Am I a Gray-Ace or just very private?

[CPU]

Hello Everyone,

It has recently occurred to me that I might be a gray-ace, but I'm not sure.

Here is what I know about myself regarding my sexuality (all very hetero stuff here, which is mostly what i've believed until now):

• I am a Cis Gendered Man
• I am monogamous
• I enjoy and often want to have sex with my girlfriend
• I am only attracted to Cis Gendered Women
• I am still often attracted to other women (but not all the time maybe? I may have a misunderstanding of the term "sexual attraction")

BUT

• I feel the need to keep all reference or discussion of sex separate from all parts of my life expect for those directly involved in it... even this is very uncomfortable for me, but at least it's anonymous so that helps
• I am usually disgusted or uncomfortable with sex scenes in public movies (if I am around other people at least)
• I become uncomfortable when people around me comment on the sexual attractiveness of other people in public
• I even become uncomfortable when my friends or people I know comment on the sexual attractiveness of celebrities when they're around me, or god forbid ask for my opinion on the subject!
• I become extremely uncomfortable when people make sexual jokes around me
• Regarding my attraction to other women, I am still not entirely sure if is sexual attraction in the strictest sense of the term. It may be that I fantasize about other women and maybe I wouldn't have sex with them in real life if they remained a stranger. I'm not sure how that situation would play out, I've never had a case where that could have happened.
• To clarify, I have no problem with people having sex and I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with it (as long as it's consensual, etc). I consider it to be a healthy and normal part of life for many people. I just don't want to deal with any part of it in public, or directly with other people who aren't involved in my sex life.

I question my sexuality because I have many friends that make fun of me for being squeamish and disgusted when they make sexual jokes or references, and I feel like most hetero guys are super open about who they find attractive (and I wish they would just keep it to themselves). It makes me feel alienated and alone sometimes because I feel like almost everyone else around me has this weird need to constantly express their sexuality. If someone tries to talk to me about their sex life and I'm not involved it makes me super uncomfortable and I just want to yell at them to stop.

My girlfriend seems to think I might fit in the gray-ace spectrum or somewhat demi. I don't know.

I'm usually opposed to labels but I think knowing I sort of belong to a community of people with similar experiences will help me cope with the stress I often feel about sex stuff.

I apologize if anything I said has offended anyone, I am very unfamiliar with the etiquette and language of the community. But I'm here to learn too so please don't hesitate to let me know if I should rephrase some things.

Any help that you guys can provide would be greatly appreciated.

~Cheers~

EDIT: I am SO SORRY for all the duplicate posts that I made. The "Submit" button didn't gray out when I clicked it the first time and I got impatient and it ended up spamming another 8 copies of it. I promise I'm not a purposeful spammer... or a robot, despite my username (geez, I dug myself into a hole with that one).

[Katerin]

I'm a gray-asexual and what you have described is very similar to the way I am, in terms of how I feel when people express their sexuality and are very forward about it. I think you may be in the gray spectrum, depending on the form of attraction you experience. If you experience sexual attraction regularly or often, you may not necessarily be gray-ace. Asexuality mostly refers to a lack or absence of sexual attraction. Some asexuals identify as sex-repulsed or feel uncomfortable in situations similar to yours. I've heard of the term gray-sexual which refers to someone who identifies as being in between sexual and asexual, but leans a little more toward the sexual side (as opposed to a gray asexual who rarely experiences sexual attraction). I'm not so sure if gray-sexual is a valid form of identity, because I feel that sexual people (speaking as a former heterosexual) can have times they don't experience sexual attraction. . . or maybe not? o.o Maybe they actually fit in the gray area just a smidge? I would like to hear what others say about that, because I really am not sure.

[Star Bit]

If you desire sex (for sexual or emotional pleasure) with anyone that's either just a normal sexual person or Gray-sexual if you desire it at an unusual point in time. Sexual attraction means the impulse to have sex with someone specific, and alot of sexual people can not want to act on it. The banner definition of asexuality is wrong because about half of sexuals desire sex for other reasons (and sexual attraction is primarily a male experience). Your "BUT" section has nothing to do with orientation. Yes, those things are more common among asexuals but those things don't make someones sexual orientation. Your sexual orientation is based on who you desire to have sex with and nothing more; not how you publicly react to sex. Bisexuals get similar flack like asexuals but that certainly doesn't make them ace.

Demisexual is desiring sex after an unusual amount of time. But you don't mention that so i assume it doesn't actually apply.

[kelico]

Welcome to AVEN!

It comes down to what feels right to you when it comes to your identity. There are different types of attraction, too, besides sexual. So when you say you're "attracted to women," you could be romantically attracted and/or aesthetically attracted and/or sexually attracted! I know it's really hard to differentiate sometimes. But I say continue to explore the site and see if something resonates with you. If you haven't yet, I suggest the Gray Area part of the forum. : ) Also, some of what you mentioned could possibly point to being sex-repulsed. And one doesn't have to be asexual to be sex-repulsed (anyone can be). I wish you the best!