Older people and labels

[Snao Cone]

How many people here who are over 30 are keen on exploring the wider range of labels and classifications of sexuality and romanticism? How many of you go beyond hetero/homo/bi/pan/asexual or -romantic?

I think where a lot of this label enthusiasm comes from is a youthful hobby of exploring language and coming up with new words. I did a lot of that in my younger years, but now in my 30s it seems like such an effort to make A Thing out of it. I don't want to explain to other people what anything beyond asexuality and romantic orientation mean, at least not in a conversational setting.

[Homer]

The older you get, the more you settle in, the less you need a label to "define" yourself.

I know this feeling from work, where the weirdest things can happen. When I started working, I was like "Why is this happening? What does it mean? Is it going to affect me? Am I even causing anything of this? Halp!" Now, something weird happens and I just acknowledge it. It's either "okay" or "okay *sigh*"

I also don't get why people are so keen to put a label on themselves. I have explained my feelings and actions (or the lack thereof) quite a few times in the past and I got my point across even though there wasn't really THE TERM for it. Labels are overrated (unless you run a homepage that operates with #'s or the like.)

[Hardly any]

I'm not >30 but I'm nearing it at an alarming pace. Labels are comforting if you're uncomfortable with yourself and want assurance that you're ok and others are like you. But I don't see how coming up with a brand new label for yourself is at all helpful in that way. It's some kind of "scientific" categorization overanalysis thing, I think.

[fuzzipueo]

Before I started coming to AVEN, I never had a label to put on my feelings, or lack of interest in sex, etc. I admit to getting caught up a bit (I was 39) at the time, but now, I see the proliferation of words, most of which don't make sense to me (others probably do find them helpful), so I don't play with those terms. I do find a small subset very helpful in navigating most discussions here and at other sites on the interwebs, but that's about it.

I have any number of labels that I work with, none of which have anything to do with my orientation, so, they're part of my daily landscape, but beyond that? I just am who I am and have been for a long time now. I'm content. :)

[Guest]

42 here...

There are a small few of the more basic ones I do consider useful (like lith- and demi-). But most of the more recent Tumblr-born labels just make me throw my hands up in frustration.

[Sisky]

What Mysticus said.

I'm 30 and I still do enjoy making up words, but the absurdly specific ones that try to cover every tine little aspect (even if it doesn't have anything to do with what you're trying to label in the first place) are really getting out of hand. I guess the older you get, the better you get at separating important information from insignificant details when it comes to explaining things to others, and they're not quite there yet.

I also wonder if this is going to do more harm than good in the long run - if I put myself into the shoes of a person who is not familiar with LGBT+ issues and all that, I can definitely imagine that some people see those labels, think "what a bunch of idiots" and be done with it.

[Guest]

I kind of feeI this comes more from a TumbIr-esque obsession with standing out, finding unique things about yourseIf (weII, you think they're unique) and a desire to emphasis those things, name them, then have to expIain them to peopIe (who unIess they are aIso IabeI-obsessed wiII most IikeIy be thinking ''er.... isn't that just a normaI person?'') ..Sorry, this sounded quite harsh, but that's just how I observe it :P AIso, I'm not 30, I'm 28.. But I can stiII see the difference between a normaI, muIti-faceted person, and a normaI muIti-faceted person who wants a speciaI IabeI for every separate facet of their personaIity so they can feeI Iike they stand out.

[Scottthespy]

As others have mentioned, labels can be helpful in creating a feeling of togetherness and society, making us feel comfortable in what we are and that others are like us. Wider labels like 'asexual' that define a group that is not the majority but large enough to be a community give a nice feeling of being supported. Humans are, after all, mostly social creatures.

That being said, there is definitely also a desire to define ourselves, make ourselves stick out from the crowd. These ultra precise labels that go beyond a sense of community (and in many cases beyond any sense at all) seem to come from a strange desire to have a word for every aspect of ones self, without taking into consideration that the meaning of a label is lost if 1) no one understands it and 2) the group is so small as to only include ones self.

And interesting example I came across recently was with the vegetarian-vegan spectrum...because apparently this too, is a spectrum. I was describing myself as 'vegetarian, with no egg or gelatin and only Canadian dairy". Turns out there's a term for that. Lacto-vegetarian. Eating dairy but not the other things. That's strangely specific to need a label for...but wait, we can go further! I also eat honey, so I'm a Mel-Lacto-Vegetarian. Ah ah! But its only Canadian dairy, so its Mel-Canuk-Lacto-Vegetarian and...and now we have lost all semblance of usefulness and logic in the use of this term. "Vegetarian who doesn't eat eggs or gelatin and only eats Canadian dairy" is a bit of a mouthful, but it explains what the heck I'm talking about a lot better.

