Q&A: did the 'comming out' change anything?

[MrDane]

Sometimes the labels fit better than othertimes, and for most people, you also change a bit due to the situation/surroundings. To some, their sexuality is still in a process of developing!

My question is:

Did the 'comming out' change something?

-changes to you?

-did relationship change?

-did surroundings react?

[MrDane]

Answering my own question!

Just after my wife told me, that she didnt and found out, that she never, ever had, felt sexual attraction there were a period of more activeness during lovemaking and less 'starfishing'! Maybe because she had gotten it of her chest, and now wanted to show, that she still cared about me, though the sex thing didnt matter that much?

[SithLord]

Coming out to my partner was essential for our relationship. He probably would've broken up with me if I hadn't come out since I'm totally not interested in sex and don't get sexual hints when he drops them.

Coming out to my friends/sister didn't change anything other their expanded awareness of the sexuality spectrum and my sis later identifying as aro ace.

[oskietje]

I used to think that it wouldn't change anything, but then I started to have different experiences. Coming out effectively killed what appears to be any prospects for positive romantic relationships. It's not a positive thing to say, but it's my experience. It changed the way people think about me, for the positive and negative, and it changed the way I felt and saw the world over a long term.

I'd like to say that it doesn't matter, but it still does have the same stigma of coming out for homosexuals, even when in principle it should be a positive experience.

[Dahlia Blues]

I used to think that it wouldn't change anything, but then I started to have different experiences. Coming out effectively killed what appears to be any prospects for positive romantic relationships. It's not a positive thing to say, but it's my experience.

Definitely difficult. Navigating between having the sex even if not interested, but showing care during act and therefore suspected of being really "into it" ...all this in the hope of being able to come out later after creating some bond of trust; or coming out upfront to the incredulous wide eyed disbelieving person because "I don't look asexual"....arghh I've just given up I suppose. I can't be bothered anymore. It's too painful either way. So I am learning to come to terms with this new existence of mine...alone. Some days it is excruciatingly difficult. Sometimes we just want to be held, someone to hold our hand and to say it's okay. But even this is impossible. No prospects for a positive romantic relationship. and then on other days I feel blessed to live authentically, according to who I really am, even if it means that I am alone.

I have been away for a long while still trying to figure this all out. And then with an international move back to my country where it's all about sex and love, everywhere, all of the time. So now that the initial shock has passed, I am so happy to be back on Aven forums. It has always helped me feel sane to read about others like me. And less alone in the end.

[Dahlia Blues]

I used to think that it wouldn't change anything, but then I started to have different experiences. Coming out effectively killed what appears to be any prospects for positive romantic relationships. It's not a positive thing to say, but it's my experience.

Definitely difficult. Navigating between having the sex even if not interested, but showing care during act and therefore suspected of being really "into it" ...all this in the hope of being able to come out later after creating some bond of trust; or coming out upfront to the incredulous wide eyed disbelieving person because "I don't look asexual"....arghh I've just given up I suppose. I can't be bothered anymore. It's too painful either way. So I am learning to come to terms with this new existence of mine...alone. Some days it is excruciatingly difficult. Sometimes we just want to be held, someone to hold our hand and to say it's okay. But even this is impossible. No prospects for a positive romantic relationship. and then on other days I feel blessed to live authentically, according to who I really am, even if it means that I am alone.

I have been away for a long while still trying to figure this all out. And then with an international move back to my country where it's all about sex and love, everywhere, all of the time. So now that the initial shock has passed, I am so happy to be back on Aven forums. It has always helped me feel sane to read about others like me. And less alone in the end.

[Dahlia Blues]

I used to think that it wouldn't change anything, but then I started to have different experiences. Coming out effectively killed what appears to be any prospects for positive romantic relationships. It's not a positive thing to say, but it's my experience.

Definitely difficult. Navigating between having the sex even if not interested, but showing care during act and therefore suspected of being really "into it" ...all this in the hope of being able to come out later after creating some bond of trust; or coming out upfront to the incredulous wide eyed disbelieving person because "I don't look asexual"....arghh I've just given up I suppose. I can't be bothered anymore. It's too painful either way. So I am learning to come to terms with this new existence of mine...alone. Some days it is excruciatingly difficult. Sometimes we just want to be held, someone to hold our hand and to say it's okay. But even this is impossible. No prospects for a positive romantic relationship. and then on other days I feel blessed to live authentically, according to who I really am, even if it means that I am alone.

I have been away for a long while still trying to figure this all out. And then with an international move back to my country where it's all about sex and love, everywhere, all of the time. So now that the initial shock has passed, I am so happy to be back on Aven forums. It has always helped me feel sane to read about others like me. And less alone in the end.

