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Do dating sites work?


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I've been single for a few years and hankering for romance lately.  Do dating sites actually help people form meaningful connections?  I've never had much luck with them.

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scarletlatitude

I haven't either. 

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butterflydreams

Me neither. I've found people on them to be incredibly shallow overall. A few gems hardly make it worthwhile though.

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WhenSummersGone

I've had bad luck with them. I got dates but for most of them nothing happened beyond that first date. I'm shy so I use them but I don't expect much.

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SorryNotSorry

No.

They're money-making machines for the people who run them.

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NerotheReaper

I have met some decent people on there, but no one I have really connected with. (If I do connect with someone, then that is a miracle) but a lot of them are like "you aren't looking for sex. bye loser"  

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25 minutes ago, NerotheReaper said:

I have met some decent people on there, but no one I have really connected with. (If I do connect with someone, then that is a miracle) but a lot of them are like "you aren't looking for sex. bye loser"  

This is the kind of person I'm used to getting on dating sites.  It's disheartening.

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They work for the purpose they were created. I know several people who met through dating sites. I think your question is do they work for asexuals. That is a no. No one goes to a dating site looking for a partner not to have sex with.

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SorryNotSorry
2 hours ago, NerotheReaper said:

I have met some decent people on there, but no one I have really connected with. (If I do connect with someone, then that is a miracle) but a lot of them are like "you aren't looking for sex. bye loser"  

Think it sucks being rejected like that online? Try enduring it in person!

It doesn't bother me nowadays anymore, because I understand that asexuals, we're not playing the game according to sexuals' rules---you know, the unwritten ones everyone is supposed to know.

As far as I know, for many sexuals the thrill is in the pursuit, not just the endorphin hit which passes for the reward. Ergo, we "lost" because we didn't want to play that game to begin with. 

What most sexuals never seem to understand is that as asexuals, it's not that we can't love, it's that we love differently from sexuals. 

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Sunflowerfield

I've made some great friends through online dating websites, but never found a serious long-term relationship. I can imagine it would be harder if you're ace, though. Thankfully websites like OkCupid allow people to choose "asexual" as an orientation on there.

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I have a few sexual friends who seem to have good luck, but most don't.

Most of my experience with dating sites has been mediocre at best. I don't like the idea of meeting people with a preconceived idea of how things should go. Maybe I will like this person and I'll make a friend, maybe more, or maybe I won't like them at all. All OK possibilities.

I took a very long break when I figured out I was ace. I was on OKC for a short time as an experiment and met someone, and it's going well so far.

I found listing myself as asexual was repellent to genuine interest. Two days as "straight" and I got a lot more messages that weren't generic. The guy I'm seeing now said he didn't notice at first, then asked me about asexuality within the first ten minutes of our first phone conversation. So we got that out of the way! :cake:

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I met my partner (together 7 years) on the dating site asexualitic. I admit it was a tremendous stroke of luck though, as that site wasn't exactly super active. It was, however, absolutely free. So I'm not promoting anything for financial gain here! :laugh: In fact, I don't even know if the site is still around.

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Crealityisabeast

I know this one is pretty specific, but has anyone tried Her? I know that some of the accounts are paid for but one option is free. 

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EggplantWitch

I couldn't tell you what other sites are like, but I've been on OKC for a while and found it to be a generally pleasant experience. I love the fact you can put down more than one sexuality e.g. I'm down as Asexual and Straight, which while not 100% accurate is not bad for a dating site. There's an option (possibly only available to subscribers, but I think it's free?) to block all messages from people below a certain match percentage and while I'm sure I might have missed out on one or two nice guys it's meant I've only encountered 1 sex-obsessed weirdo out of the dozens of guys I've chatted to, so I definitely recommend that. I've not made any 'meaningful connections' so far but I've had several rather nice conversations with guys from all over the world and I think that's a success considering I'm socially anxious as hell. There's still the occassional sinking feeling of 'oh god, sex really is something other people want, almost all the time' but unfortunately that's life :P

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Yes! (but...)

I tried newspaper adds before I went online with way(!) less success, ended being formally engaged due to 1 site, and proposing to an OKcupid crush too and am out of business now.