It is my own personal opinion, and no matter of objective fact, that a label looses its usefulness when it needs to be defined by the term you were using the label to avoid to get any one to recognize what you're saying, or when the 'in' group created by the label is so small as to provide no sense of community or support. At this point, what you have is, and I realize this term is highly unappreciated here so I reiterate that this is simply my own opinion, a 'special snowflake' label. One created to allow a person to feel like they're 'in', but at the same time define themselves from the rest of the 'in' crowd.

[Ashmedai]

I think that the simpler, the better in this case. There doesn't need to be a stupidly long list of ridiculous labels for every tiny little insignificant thing. There also seems to be some people who give labels way too much flexibility as well. I usually can't take people who have an identity label that's as long as my arm, and/or is way too flexible with their meanings seriously.

I'm only 27, so I'm starting to wonder if this is a thing that tends to happen before 30 or not.

[cavalier080854]

I'm 62 and I'm fed up with labels. This is definitely a youth thing, and definitely a college/uni thing. Unfortunately the PC brigade are there to make life a misery for the world. Lets do away with gendered words (man, male, woman, female). I don't like being called or have on a birth certificate that I am a person. This is madness. The endless destruction of the English language to appease a minority. And the endless addition of new words and labels to distinquish ever smaller differences. Look at us here at Aven, there is are lot of polls about redefining asexuality and a number of other terms. How many of these people are going to look back and say "What was I thinking?". Unfortunately there will be others to continue the madness. :mad: I'm happy and content to be an aromantic/asexual man. :) I don't want to change just to please someone else who feel it does not properly describe exactly what they feel. :(

Rant over. I'm having a beer to chill out at 0833am on a Sunday.

[AliceinWunderland]

Young people love exploring and pushing the boundaries of language just as we did when we were younger. Personally, I don't like all the complex terms because how does this stuff matter to anyone other than the individual? The asexual community struggles to get taken seriously by sexual people as it is, all the weird terms make it seem like a joke imho. I just identify as asexual because most people don't care what 'flavour' of asexual I am and only certain people would need to know.

[- - -]

these labels are a teenage tumblr special snowflake fad, hopefully they will grow out of it and realise this is why nobody ever takes them seriously. its making other people look bad

i feel bad about people coming here looking for answers and seeing all this rubbish which probably confuses them even more

[timewarp]

Definitions can be useful in the context of a specific research topic and are usually not meant to be used outside that very specific context.

I also understand the way labels are used in the gay community - top, bottom, versatile - because it simplifies things.

In that sense, the only labels I find useful for practical reasons are romantic and aromantic. Those are enough to give others a very rough idea and I'm confident we can assume that everybody is aware of all possible shades in between. No need to label each and every one of them (which would be a rather hopeless task in my opinion, because the grey area is probably infinite). Those who want to describe themselves in more detail can do it in plain language, that saves me hours of time wasted on Google.

[Snao Cone]

I'm 62 and I'm fed up with labels. This is definitely a youth thing, and definitely a college/uni thing. Unfortunately the PC brigade are there to make life a misery for the world. Lets do away with gendered words (man, male, woman, female). I don't like being called or have on a birth certificate that I am a person. This is madness. The endless destruction of the English language to appease a minority. And the endless addition of new words and labels to distinquish ever smaller differences. Look at us here at Aven, there is are lot of polls about redefining asexuality and a number of other terms. How many of these people are going to look back and say "What was I thinking?". Unfortunately there will be others to continue the madness. :mad: I'm happy and content to be an aromantic/asexual man. :) I don't want to change just to please someone else who feel it does not properly describe exactly what they feel. :(

Rant over. I'm having a beer to chill out at 0833am on a Sunday.

I think you're taking it personally that other people are examining themselves deeply. While it does seem very impractical for everyone to learn the terminology that's being discussed in small communities, I don't think anyone from them is going to walk up to you and tell you that you cannot call yourself an asexual aromantic man. I don't think any of these people care about you or what you call yourself.

[fuzzipueo]

I just wish all these new terms came with a pronunciation guide! Half the time I can't figure out how to say the word.