[Dahlia Blues]

Definitely difficult. Navigating between having the sex even if not interested, but showing care during act and therefore suspected of being really "into it" ...all this in the hope of being able to come out later after creating some bond of trust; or coming out upfront to the incredulous wide eyed disbelieving person because "I don't look asexual"....arghh I've just given up I suppose. I can't be bothered anymore. It's too painful either way. So I am learning to come to terms with this new existence of mine...alone. Some days it is excruciatingly difficult. Sometimes we just want to be held, someone to hold our hand and to say it's okay. But even this is impossible. No prospects for a positive romantic relationship. and then on other days I feel blessed to live authentically, according to who I really am, even if it means that I am alone.

I have been away for a long while still trying to figure this all out. And then with an international move back to my country where it's all about sex and love, everywhere, all of the time. So now that the initial shock has passed, I am so happy to be back on Aven forums. It has always helped me feel sane to read about others like me. And lss

[Dahlia Blues]

Sorry about the multiple posts issue

[Whispearl]

My friends and peers generally took it very well. I feel like I can be more open with them and it's nice to know that people are accepting of you instead of just wondering all the time. But my romantic relationships took hits, one much more civilly than the other. The good part is, I don't feel romantic attraction much anyway, so I can almost look past that. I have great friends who make me feel I can be my whole self around them so that's what makes me happiest :)

[Mychemicalqpr]

I think coming out to my family had a negative impact on my relationship with my mom. If I hadn't told her, I think she would have just assumed that I was a normal and was just being sensible and waiting for marriage, something she encourages, but now she tries to tell me I'm just repressing it because I'm scared and that I haven't gotten to know the right person. If I hadn't come out, I'm sure she'd still be telling me how men are evil sex monsters like she did before. Maybe that's why I'm "scared"? Just saying.

It posted, but I wasn't done... not sure if that's an error or clumsy fingers.

It did affect my first relationship in the middle of which I discovered asexuality. It actually helped him understand why I felt how I did about the idea, and after that he was pretty respectful about it. We eventually had to accept that we weren't compatible long term though--plus other issues came up.

I tend to only make friends with the accepting sort of people, so I have yet to have a friend treat it as some kind of big deal.

[Member106624]

.

[Andiamo]

It has made me much more comfortable and confident in just being myself, and in my asexuality. I feel like I don't have to hide that part of me at all anymore, which is awesome.

My friends have (fortunately!) been incredibly accepting and supportive of me. My parents took a little bit longer to actually understand it, but it was just because it was a new idea, not because they had a problem with it.

[AsheKing]

It depends. My parents seem very supportive though I think I just need to find the right person. But I have trouble keeping friends because we don't have a lot in common. And I did have a bad experience at work with some women trying to "cure me".

[Ashmedai]

It didn't really change anything for me that was noticeable, other than maybe some people are less expecting me to have kids or maybe a partner.

[deltaX]

For me, nothing has changed between me and the people I'm out to, but only because I was very careful about who I told. I don't think my family would understand or accept it, so I pretty much just told a few of my close friends. Their reactions were great- they were mega-supportive, but at the same time didn't make a big deal about it and didn't act like I had changed as a person.

[Zsareph]

It made me feel more comfortable discussing asexuality with friends, but family wise I feel like they're just trying to avoid talking about it, so I feel kinda uncertain about how they see this aspect of my identity. I feel like I maybe shouldn't have said anything to my parents until later on in life.

[Amedot]

My question is:

Did the 'comming out' change something?

-changes to you?

-did relationship change?

-did surroundings react?

Changes to me: I felt immense relief at not having to pretend I'm straight. I also felt immense frustration that my family was not very accepting.

Did relationships change?: With friends, yes. I began filtering out people who didn't respect me or my orientation. Some friendships grew stronger. My relationship with my dad seemed to improve as he isn't straight either, whereas it didn't help my relationship with my mum.

Did surroundings react: I don't really know what this means

[R_1]

It didn't really change anything for me that was noticeable, other than maybe some people are less expecting me to have kids or maybe a partner.

This is what I have to say. Plus, it helps that it prevents possible misunderstanding in the future.

[MrDane]

Sometimes the labels fit better than othertimes, and for most people, you also change a bit due to the situation/surroundings. To some, their sexuality is still in a process of developing!

My question is:

Did the 'comming out' change something?

-changes to you?

-did relationship change?

-did surroundings react?

Thank you for all your inputs! I just mostly wonder about those, who had/have a partner (S.O.) and not so much about friends and parents!

I know, this is easy to say, but neither friends nor parents needs to be involved in your sexual activites, though I understand the importance to come out as a part of showing who you are.! (And perhaps get rid of expectation that are unrealistic)

Like, I am forty and my wife recently 'kind of' came out! After 15 yrs! At this moment, I sway between depression and a great will to fight for our mutual future!