Putting things into perspective: Dating sites are online marketing platforms. You sell yourself there, or you don't. - They do close to nothing (usually). The ones I used were free.

There are TED-talk videos about online dating all over Youtube. I am pretty sure one of them will be helpful for you.

Suggestions:

  1. Have some effort put into your pictures.
  2. Put even more effort into your profile writing. - TBH: I got the assistance of a marketing professional buddy; he briefed me, proof read & approved.
  3. Remain realistic &  grow a thick skin.
  4. Reply if somebody might be worth it. If it takes you 72h to do so write a believable apology.
  5. Don't take things overly serious; arrange dates you'll recall as a nice evening although you'll forget the partner's name and won't stay in touch.

Elaborating:

  1. Yes, there are cute and IMHO appealing selfie queens on AVEN, but still: if you can find a makeshift shutterbug with a rotten 6 MP DSLR to shoot you in decent light, it might look more flattering, especially if you take the time to postprocess your images. - I am not talking about plastic surgery level retouching but healthy skintones didn't grow on trees when those cameras hit the market...
  2. A profile should be positive, understandable, unique, attractive. - I here don't get into the mood to write one every week. I also got feedback that I am not always easy to understand. - That's why I am suggesting benevolent proof readers.
  3. The Nigerian scam princess will answer you with a generic text. / It might take achievements, even more extraordinary than yours, to bridge certain age and attractiveness gaps... / The invention of the Internet didn't suddenly teach people to read, spell properly or understand complicated words like "no", stay sober or grow something like manners.
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I met my current partner (of almost three years) on OKC, so, yes, it worked for me. Will it work for everyone? Probably not, especially if someone already holds the belief that dating sites don't work. I highly recommend this article for anyone interested in using dating sites as an option. 

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Before I realised I was ace, I tried a few. Apart from one utterly horrendous experience, pretty much everyone I spoke to on the site and met in person was lovely. I did have a relationship with one of them as well, and even though it didn't work out, we stayed in touch as just friends. So while I can't say it was amazingly successful for my love life, I made a few friends at least.

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On 11/25/2016 at 2:01 PM, Crealityisabeast said:

I know this one is pretty specific, but has anyone tried Her? I know that some of the accounts are paid for but one option is free. 

I've tried Her and still have it but it's really not much different from any other dating site or app. I've met some cool people on it but, for the most part, it seems like it's just people looking to hook up. It doesn't help that I just moved to a smaller city and there's next to nobody in my area haha.

I think no matter which dating site, it's all based on luck and not giving up.

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SorryNotSorry
On November 28, 2016 at 11:42 PM, CBC said:

I would assume the answer is, logically, quite obvious. Yes, they work for some people; they wouldn't exist otherwise. Most dating sites are for profit. They're business ventures, and if they don't effectively make money, they shut down. Some of the most well-known dating sites are worth millions, so obviously they're doing well. Of course I know that making money doesn't mean everyone using them is finding partners, but if no one ever did, if the concept didn't effectively tap into the way we connect as human beings and thus result in many success stories, there'd be no market for them.

 

The answer is not that straightforward.

 

Look at a company like InterActive Corp, which owns a bunch of dating sites... assuming you can believe the news on the web, which for the last 4 years or so, says online dating is in decline... if this is true, then IAC can be likened to General Motors during the Depression, by keeping its Cadillac division afloat with revenue from its Chevrolet, Buick, and Oldsmobile divisions. IAC's dating sites may well be its Cadillac division, but even if they're hemorrhaging red ink, do you really think IAC would admit it? Hell no. They want to save face.

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Nailgun-mishap

For me, no. I prefer to meet guys IRL instead of online, it's worked out much better for me.

 

Did I see some guys who piqued my interest? Absolutely. But I found a lot of guys on OK Cupid and POF tended to be rather bland personality wise. You know, the dreaded "LOL I suck at summaries" or "If you want to know about me just ask." I'm like, why the hell should I message you if you give me zero indication of what your personality is like? Give me something to work with. 

 

Also, I often messaged first. Guys seemed kind of intimidated by that.

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Sunflowerfield

I occasionally block people on OkCupid if they get too creepy or become rude, trolling and argumentative.

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