About Grey Ace

[LittleGoody2Shoes]

If you are a grey ace please explain what you do that makes you a grey ace. For example I am interested in some activities that may be sexual to my partner, but not to me. I look at pornography and masturbate. What do you think makes you or someone else a grey ace?

[RainedMeadow]

Content removed.

[binary suns]

I first assumed I was sexual, because I liked people and stuff, and didn't get that I wasn't quite like them in this way.

then I found out I wasn't like them in the way I experienced sexual attraction.

I decided this probably meant I was ace, and joined aven, and talked a tonne with lots of other posters.

over the course of a year... I started to notice, that I wasn't quite like most aces.


the short version of the TMI part of why I am grey: I recognize regularly when I feel sexual attraction, and I do like the idea of some things that are, well, foreplay. but sex is... not for me, and while I'm more sexual in my emotional experience than an ace is... I'm less sexual than most people for sure.

most likely, the compatible people for me, if they are not also grey, are either the rare ace who is happy with a partner even if it means they're having sex, or the rare sexual who is happy with their partner even if it means they're not having sex.

[Ashmedai]

I have a high libido, and I can entertain it with the idea of doing things, although I'm pretty much not really interested in actually doing it. So basically there is some low level, basic attraction, but not enough to be meaningful of any sort.

[UndeadWeapon]

I don't feel like I need sex with a partner, and not sure if I've found many people sexually attractive - maybe a small handful in my whole life if that, and I'm 33 now. I think I'm more likely to find people aesthetically attractive than sexually. Maybe I've confused sexual attraction with aesthetic in the past as well. I've had one sexual partner, but I don't miss sex now I'm single or really desire it, which I first noticed when I was 17 and my college coursemates complained about needing it, and I was happy I didn't have to worry about finding anyone to satisfy the itch, so to speak. No interest in porn, either.

[Ashmedai]

As this seems be a more fitting forum for this thread, it has been moved.

Aess'erhyth Ess

Co-Mod for Q&A

[scarletlatitude]

I have no idea what the frick I am. I might be gray. I sometimes experience attraction but it's hard to tell if it;s just a product of "that time of the month".

You get to decide whatever label you use. If you like to call yourself gray-ace, then be a gray-ace. If you change your mind to another label, that's okay too. Labels are just meant to help us understand ourselves.

[Gloomy]

I think I technically experience some sexual attraction/desire, just not enough to act on it. Maybe if I had a partner I'd be willing to do it, but since I find less than 1% of Earth's population particularly attractive and I'm a extreme introvert who prefers to be single anyway, the odds of that are pretty slim.

[Killthelights]

I'm demisexual. I can behave and act like a normal sexual person in actual relationships, crave sex, like to bond with them, etc. But it takes me forever to feel sexual attraction at all. The few times I felt sexual interest was in people I knew for over 2 years. One I knew 7 years. So I feel like I don't relate to typical sexuals, their sex urges, their crushes, etc.

I consider myself half asexual, half allosexual, and I participate in both communities.

[elleeverest]

What I think can make someone fit into the label Grey-Ace is that they don't often feel sexual attraction towards others. I might even go as far as saying that a grey-sexual might think that a relationship without any sex would be possible to have. I myself think that a relationship without sex would not only be possible for me but probably ideal.

I find the human body aesthetically attractive but not sexually attractive, meaning I like it's shapes and curves in a visually pleasing way but even the most attractive person isn't someone that I think, "I'd love to have sex with them," about. There are times that I do want to have sex, but those are usually times that involve people I have never had sex with before. It's like I just want to try the experience out and then once I know what it's like, the want for it fades. I often feel romantically attracted to people and want to hold their hands, cuddle, give them kisses and hugs and all that but this feeling rarely comes with the want to have any kind of sex with them. It's tricky. I want to please my partners (who have all been allosexual so far) but yet at the same time I'd rather talk or play video games then engage in any sort of sexual acts, even including intense kissing. I do have some sort of a sex drive which appears when I think about certain kinks I have, but I would much rather deal with it on my own than have someone else help me.

[CaliforniaDream'in]

I've been married to my wife for over 10 years now and she has been unhappy with me on and off for years because I have such a low sex drive. I've had hormone testing, a vaginal ultrasound, been to therapy, and gotten on an anti-depressant but all to no avail. With my marriage now on the rocks, I joined AVEN to see if I fit somewhere because I couldn't find an answer. I find the term Gray A is fitting. I'm actually starting to feel better knowing that this is normal. My wife thinks I don't find her attractive and it is depressing her because she has a high sex drive. But I don't mind pleasing my wife to make her happy. I just don't care to do it that often and I rarely even initiate. i am a top and she is a pillow princess. I don't like anything done to me. I honestly feel that I am fulfilled in our marriage holding her, kissing her, being close to her, enjoying life with her, but sadly I don't think she feels the same. Well, she has stated so many times that she needs more than affection. Now that I know what I am and that biologically I cannot change that, I am ready to talk with her and explain. If we never had sex again, I'd be fine with that too. That is what a Gray A means to me. Hope that helps.

I forgot to mention that I like weird porn but only by myself. It doesn't make me want to have sex but it's just something I enjoy every once in a while when I'm in the mood. Also, I've never had an orgasm and I don't really care if I ever do.

[levelskid]

Don't know for sure, but I like looking at bodies like art work, get aroused by them sometimes, and have an interest in sex but more as a study. Other than that, I could care less about having it myself, actually prefer other activities and topics like RPGs and books and of course anime. I could look at someone naked and even if they were super attractive, I'm more like, eh, I feel nothing.