I'm not sure what I am...

[30something]

Hi,

I'm new here, I've been searching for some answers, so hopefully someone is able to help me.

It seems that I may be asexual. The reason I'm not sure is because I'm married with two children but I don't think I've ever been sexually attracted to my husband or at least I wasn't at first anyway. I don't desire sex with him nor does he turn me on.

The thing is i don't ever really see a guy and think, I'd love to sleep with him. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like with someone else. So as my husband was my first, I don't know whether I would feel sexual attraction with someone else once I had achieved an emotional connection with them. (Demisexual?)

I know it has been answered many times but can sexual attraction also be wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone(but not feel the need) or is it more like raw desire that needs to be fulfilled? Because I've never felt the latter.

I guess I'm just confused as I do desire a romantic connection and a relationship which is why I married my husband but it's been 10 years since and I honestly can't remember if sexual desire grew once I fell in love but I have a feeling I would know?

Anyway hopefully this all makes sense, in a nutshell, am I likely to be asexual because I don't find anyone sexually attractive even though I desire romance.

So confused! Thanks for reading.

[NotTheTypicalGuy]

Hello,

I am slightly confused by your post because you say you are not sexually attracted to anyone, but you contradict yourself by saying that you sometimes wonder what it would be like to sleep with someone else. Although to answer one of your questions, I think sexual attraction can be defined as you said in your own words as, "wondering what it would be like to have sex." Not feeling the need to have sex seems to fall along the lines of something more like a low sex drive, but I am not entirely sure. It does seem to me though that you fall somewhere along the ACE spectrum, but what that is I am not sure, nor do I feel like you should have to label it. Honestly how I view sexuality is that everyone is different and that it is basically a scale from 0-100, 0 being the lowest amount of sexual attraction and 100 being the most. Everyone falls along that scale somewhere, but say there are two people who are 4s for example does not mean that they are the exact same. One could be a demisexual while the other does not desire any sex, but has some sexual attraction (but does not act on it due to various reasons) and is in a romantic relationship with multiple partners. Hope my input could help.

[30something]

Hello,

I am slightly confused by your post because you say you are not sexually attracted to anyone, but you contradict yourself by saying that you sometimes wonder what it would be like to sleep with someone else. Although to answer one of your questions, I think sexual attraction can be defined as you said in your own words as, "wondering what it would be like to have sex." Not feeling the need to have sex seems to fall along the lines of something more like a low sex drive, but I am not entirely sure. It does seem to me though that you fall somewhere along the ACE spectrum, but what that is I am not sure, nor do I feel like you should have to label it. Honestly how I view sexuality is that everyone is different and that it is basically a scale from 0-100, 0 being the lowest amount of sexual attraction and 100 being the most. Everyone falls along that scale somewhere, but say there are two people who are 4s for example does not mean that they are the exact same. One could be a demisexual while the other does not desire any sex, but has some sexual attraction (but does not act on it due to various reasons) and is in a romantic relationship with multiple partners. Hope my input could help.

Hi, thank you for your reply.

Sorry for the confusion! I meant I wonder whether it would be different than it is with my husband rather than just wondering about anyone specific. If that makes sense? Maybe that is still classed as sexual desire?

I guess my lack of experience makes it harder to understand whether we are just incompatible or if I am on the spectrum.

Thanks again.