What do you do when a good friend that you've already rejected keeps flirting with you?

[Thepackcracker]

So there is this girl who asked me out about a year ago, and I politely rejected her. We were good friends and after a couple days we talked with each other and everything was normal again. After that she started dating someone but they separated after a couple weeks. Since then I've noticed she's been acting weird at some times, and I think it's flirting? For example I would text something and she would text back with a heart emoji and "correct it" with another emoji. Also, she's super agreeable. I would share my opinion on something and she wouldn't disagree with me ever. What really scared me is that she cleverly tricked me into go to dinner with her recently and I was super uncomfortable. I really want this to stop but I'm way too passive to tell her to stop. A few hours ago my friend showed my a text conversation with her and the texts proved that she still had a crush on me. It also said that at some points she wanted to kiss me. I freaked out. I don't understand these feelings and I'm panicking. How can I be friends with someone that wants to kiss me? I think it's absurd! It also makes me wonder if we really are friends, or if she just wants to be close to me. I guess what I'm really asking is how do I stop this without hurting anyone?

 

God, I hate middle school.

[fatal flower-boy]

Hello!

I can relate to this! I've had friends in the past who have shown interest in me not directly, but they would do/say things that would insinuate it. Recently, someone who I just met tried to flirt with me and I wasn't having it. In both situations, I was definitely freaked out and for some reason I get offended by this. Like, why are you bothering me? xD What I did in my situation was ignore their innuendos and divert the conversations to other things, or make sure to not seem interested in what they were doing. Eventually, they got the point that I wasn't interested in whatever they were trying to throw at me. 

Perhaps if you don't show interest, she'll see this, and back off. You say you're passive, but if this is really making you uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to stand by and tolerate it. Tell her that the things that she does make you feel uncomfortable and that she should stop. If she really is your friend, she should understand this.  It really is weird to be friends with someone who likes you more than friends, while you only want a platonic relationship with them. Don't panic though, okay? Good luck! I hope for the best. \(`o`  )

[Thepackcracker]

Thank you so much for replying it means a lot to me!!

[Lixt]

- The no 2nd chance option: cut her out. She's refusing to respect a boundary, that's not being a friend. If she can't move on, distance may be needed anyway.

- The 2nd chance option: make yourself clear that your previous rejection was final, if she still doesn't accept it see option 1. She's not about to get what she wants, so a bit of hurt feelings is going to happen anyway, at this point it's only about making it quick or not.

[Thepackcracker]

Okay thank you!

[gisiebob]

wow a dinner date in middle school? lol thats not actually important. I don't think there's a good way to explain what will and will not be important to future you, that's just how this age you are moving into works. as for actual advice: I find tactical apathy to be a great pairing with pasitivity.  while you should respect and communicate your own social boundaries, ask yourself if you really care about this person's desire, or lack thereof, for you? assuming they play by the rules of course.

 

 

[Kaerlyllin]

I say just be firm with her. Make sure to present your boundaries clearly, and if she continues to disrespect the fact that you're not interested, maybe try giving your friendship a short break? The whatever-it-is that she's feeling should probably wear off. I think. I guess it depends on how close you two currently are. If she's an acquaintance or a not so close friend, then the direction you take will likely be different to if you've been besties since primary school. I'm afraid I can't offer any more advice, as I've never been good at advice - it's just I've been in a similar (albeit perhaps more extreme) situation and it didn't end well for me. Which isn't to say it won't end well for you. Far from it! Maybe your friendship will become (platonically) stronger for it. :)

[Zash]

Also, if you can, perhaps try to help her find someone else to date?  It's something a friend would do, especially a friend with no romantic or sexual interest in her.

[WhenSummersGone]

Cut her out of your life for a break. Try 6 months to a year. I didn't have this problem but I was the problem and taking a break from my crush has helped me. It was for the best I didn't see my crush and get hurt or make my crush uncomfortable. The friendship didn't work in my case but it could be different for you.

[Star Bit]

I agree; she obviously cant move on from the crush so you kinda have to make her get over it by at least temporarily breaking up as friends. I know it sounds harsh, but for some people its the only way they can get over a crush. That is, if making your feelings more explicit a second time doesnt help.

[Thepackcracker]

On 11/28/2016 at 10:52 PM, WhenSummersGone said:

Cut her out of your life for a break. Try 6 months to a year. I didn't have this problem but I was the problem and taking a break from my crush has helped me. It was for the best I didn't see my crush and get hurt or make my crush uncomfortable. The friendship didn't work in my case but it could be different for you.

It's really hard to do that because we both perform in the same musicals. 

[Thepackcracker]

On 11/28/2016 at 2:14 AM, Zash said:

Also, if you can, perhaps try to help her find someone else to date?  It's something a friend would do, especially a friend with no romantic or sexual interest in her.

I tried to do that but she dumped him after a week. 

[WhenSummersGone]

On December 6, 2016 at 3:43 AM, Thepackcracker said:

It's really hard to do that because we both perform in the same musicals. 

 

Have you tried talking to the teacher or whoever about the situation? Maybe they can help or give you some advice.