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My squish won't talk to me


mikeman7918

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This is very confusing to me. There is this girl on another forum I've interacted with a lot most notably in a role playing thread, we have a lot in common and I developed a squish on her. She has said that anyone can PM her any time and that she is a bit desperate for friends, so making friends with her should be easy, right? It's also worth pointing out that she is aromantic, asexual, and about my age (and she knows that I'm an aro ace too) so a QPR is is a potability which is pretty exciting but my goal right now is to be her friend.

Anyway, 5 days ago I decided to send her a PM trying to start a conversation asking about her interests and stuff. She didn't respond, and when I mentioned it on a thread the next day she said that she was working on a response. Three days later, there is still no reply so I sent another message saying that I have a squish on her and I want to be her friend (and I know that she is familiar with the word "squish"). One day later, still nothing. I sent a third message saying that if she doesn't want to talk to me then I'd rather know then be left guessing, she also has problems with anxiety so I said that I will assume that's what's keeping her from replying until further notice and that I will stop bothering her with messages until I get a response. That was yesterday, and still no reply. She has been active many times in this time period including as I'm typing this message, and I do know how to use the PM function on that forum properly and all.

So yeah, I'm incredibly confused. I know that nobody here can say exactly what's happening, but some possible explanations would be nice. Am I being rejected... as a friend... immediately... by someone who's kinda' desperate for friends and on that forum just for socializing and playing forum games? Her social anxiety is currently my leading theory as to why she's not talking to me. What do you all think?

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Few possibilities that I can think of are (I am sorta tired and may not be wording it properly, hope you can understand, else feel free to ask)-

1) The fact that she wants friends is just a wishful thinking. She wishes that but is too shy or is unable to be friends. Kind of like how some people fantasize kinky stuff but actually don't do that IRL.

2) She doesn't have enough energy to be friends. Maybe she has enough energy to be friends with one or two people and she found those friends already. I am kind of like that, I can keep only few friends. Any more, no matter how great a person, I can't handle friendship with them.

3) She can be friend in certain scenario or by only doing certain activities. I have met certain people while role-playing but I couldn't form any friendship with them outside the role play world. When role playing, it was exciting, fun etc but when I stepped out of it, some role-play friends looked dull and boring.

4) The fact that you have common interests doesn't mean you can easily be friends with them. Only if it is a 'bonding interest', like an activity that can give bonding opportunity then you can be friends. For example, something simple as movie watching is an interest that is common with a lot of my friends and I am sure we have watched plenty of common movies. Yet it is a topic I rarely discuss. And I choose to watch movie together with very few of my friends.

5) I don't like PMs, emails etc. I too sometimes wished people would PM me, but it is a boring form of communication and I don't feel like replying. It has got nothing to do with the person or the topic itself. I rather communicate through live chats like Skype. So, when people PM me I suggest my preferred means of communication and if it doesn't work for them, then it means we are 'communication type incompatible'. This has been another reason why I haven't been able to pursue friendship with some people.

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NerotheReaper

Few possibilities that I can think of are (I am sorta tired and may not be wording it properly, hope you can understand, else feel free to ask)-

1) The fact that she wants friends is just a wishful thinking. She wishes that but is too shy or is unable to be friends. Kind of like how some people fantasize kinky stuff but actually don't do that IRL.

2) She doesn't have enough energy to be friends. Maybe she has enough energy to be friends with one or two people and she found those friends already. I am kind of like that, I can keep only few friends. Any more, no matter how great a person, I can't handle friendship with them.

3) She can be friend in certain scenario or by only doing certain activities. I have met certain people while role-playing but I couldn't form any friendship with them outside the role play world. When role playing, it was exciting, fun etc but when I stepped out of it, some role-play friends looked dull and boring.

4) The fact that you have common interests doesn't mean you can easily be friends with them. Only if it is a 'bonding interest', like an activity that can give bonding opportunity then you can be friends. For example, something simple as movie watching is an interest that is common with a lot of my friends and I am sure we have watched plenty of common movies. Yet it is a topic I rarely discuss. And I choose to watch movie together with very few of my friends.

5) I don't like PMs, emails etc. I too sometimes wished people would PM me, but it is a boring form of communication and I don't feel like replying. It has got nothing to do with the person or the topic itself. I rather communicate through live chats like Skype. So, when people PM me I suggest my preferred means of communication and if it doesn't work for them, then it means we are 'communication type incompatible'. This has been another reason why I haven't been able to pursue friendship with some people.

Honestly Hiro summed this yup really nicely, but I would like to add I know sometimes if you send too many messages to someone they freak out. I know if I don't really like/interested in someone and I get several messages from them in a row I feel uneasy. I am guilty of this too though, I send a few messages before the other person can reply.

Give her time, hopefully you will get a response soon.

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Second The Reapers stance on this. Maybe she's a little scared. Sometimes it takes a while to form a proper response, especially if she's anxious. There certainly is some kind of "I don't want to screw this up" going on right now. Bonus, you say that she's aro-ace... how likely is it to meet someone like that, someone like herself who even seems to like her? This could be "to good to be true" for her.

I'd suggest to try to step on the brakes. Maybe write her another message that you just wanted to get that "squish thing" off your chest and that you'd be happy to read from her some time, without any pressure or assumptions. Leave her some space :)

(BTW, I certainly know how hard that is, believe me.)

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Well, I took the advice given here and decided to just wait to see what she does. Today she finally responded and she does indeed want to chat! ^_^

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Well, I took the advice given here and decided to just wait to see what she does. Today she finally responded and she does indeed want to chat! ^_^

As someone with a similar problem, I'm glad to hear that! (One of my squishes won't talk to me because she listened to some stupid gossip, and the other can't talk to me because she's dead. And ironically, they are both named Anita.)

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