[UncommonNonsense]

I'm going to go against the flow here and say that I kind of like the proliferation of new language. But then again, I love making up words, so that fits me. Plus, I don't mind the fact that some people need a term in order to feel secure in that identity... after all, I remember how I felt before I happened upon the word 'asexual'! I knew what I wanted, and what I did not want, and I was aware that there were profound differences between myself and other people, but lacking the vocabulary to describe those differences made me question their legitimacy and often wonder if they were just some sort of psychiatric disturbance. Once I found that 'asexual' described a lot of those feelings and differences, I felt a lot more secure and stopped seeing myself as an aberration, a one-off, a broken, non-functioning person. And over the years since, I found labels that fit the traits that 'asexual' just didn't quite cover, like aromantic and agender. Having the vocabulary allowed me to think more clearly about all the facets of my being.

I've seen some tumblr identity labels that look decidedly tongue-in-cheek to me (created as a parody), but others I figure might be quite useful. Sure, some of them look a little funny to me, but hey, whatever. I daresay that to some people, asexuality sounds just as daft.

[borkfork]

I can imagine some people being confused by pansexual and that's still simplistic compared to when asexual comes up.

Most of these new tumblr labels are things that should be simplified the same way other communities do (top, bottom, sub, rigger)—if at all. Most if not all are making the mistake of labeling behavior as an orientation. I did see one that described an "acquired" orientation which just sounds like that person needs to see a doctor.

[Sally]

I'm 62 and I'm fed up with labels. This is definitely a youth thing, and definitely a college/uni thing. Unfortunately the PC brigade are there to make life a misery for the world. Lets do away with gendered words (man, male, woman, female). I don't like being called or have on a birth certificate that I am a person. This is madness. The endless destruction of the English language to appease a minority. And the endless addition of new words and labels to distinquish ever smaller differences. Look at us here at Aven, there is are lot of polls about redefining asexuality and a number of other terms. How many of these people are going to look back and say "What was I thinking?". Unfortunately there will be others to continue the madness. :mad: I'm happy and content to be an aromantic/asexual man. :) I don't want to change just to please someone else who feel it does not properly describe exactly what they feel. :(

Rant over. I'm having a beer to chill out at 0833am on a Sunday.

I think you're taking it personally that other people are examining themselves deeply. While it does seem very impractical for everyone to learn the terminology that's being discussed in small communities, I don't think anyone from them is going to walk up to you and tell you that you cannot call yourself an asexual aromantic man. I don't think any of these people care about you or what you call yourself.

And that's why I think it's kind of silly to announce oneself as a 16-word label. It assumes that everyone you meet is interested in all those microdetails, and they will take you less seriously instead of more seriously.

[WhenSummersGone]

42 here...

There are a small few of the more basic ones I do consider useful (like lith- and demi-). But most of the more recent Tumblr-born labels just make me throw my hands up in frustration.

I'm 30 and same with me on this. The labels listed on this site seem good to me but something like Iculasexual (which is still asexual) and menosexual (someone who isn't attracted to menstruation) is not needed. Also this mess of mostly unnecessary genders: http://genderfluidsupport.tumblr.com/gender/

[Tanwen]

Most people don't care and if they have to Google to understand it, I doubt many would bother. I don't need a label to define me; I've reached a stage in life when if people don't want to take me as I am they can go their way in peace :)

[Busrider]

The Inuit do indeed have 50 words for snow. - I'm sure it helps them. The big difference between their snow and the Tumblr flakes: Everybody is able to examine theirs or to do some testing to figure out which word to apply to snow they are facing.

I have bits of memories of 10+x year old feelings to examine. - How precise is that or a conclusion based upon it? - Do I have enough of a statistical base to come to a conclusion at all? - Might what I am recalling be overshadowed by other things? And how on earth could another person get an impression of what I am judging?

So to me my gray asexuality boils down to "Being most likely less sexual than a next partner." And I see no value in further labels.

[Hardly any]

42 here...

There are a small few of the more basic ones I do consider useful (like lith- and demi-). But most of the more recent Tumblr-born labels just make me throw my hands up in frustration.

I'm 30 and same with me on this. The labels listed on this site seem good to me but something like Iculasexual (which is still asexual) and menosexual (someone who isn't attracted to menstruation) is not needed. Also this mess of mostly unnecessary genders: http://genderfluidsupport.tumblr.com/gender/

Someone who isn't attracted to menstruation? That needs a name? I'm pretty sure most people don't find menstruation attractive.

[Snao Cone]

42 here...

There are a small few of the more basic ones I do consider useful (like lith- and demi-). But most of the more recent Tumblr-born labels just make me throw my hands up in frustration.

