Sexual projecting? mirroring? disassociation?

[henpen82]

 

Ok this is pretty hard to explain - but Ive always been like it. I have to explain that I am a gay guy, and why its something Ive only just realised isn't what others do.

Basically when I'm attracted to someone romantically/sexually I kind of want to be WITH THEM and actually BE THEM! 

obviously if I was straight I would have noticed something odd years ago because if I found I wanted to actually BE woman I was attracted to - I'd be concerned and take notice due to the cross gendering

 

But Ive always assumed it was part of the gay experience and don't know whether its healthy! Ive read up about dissassociative disorders etc and that doesn't fit me 

 

However I do think my personality is formed of bits and pieces of other people! I don't know the real me- and yet I think that IS the real me! Theres only one personalty not two or more - its just that one personality feels like a content act! 

 

When I was younger and! first discovered porn and sexual fantasy. i used to fantasize about being IN the body of the guys i watching, it was a turn on to have their bodies and to experience the sensations they were! 

 

Basically its made relationships difficult - because I don't have a sexual 'self' - I would have to channel a persona to enjoy sex from the memory bank! 

If I am me - I'm a made up me - I change my history etc. 

 

Does anyone know what Im talking about?

 

 

 

[m4rble]

It's not uncommon to imagine yourself experiencing what the person on the screen is experiencing while watching porn. I'm not sure about the rest of it. 

[Guest]

Yeah, for me it's with men in particular... most of the porn i watch is dudes because I have a very hard time reaching orgasm without putting myself in the position of a guy ejaculating. Whether that's normal or not I don't know, but I don't think it's particularly abnormal. As far as mirroring... that's kinda how sex works, yes. You get aroused by their arousal, they get aroused by yours, and it keeps ratcheting up higher and higher, both people feeding off the other's pleasure. That's a huge reason why many sexuals have trouble with their asexual partners, even if they're willing to compromise. If someone isn't climbing the mutual pleasure feedback ladder with you, it's hard to get higher than a couple rungs.

[Snao Cone]

This isn't completely weird, as many people imagine themselves in other roles. If it gets in the way of you enjoying sex or enjoying relationships, it might be worth working through in therapy.

[willisconfused]

I can totally relate to much of what you've shared. I have always imagined myself as being someone else during past sexual relationships. I have zero romantic feelings but do occasionally find others attractive in a sexual sense. I don't really think about being with them as much as I imagine myself watching or being them in a sexual situation. The thought of actually being in a sexual relationship doesn't appeal to me. I am perfectly fine being alone with my fantasy and self pleasuring maybe once a week. I've always had a low sex drive. I am still accepting and finding my own identity and trying not to obsess about any specific label. I don't seem to fit nicely into any category on the ace/aro spectrum. 

[zulawski]

This is a textbook description of autoandrophilia, which is the sexual orientation of being aroused at the thought of oneself as a male, typically a hypermasculine male. It's extremely underresearched. The straight male equivalent, autogynephilia (guys aroused at the idea of becoming a woman) is more common and better-known but also relatively underresearched. It stands to reason that if straight men can be autogynephilic, gay men can be autoandrophilic.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19093196

http://alicedreger.com/autogyn