finicky feminist Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 <p> have never been in a relationship before and I am an 18 yr old virgin.Well in my part of the world sex is taboo so being a virgin until you don't get married is pretty normal.I do identify myself as an asexual.Because I have never ever ever felt sexual attraction.I have never felt a desire to have sex with someone.Infact my friend made me watch the video of a guy she thought was hot and shipped me with ,working out shirtless and I felt nothing.I have had crushes but they were based on their personality traits which attracted me.What sonetimes makes me question my asexuality though is the feeling that I would like to have sex with someone I really love.Because I think understand that couples can reach a whole new level of intimacy with sex.But like I said I never experience sexual attraction and I have never had any sexual needs.Also my worst nightmare is my parents setting me off on an arranged marriage and a stranger having sex with me on my wedding night. I AM ASEXUAL RIGHT?Like my friend suggested it may be because I have never been in a relationship.But that is the stupidest thing I have heard.Also I searched up on demisexuality and I thought maybe I am that except I cant tell yet because I haven't been in a relationship. </p> Quote Link to post Share on other sites
fatal flower-boy Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 Hello! Welcome to AVEN! .'*` \(`o` )/ `*'. It can be hard to really figure out who you are, especially if you've never been in a relationship because you kind of don't know what it feels like. But many asexuals and aromantics just know without even being in a relationship or engaging in sexual relations (Like myself. c:). But you don't seem quite sure, huh? You did say that you could imagine yourself in a sexual relationship with someone you really love, and I do believe that is being demisexual. Since you seem unsure, and I can only give you a guess, perhaps the best way is to just experience it yourself. Don't rush it, though, and don't do anything you don't want to do. Find someone who you really love, and see where it goes from there. If it turns out that you may hate sex even with some you really truly love, you're most likely asexual. I'm not so good on this topic, so I hope someone else gives you a better answer. Good luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AsexualMemeTrash Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 I've only figured it out recently. You can be asexual and have/enjoy sex, asexual is just the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. People can be in relationships without sex. I hope this helped and I hope you find yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DemiMarie Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 Hi! I'm kind of in the same boat as you are. I'm also an 18 year old virgin and I've never experienced any sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. The idea of sex doesn't really appeal to me, but, just like you said, I think I might be interested if I found someone I really like. I have been identifing as demiromantic and demisexual for a year now, eventhough I have never had the attraction or any type of relationship. I've chosen my label based on what I know about myself and not on my experiences. It's also totally okay to change your label if you find out it doesn't fit! Eventhoug I'm identifying with the demi-labels, I still feel like I can turn out to be an aromantic asexual in the future. You don't have to choose a label and you also don't have to see a label as a rigid defining thing! I hope this sort of helped! If you feel like you are asexual an belong in the community, welcome! You can always call yourself "a-sepc" (like belonging somewhere in the asexual spectrum but don't know where) that's what I used to do before I labeled myself. I hope you find your identity soon! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*kit* Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Only you can identify your orientation, but since you're asking for opinions, your description sounds as if you may be asexual. I have friends who are very happy in arranged marriages but while their families brought them together with hopes of arranging a marriage, they were given opportunities to get to know each other and see if they thought they would be compatible before agreeing to marry. They had the ability to say yes or no. The assumption was that marriage would include sex, though not necessarily on the wedding night. If you are asexual it may be very challenging to figure out whether sexual compromise will work for you if you don't have the opportunity to date and safely experiment with some one for whom you at least feel romantic attraction. Sexual compatibility is an important consideration and if you can't safely discuss your orientation or your concerns with a potential fiance, it's not fair to either of you to agree to a marriage. On 11/26/2016 at 9:13 PM, AAQsheikh said: Also my worst nightmare is my parents setting me off on an arranged marriage and a stranger having sex with me on my wedding night. My sincere apologies if I'm overreacting or misinterpreting your post, but I'm really concerned about the statement above as it sounds as if you are afraid your family will arrange a forced marriage and you will be subjected to marital rape on the wedding night. Forced marriage is illegal in many countries and is of course traumatic even for people who aren't asexual. I hope this is an irrational fear and not a real possibility, but if there is any chance this could be done to you, I hope you have family, friends or an organization that will offer you refuge if you need it and I think it is very important to consider an escape strategy. I don't know where you live, but http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/helpline/ in the UK has a good reputation for arranging shelter for women threatened with or already subjected to forced marriage or honor abuse. I hope that this is completely unnecessary information, and my apologies if I jumped to the wrong conclusion. Excerpted from their web site below: ...We listen to you without judgement, and in confidence. This means we will not talk to anyone you do not wish us to talk to, such as family, friends or anyone else...It does not matter if you’re 13 or 30, male or female. Whatever your age, sexuality and circumstances, we will listen and help...If you leave a voice message on the helpline – 0800 5999 247 –, please specify a safe time for us to call back. If you are unable to call us, you can email the helpline team on info@karmanirvana.org.uk Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Sexual people desire sex for many reasons; not just sexual attraction. Specifically, it can be desired for sexual or emotional pleasure. So if you desire sex for the bond it creates thats still desiring sex and not asexual. If you've never made out/had foreplay you may end up having responsive sexual desire like half of the population; where they need foreplay or arousal to trigger their desire for sex. So no, your friend saying it may be because you've never been in a relationship isnt stupid. Demisexual is due to a bond after an unusual amount of time; it can be due to a platonic bond or a romantic one, so never being in a relationship wont nececerily effect this, but there is no way to tell someone is demisexual before it simply happens. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
finicky feminist Posted December 8, 2016 Author Share Posted December 8, 2016 Thank you very much kit no I donot fear a forced marriage and my parents are pretty chill but I do worry that I will be under the pressure of getting married once I m older. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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