I'm 30 and same with me on this. The labels listed on this site seem good to me but something like Iculasexual (which is still asexual) and menosexual (someone who isn't attracted to menstruation) is not needed. Also this mess of mostly unnecessary genders: http://genderfluidsupport.tumblr.com/gender/

Someone who isn't attracted to menstruation? That needs a name? I'm pretty sure most people don't find menstruation attractive.

I think what that really means is someone who's repulsed by menstruation...and that doesn't need a label, because it's needlessly specific.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

It's only since joining this site, thinking back over my whole life under the prism of asexuality that I realise I'm non binary, aromantic asexual. Now that I've found the descriptors, I'm happy to move forward with out any of them except the word 'person'.

[UrbanPrimitive]

At the risk of dredging up a zombie thread, I'd wager that part of the label frenzy in youth is related to lingual exploration. I suspect another element is discomfort or inexperience with ambiguity. I could throw a lot of Greek and Latin together to describe my experience of my own sexuality, but most of the time I find it much easier and more honest to simply describe myself as greysexual and note that I'm "somewhere in the grey area" between completely asexual and run of the mill heterosexual. But it took me a while to feel comfortable letting it be weird, undefined, and unique to me. Especially where atypical sexual impulse is concerned I think a lot of young people exploring their sexual impulses (or lack thereof) experience intense internal pressure to "be normal", where that is often defined as something that fits into a tidy box and follows the narratives presented in their preferred form of entertainment.

[SaturnOOO]

I too am late to the party, but since I'm very freshly "labelled," this question has definitely been coming to mind. At 32, I do not feel I need any label at all for my sexuality. Didn't before I knew about asexuality and still don't. I do appreciate it, though, because it has given me access to a language that wasn't previously available to me to describe my lack of a sexualized worldview. So I'm not anti-label. As for where to draw the line, a label is of use to me when it gives me a framework through which to better understand and explain my experience. My need for it ends when it ceases to be a framework and starts to become a delineation of that experience. In short, no, I personally don't feel any need to go beyond the more overarching categories, if you will. 

[GrayLife]

Oh, this thread fills my label-less little heart!  I've always been a label free person...in everything.  I chose the name GrayLife for this site because it suits me.  I don't define myself by a label for anything.  People are human in basic form.  Adding their gender, race, religion, sexuality, political veiws, etc. to that just puts them in a box....too limiting.  If someone asks me what my religion, political veiw, sexuality, etc. is, I simply (and nicely as I can) tell them "none of your business".  Because it's not.  I'm human...that's all they need to know.

Understanding asexuality is hard enough to understand as it is so why attach more labels to it?  No wonder asexuals feel invisible and like they're not taken seriously!  Education of the BASICS of asexuality is what's needed the most.  

OK, rant over. Thanks for listening to my opinion.  Carry on!  

[Nidwin]

Labels aren't easy to understand if you're not in community x,y,z where they're mainly used.

First time I read pansexual (here on aven) I thought someone was trying to hit on Panficto (true story) and found it misplaced and rude. Now imagine the outside world looking at us and our 1001 labels for everything and nothing. Also asexual was a mistake and we should have kept it/opt for non-sexual, same for aromantic to be replaced by non-romantic. And from there go for a bit or sometimes sexual or a bit romantic vs 1001 different labels.

[BobRossRules]

So many labels and classifications, and subclassifications....I can't keep up!!  Not everyone fits neatly into one classification or another, hence more classifications!!  However, I think labels can help people understand themselves.  Before discovering AVEN, I didn't have a name for myself, except dysfunctional.  Having a label i.e., asexual helps me to self-identify.  Also knowing others are out there like me, I'm not alone.  I used to be humiliated that I didn't want sex and I certainly didn't want others knowing.  However, now that I know I'm asexual, I'm comfortable with it and no longer embarrassed.  I guess I'm more comfortable with labeling, as it sort of my job in the real world!!

[Tystie]

I'm not particularly bothered about labels. I'm happy to say 'asexual', and leave it at that.

 

I'm curious about the suggestion in some of these posts that some people want to label themselves so specifically that they become a class of one. For me, one of the joys of finding this place was that I found I wasn't alone. I found a community to which I could belong, and after years of feeling out of sync with the world that was a really great feeling. (Faraday: I relate to your 'dysfunctional' comment.)

 

Therefore, I think my lack of interest in labels at least in part reflects my desire to be part of something bigger than myself. I don't want to delve so deeply into my own thoughts and motivations that I separate myself off from people who are the most like me.