to be generous."
But then I opened the comment section...

VIRTUALLY EVERY PERSON WAS SAYING THEY WERE DEMISEXUAL. (I could tell that one or two commenters were most likely actually demi, though, including the OP because they liked my comment explaining demisexuality. But most of them were ignorant people.)
I even saw one comment that was basically saying "I guess I am because I don't enjoy one night stands and wouldn't dream of cheating in a relationship."

Like, is the definition too vague or are people too uneducated to realize that sexual attraction does not mean you enjoy the sex? Why is it that when everyone sees the definition of demisexual, they just see "someone who wants to be in a committed relationship before having sex"? I think the definition is pretty clear, but I guess it isn't clear enough if so many people think they are demisexual because they wanna date before they have sex...

All I can do in regards to that post is explain to people what demisexuality ACTUALLY means, which I did and I'm now awaiting replies to help explain it to more people, but I'm so tired of people misunderstanding the definition of demisexual. What is so confusing about it that this type of stuff will happen?!
 

~Kabe

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scarletlatitude

A lot of people do confuse sexual actions with sexual attraction. I'm not sure how to make them see the difference. I haven't found a way yet. 

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Given that "sexual attraction" is a meaningless concept, can you really fault them? Literally no one knows what sexual attraction is, and if it's what asexuals describe it as, then I've never in my life experienced sexual attraction despite being a raging sexual.

Also, I think many, many people are demisexual. Off the cuff, I'd say that at least 30% of people are demi.

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The main difference as I see it is basically this:

Some allosexuals: "That person is hot, I'd be interested in casual sex."

Other allosexuals (the people the OP is talking about): "That person is hot but I'd prefer to get to know them before having sex. If it turns out I don't like them as a person that could be a turn-off." (As an aside, I could see an argument for considering this category as "grey-allo" but I don't really think it's worth distinguishing.)

Demisexual: "I am literally asexual until after getting to know somebody and it could take months to years of a relationship to find them attractive."

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WhenSummersGone

Ya it bothers me that some see it as a choice or preference rather than only experiencing sexual attraction/desire after a bond (in some cases). I'm pretty sure I didn't enjoy casual sex because it's "gross" or anything, I didn't enjoy it because I don't have an innate desire for sex.

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